dating 2 girls

[duh477]

I have casually been dating 2 girls for a few weeks and I would like to have a relationship with one of them how do I tell the other girl that ive decided to become a couple with the other girl?

[sera300]

You just tell her she is really a great person but your interests are not there & wish her well. End of story.

[Ephemera]

And I'd recommend not bringing up the other girl unless she asks.

It really shouldn't affect her - you have your own reasons for deescalating the situation, and you aren't responsible for an in-depth explanation.

[duh477]

but she is going to find out about the other girl at some point, it wouldnt be best to tell her instead of her finding out on her own?

[sera300]

Originally Posted by duh477

but she is going to find out about the other girl at some point, it wouldnt be best to tell her instead of her finding out on her own?

No.........

[Ducy]

Just say look its been fun but I just am not that interested.

Or just fake your death....

either one will work

[smallestoftheclan]

I'm with Sera. If this has only been a casual relationship then you really don't owe her an explaination. In this case less is more than enough.
If she knows about the other person she may ask if you are ending it with her too, if she doesn't then don't offer any info.
Be honest, she's a great person and a great friend but after a few dates you just don't see this turning into something more than what it already is. You don't want to waste her time, or possibly have her turn down an invite from someone else because of this and you hope that you and her can end on a good note. No more no less.
Now for the other girl you may want to say something to her. Such as I was also seeing this other girl, very casually and only had had a few dates with, yet because you feel a stronger connection to her you have decided not to ask her out anymore. Don't say broke up with this other person you just decided that you only wanted to date her. This is to protect you, and her, in case you do run into this other girl and things are said.

[EvilEvilKitten]

A few weeks? That's all?!?!?! Aren't you rushing things a bit??

Buddy, the best way to go here is for you to chill and let the ladies choose you, or not, as they will. Give it two years before you decide on this "being a couple" thing.

Because it takes that long for something this important.

STOP RUSHING IT and KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT.

[aamilne]

Just tell her full stop, politely of course, not in the "this is a goodbye dinner at Pizza Express" mode. Ask her what she would like her and u to be, if u are someone elses lover? BTW, asking someone what they want is not an excuse for letting them make up ur mind for u, but respectfully seeking their thoughts, becasue u can't decide what 2 do, until u've heard from them.

Some good replies, but why not consider the principled polyamoury approach?

There is a difference between being a clumsy loudmouth (ie "I can tell all my lovers/friends everything about my other relationships"), and condescending to one of your intimate friends, by thinking s/he can't handle the emotional states that u can (or even cheekier, that u and a.n. other can together. Wow, that one is always so flattering.)

Of course, what were the promises, assumptions, wishes when each of u started seeing each other? Anyone offer erotic or romantic exclusivity to another? Anyone ask for it? Did anyone accept? Have they evloved over the vast eternity of these few weeks?

THe opposite of supposing one of your friends would feel jealousy, is to presume they would take pleasure in your happiness with another person. Yeah right, I here you say. But wait, there is a respectable concept called compersion. Not another wiki reference? Oh yes:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polyamory

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Compersion


"...The definition of compersion is often mistakenly referred to as 'the opposite of jealousy' .... pain at a lover's positive experience with a perceived rival. However, various forms of jealousy, including the explicit fear of losing a relationship, can still coexist with feelings of compersion. This paradox suggests that compersion is more complex than simply being an opposite of jealousy, and it is likely a mental state of its own...."

Be adventurous. Millions of people have struggled with the concept of jealousy, and got nowhere. Try polyamoury and compersion.. Next stop, a revisit to that Mountain somewhere in Galilee, for the long delayed part 2 of the sermon.

[Ephemera]

Uh, what?

Hm.