how to not seem needy

[duh477]

I want to ask a girl to hang out or go out with me but how much is asking to much, I want to hang out atleast once a week because i can never build relastionships because I feel I cant get girls to be around me enought they usually go out with me once or twice and thats it. So how often should I ask her to go out and if she says no can I ask maybe the next day to do something or what?

[dancingdoc2]

PART 1:

First, is to determine if she is interested in you--or, not
Second, is to determine if she is busy that day--or, not

Both people have a responsibility to convey information. Men are not mind readers.

If you ask a woman to go on a date and she says no, it is good manners .for her to let him know if she is at least interested.

If you are interested, let him know that you are, and let him know you would like to be asked another time, or, offer an alternative.**

As for you, if you ask her for a date, include in your question choice A or choice B. In other words, she may be interested yet have plans for that day and/or time. In order to improve your chances for a positive reply, ask her if Saturday or Sunday is best, or, Saturday at 5:00 or is 6:30 better. (Fill in the appropriate choices.)

Do a little research and pre-planning if you can. Learn what her interests are either by listening to her over time, asking a friend, or, simply asking, then aim your date to please.

** If you are a girl/woman reading this and you are interested, help the lad out and contribute as much information about his request as possible. If you are busy at a particular time that he asks for, yet will be available earlier or later, tell him and then provide a time when you will be available.

Are you attentive to her, do you listen to her or do you monopolize the conversation? Ask questions designed to get her to talk. Women by nature are chatty creatures. You can keep the conversation flowing by simply listening to her and then interjecting questions about what she says in order to learn more about her and also to stimulate more conversation. You can have a great evening without needing to say much; however, having said that, let her know that you have a brain and do talk. Just to not talk all the time about you. Dish out tidbits of information about you over the course of several dates. The intent is to keep her interested and wanting to know more. If a guy tells all in one or two dates, you just make it harder to talk long term. This is particularly important for the guy who is not a born conversationalist.

Lastly, keep in mind that the purpose of dating is to learn what humanity has to offer. Date lots of people. Not all will be your type nor will you be every prospective date's type, yet if you do not date plenty of people you reduce your opportunities of finding Ms. Right. Do not take rejections so personally.

PART 2:

Please read this follow-up thread.

[sera300]

A decent woman will "open the door" to let you know she wants to see you real soon. If not, perhaps she is too immature?

[EvilEvilKitten]

You want to hang out once a week and build a relationship with a girl by doing that. You ask girls out and they say no. Girls date/go out with you once or twice and then pass you by. Have I got it all?

OK

1. You're asking the wrong girls out.

2. They are not interested in you and it is no good asking them why because they're trying to be nice and won't tell you that you're BORING.

3. Hanging out is NOT the way to ask any girl out as it implies you're not serious. You just want any warm body next to you so you don't get lonely.

What to do:

1. Look for those girls who are interested in you, They will show it in their body language, mannerisms, and glances. Some might even ask you out. Those are the girls with whoom you should be dealing.

2. Stop boring her to tears! Find out, by listening to her, what she likes and then go and do that! Since most girls have more than one interest, you can mix it up - doing interest A one week and interest B the next and so on. Ask her questions, talk with her, interact and respond.

3. Ask her out to a specific event at a specific place, date, and time based upon step 2 above - in line with her interests and/or yours. Yes, you do get to reveal your likes too. Treat her as important by dating as a man dates, not as a kid 'just hanging out'.

Do you understand?

[Ephemera]

The best way to not appear needy is to truly not be needy.

How do you do this?

Be more interested in your life, your goals, etc., than building a relationship. A relationship should be a good addition to your life, something that can carry you through hard times throughout your journey. It should be like this at least until you're married, I personally believe.

Women seem to respect men who are ambitious, so be so.

Also, don't fear rejection. Being rejected just means that there's one less girl you have to worry about! It also means that you're one girl CLOSER to finding one who's interesting.

[wet_suit_one]

Oh sure Ephemera, like it's totally easy to feel that way when you haven't been laid until your thirties. Sure, easy peasy, piece of cake.


;-)

[Ephemera]

Mind over matter, wet suit!

[Officer292]

Listen, there is more than one girl out there. If it doesn't work out with this one, MOVE ON!!!! Don't be a loser!

[dancingdoc2]

It is not about being a "loser"; this thread is about teaching men and women along with the o/p some tricks of the trade and how get the information or the response he desires before considering moving on.

[EvilEvilKitten]

Rule One - if you cannot hold her gaze and smile or wink - you're not getting with her.

So to not seem needy - take the edge off beforehand (terrible pun but nevermind) and then go just "to look" and to maybe do a bit of conversation with a likely woman or two. No pressure either way and no expectations either way. Get her name and number before leaving and move along.

The thing is you have to have a life before you can ask someone to share it with you - even if just for a bit - so building a happy and satisfying life comes first. Build your life, own your life, and be comfortable in your own skin - that is all you really need to do.

Relax - this is not The Olympics!