Shy Guy

[mandy226]

So I know that this paragraph looks daunting but I couldn't thunk of any way to summarize it without leaving out an influencing variable. Please read it and help me.

I have a crush on a guy I have no idea how to read or respond to. I am used to dating confident guys who know what they're doing and make the first move. He is shy. I knew that he liked me by the signals more commonly seen in middle school: looking at me more often than neccesary, quickly averting his eyes when eye contact is made and smiling too frequently when we talked. The problem began when I realized that I liked him back. In the early stages it was easy to talk to him more and let him begin to think I was interested. After waiting for awhile I realized I was going to have to make the first move. So, very casually, I asked him to hang out with me. when I tried to talk to him it became difficult. I'm usually a good conversationalist but he did not offer up much source. as soon as I noticed this I was nervous. The conversation proceeded ackwardly by my terms but thinking back I'm not sure if he felt that too or not. Anyways, regardless of the non-perfection of our "hang out" I was hooked. But the next day I found myself too scared to go talk to him. I found a legitimate excuse to text him later but he only answered my question and didn't respond when I playfully tried to continue. This, combined with the ackwardness have left me way too scared to continue without advice. Subconsciously, although this would never play into how I act around him, I know I'm the best girl he has a chance of getting and it confuses me that he's not trying. (I know that sounds arrogant but it's just something I thought I should add-sorry)

So I guess all I'm really asking is how to tell if he actually likes and is just too shy/inexperienced to take the lead or if he actually just doesn't like me.

[rosebanks]

just ask him, or make the first move for once or show some interest . we cant see him so i gues we dont know but by the way you decribe it i think he does x

[EvilEvilKitten]

Go up to him and say "I really like you and would be interested in dating you but I can see you are not ready for that. Call me when you are." Then walk away and move on.

Why?

Because yes he does like you but he's too immature for a serious relationship just yet - best thing to do is to leave the decision up to him. Otherwise you will find him clinging onto your kneecaps and doing the lap dog thing instead of being a full grown man.

and no woman wants a lap dog when she could have a man

[raez]

Make a definitive move. Thats the only way you'll know for sure.

And don't assume you're the best girl he can get. Its not only arrogant, but sounds like you don't think as much of him as you should if you really want to be with him. Surely thats not the foot you want to start off on if this does end up turning into a relationship. If you don't think he is worthy of a girl that you consider "better" than you, then why do you think he is even good enough for you? Choosing a partner is as much about finding someone who is worthy of you as it is about being appreciative of them for who they are and the fact that they return the thought. Thinking that you see good qualities in him that other girls overlook is one thing, but don't just assume that you are the best he can get. That kind of attitude makes it seem like either you think he isn't deserving of someone who possesses many good qualities all-around, or that you are a shallow individual who judges people on a very limited and superficial basis. Maybe there is another girl out there who might not be as pretty as you or whatever, but who can more easily converse with him than you and bring him out of his shell a bit...such a thing could be of higher value to him.

One other thing you might consider though, maybe he thinks the same thing, that you are possibly out of his league, and that whatever interest you show in him isn't really genuine. That can be an intimidating thing for him, so no, his reaction wouldn't be to put his full effort into pursuiting you, for fear of rejection. Be sensitive to this. Try giving HIM recognition for the good qualities you see in HIM, rather than thinking about YOUR good qualities and wondering why he isn't falling over himself to get to you.

Be sincere in your approach to him, make it clear that you are seriously interested in him.

*I agree with EEK above... if your approach to him doesn't result in a clear response one way or the other, don't hang around playing games with him. If he is so shy that he can't manage a "yeah sure lets go out this weekend then" he needs more time to grow into his own person a bit

[arutha]

You are stuck a little bit, most people that age that are shy can be really outgoing once they are comfortable and get to know you, and he will eventually need someone to be aggressive and just take him through everything so he can see it is easy, whether you want to do that or not... But just remember if you do decide to be bold, you will be making all the first moves. You will have to kiss him first, initiate anything intimate and take the lead, which lots of girls really don't want to do.

I don't think you should make the first move kissing him, but if you do want to try stuff anyway, you need to let him know that you do like him and be really flirty, get him comfortable around you, and used to you touching him so he can start getting used to touching you. You may have to make the first kiss pretty much forced by you, like get right in his face, depending on how easily he loses his shyness, but you shouldn't do it 100% or he won't learn.

[EvilEvilKitten]

Sorry but I disagree with "really shy guys can be outgoing once they get comfortable with you" because it is not your job to make him comfortable with himself any more than his orgasms are your responsiblity which they aren't.

Each of us must go through the crucible of finding out who we are on our own. At least have enough respect for him to permit him to do so. He is not being a challenge and he is not someone for you to practice your wiles on - he is his own person and his problems are his to overcome or not.

Be honest. Be up front. Never play games. Tell him what I told you to and leave it with him. Abide by his decision. Why?

Because if you're going to indulge in adult behaviors you must be adult about it and fair is fair. Treat him well so you are worthy of also being treated well.