Avoiding the "Friend Zone"

[BeachBoy]

Ok so I have had a few friendships in the past that I have tried to move onto an actual relationship. Every time I have been met with the same reaction. "I dont see you in that way." "Your like my brother." "I dont want to risk our friendship."

Well the point is that I'm tired of that. I want to know how to avoid that friend zone. In all of those "friendships" I have asked these girls out on dates (like I have explicitly said "I would like to take you out for a date"). So my problem is not the inability to ask them out. My problem seems to be that I have a hard time getting a girl over the emotional "hump" to see me as a lover rather than a friend.

Any help would be greatly appreciated and thanks in advance.

[dancingdoc2]

Welcome to the SI101 Board and its Forums. I hope you enjoy participating.

Several of us recommend doing a lot of dating in order to sample what humanity has to offer. The more people a person dates, the better able s/he is of finding Mr. or Ms. Right. More important, is with becoming exposed to many varied personalities, characters, likes, dislikes, values, morals, religious values, etc.

It is good that you are up front with the women you date in that you inform them that you do want to date. This would imply that you want more out of a relationship than just friendship. Wonder what is lost in the transmission. As for dating friends, great relationship are spawned out of great friendships. In order to find the right person for each of us we do have to have one or more dates, and, socialize with lots of people. This means lot of people are considered and dropped by the wayside and this may be what is happening to you as dating is a two-way activity.

From the limited amount of information you have given us, my guess is that you must continue to date, enjoy the people you date until you want to drop them and move on. Eventually, you should find Ms. Right. Your chances will be improved if you involve family members and friends in your search by informing them that you are looking for people to date and to tell you of any women they know might be interested. This is called networking. Also, join hobby and/or sports organizations, a service group, volunteer, and get yourself out in the public view with others of similar interest.

Right now, unless someone tells you of an obvious shortcoming that is hindering your efforts, I recommend keeping on keeping on. Keep dating, keep evaluating, enjoy each and drop any that are obviously not your type.

[sera300]

Sounds as if you are getting to know them too well prior to asking them on a date. Difficult to act like a friend, be the friend, then look for a date. Meet women and if you believe you are interested; ask them on a date & not a phone chat for hours.

Originally Posted by BeachBoy

Ok so I have had a few friendships in the past that I have tried to move onto an actual relationship. Every time I have been met with the same reaction. "I dont see you in that way." "Your like my brother." "I dont want to risk our friendship."

Well the point is that I'm tired of that. I want to know how to avoid that friend zone. In all of those "friendships" I have asked these girls out on dates (like I have explicitly said "I would like to take you out for a date"). So my problem is not the inability to ask them out. My problem seems to be that I have a hard time getting a girl over the emotional "hump" to see me as a lover rather than a friend.

Any help would be greatly appreciated and thanks in advance.

[smallestoftheclan]

I agree with Sera, if there is someone you want to date ask them out. If you've known them awhile sometimes moving from friendship to relationship is hard. They've heard you tell stories and have heard stories about you.
My last relationship was friends with benefits, we were also co-workers, but he never talked about who he was with, ever in all the 5 years prior to our changing our "status".
Because I want a commitment and he doesn't I ended the benefit part of our friendship. I don't want to lose our friendship, he's a great guy.
Look at it this way, if they think of you as a brother or don't want to lose your friendship by taking the chance on a relationship you are high on these womens lists. Ask them to set you up, you think enough of them to ask them out they won't let you down. That or if you are not into blind dates, throw a party and have them invite a few of their friends who you have not yet met. If you see someone that interests you, get an introduction and before that party is over get a few phone numbers and make a date with at least one of them. Nobody wants to set their "brother" up with someone that they don't like so I see only good prospects being invited.

[dancingdoc2]

Sera and Smallest... provided the answer.

[BeachBoy]

Sounds great guys. I will definately keep this stuff in mind for the next few ladys. Thanks alot for the help.

[EvilEvilKitten]

Pay attention and learn how to tell when a woman is interested in dating you - such as mirroring your body language, leaning toward you when speaking with you, touching you when she talks, and so on. If she's not physically showing such signs of interest - don't "go there".

BTW just because she calls you friend - doesn't mean she'll be happy to set to you up. Some females compete socially, which is wrong but just warning you, and will either set you up with those who make you go eeeeeeek! or wouldn't have you on a bet.

So, a successful hunt begins with proper prior planning. What kind of lady are you seeking and where is such a lady likely to be found? (A religious lady is most likely not going out to the clubs dancing every night, so if that's who you want, don't go out to the clubs.) Mingle, talk to everyone, be male and yet sound like a sensible, reasonable person, and look for thhe signs of interest, including those above. If you see them, respond and ask her out on a date.