Workplace flirting?

[Lost one]

Well it seems me and this nearly same age female co worker been getting flirty. The thing is I am liking it, just don't know how to proceed.

For the months shes been here, I grew comfortable with her as a female friend type even telling her about women. I was the first male at work to talk to her on her training day. I can't deny I do like her as a person and have some attraction. When I found out she has a long term boyfriend (not engaged), I held back and treated her as a friend.

Lately, I have tried to make her laugh. Tease her. Have had a few long conversations. I can say hello and goodbye with just eye contact. We smile many times at each other and just today she 'bumped' into me.

My friend (who I also know from work) just told me shes a nice/cool chick type. Sure its true and yes she talks to other male co-workers, yet she acts usually straight faced to most of them. She was like this with me too, until recently.

So is this flirting or playfulness? I feel very flattered by this, though I wonder if this is normal and what to do. Can I forge a workplace relationship with her even if its not an out of workplace one?

[smallestoftheclan]

Having a relationship with a co-worker has boundaries of it's own. Some businesses don't want this and have it banned in their employee handbook.
I've been in two, neither company banned it yet I didn't want to be the talk of the water cooler.
The first one was back around '85. We both worked the overnight shift at a bank, handling armored car deposits. I had just moved back home from Colorado because my mom had taked a turn for the worse, she died in '86, and he already worked there. He wasn't my boss, but he was the trainer. I broke up with him after I quit, they gave me a hard time about the amount of time I was missing after my mom was hospitalized and had threatened to write me up for missing work the night before my mom died. I broke up with him for lying about drinking. Just before I had quit he had also slapped my bum as I walked by the cubicle he was working in to get to mine. We were always on camera and being watched by two security guards. I slapped his face, we were called into our managers office and given oral warnings. After my mom died there were just things that had to be done, so I quit that job and did what had to be done for my dad and our family. I was 25.
The other just ended this year. We both had started with the company in '99. My division was sold in '05, shortly after we moved our relationship from friends to friends with benefits. While at work, no hugs, kisses, hand holding ect. We had email. About a year and a half after my division was sold our new company moved out of the building, only a special few knew and or know about our relationship. These are my friends or co-workers, none of his co-workers even know today. Again we didn't want to be the talk around the water cooler. And even though I had left the company and then the building everyone knows me, or knows who I am. And the same for him, in fact one co-worker I told about a year ago was totally shocked. She and I were very close, she didn't suspect a thing and couldn't believe that I had kept it so quiet.
It was hard to end, but alot easier than if we were still working together.

[constantlylearning]

It was hard because (as you have posted previously) you love this person. You hear
about the stories that have no end and you think that is the way it will be. And the
love will live a 1,000 years but sometimes Fate conjurs an alternate ending.

[lnt1103]

Small, I know ending that was hard. But please take solace in the fact that you stood up for what you want and DESERVE out of life and love. It WILL get easier.

Lost-be careful about workplace romances. I've always had a personal rule against them, because what if something happens to end it? The company you work for, and the people you work with, not to mention the two of you, don't deserve the difficulty that would cause within the workplace.

Also be careful about getting too attached-is she still in this LTR? If she is, or if you don't know, you're setting yourself up for heartache if you fall too in love with her.

[TnL329]

Yeah I am with Lnt. Is she still in the relationship? If she is run for the hills. And run fast! You don't want to even think of getting in the middle of that.

[sera300]

Originally Posted by Lost one

Well it seems me and this nearly same age female co worker been getting flirty. The thing is I am liking it, just don't know how to proceed.

For the months shes been here, I grew comfortable with her as a female friend type even telling her about women. I was the first male at work to talk to her on her training day. I can't deny I do like her as a person and have some attraction. When I found out she has a long term boyfriend (not engaged), I held back and treated her as a friend.

Lately, I have tried to make her laugh. Tease her. Have had a few long conversations. I can say hello and goodbye with just eye contact. We smile many times at each other and just today she 'bumped' into me.

My friend (who I also know from work) just told me shes a nice/cool chick type. Sure its true and yes she talks to other male co-workers, yet she acts usually straight faced to most of them. She was like this with me too, until recently.

So is this flirting or playfulness? I feel very flattered by this, though I wonder if this is normal and what to do. Can I forge a workplace relationship with her even if its not an out of workplace one?

The questions you have to ask; if anything more was to happen, how would you feel at work? Willing to potentially be uncomfortable? To find out she is just your friend? Willing to loose your job or quit? Willing to gamble?

[smallestoftheclan]

Originally Posted by constantlylearning

It was hard because (as you have posted previously) you love this person. You hear
about the stories that have no end and you think that is the way it will be. And the
love will live a 1,000 years but sometimes Fate conjurs an alternate ending.

He will always have a place/piece of my heart. He and I can remain friends today because of us ending the benefits. I want more than he is willing to give and eventually that would of ended our friendship. He is my friend and I have to set boundaries because of where our relationship had gone, no matter how many people do or do not know.
Having mutual friends makes us ending all contact very difficult, so as the two mature adults we are we act that way. I have no ill feelings for him, if he suddenly runs off and gets married I will be very hurt. We keep what was us to ourselves and the rest is what it is.
We both hope each other find what the other is looking for.

[Lost one]

I doubt this is anything much. I have seen how some work relationships can be myself and seen them end badly. I just don't know what to think of the flirting.

[EvilEvilKitten]

How to proceed? DON'T.

[Lost one]

Originally Posted by EvilEvilKitten

How to proceed? DON'T.

Seems to be another guy chatting her up a lot more them me anyway. He stops work to talk to her, I never let it effect my job.

Lets me say that during the many years I have worked there I have seen or found out about a few romances. It seems people say not to, but often end up with a co-worker. You just may find out later about it. People don't get in trouble because they all try to hide it until it's over.