Do I have trust issues????

[bluesfan]

Hi all.

First off thank you for reading this and for all your advice. I have been seeing my gf for over a year. I have never been this happy. Now that having been said, I question things. Now you should know first off that I got burned bad and spent 5 years alone. I was happy alone. But meeting her has been life altering. So here's why I worry. I'm trying to figure out if it's just my lack of trust, or, should I worry about this

On our first date I asked if she had been single for along time, now this was august, she told me there had been no one in her life since January of that year. I asked if she was over him and she said yes. So I agreed to see her again. Now remember here that I was happy alone and there would have been no way I would have put myself into a position of being burnt again. So we started seeing each other more and more. I now live with her and have no reason not to trust her. But I made the mistake of reading previous msn messages between her and her x. We met in august, and I saw messages between her and him dating 5 days before we met. Now should I worry that this was a lie, or should I chalk it up to not wanting to ruin a new thing by mentioning the old. Had I known she was still in contact at that point it would have ended right there.

I am a very straight forward person. I hate lies. I am at odds with myself as to how to deal with this. Do I bring it up, or let it go. We plan to marry next year and it weighs heavy on my heart.

All comments would be welcome and thank you all.

[sera300]

Do not concern yourself with the time frames. We all do silly things & really don't want to admit it. This is the reason I do not ask about a persons sex past.

With this said; I am a divorced woman for years. If I went on a date; think I want to tell him if he did ask [not that I would answer] when was the last time I spent time with my former fiance? Answer is really not his business, it's mine, and if I say I am ready to be exclusive, I am. I really do not want to explain a "bootie call" to a guy I just began seeing! Nor do I ever want to explain it.

If I am with you exclusively; I am with you alone...no need to question a silly email. Believe half of what you see & none of what you hear.

Jealousy is insecurity & will turn someone off. If you have no trust; you don't belong together.

[arutha]

Being over someone and talking to them is two different things... Some people can become friends after breaking up, or even just talk occasionally and catch up. I really see no issue with her talking to an ex before you even started going out with her, that is taking things a bit too far and you shouldn't bring it up with her or it will cause an unneccesary argument, first with you checking her chat logs and second with you being concerned about what she is soing before you are even going out with her.

[EvilEvilKitten]

Okay I'm going to be hard and callous - are you man or a mouse? Are you sure? Because from here, that's not the message I'm receiving.

Life has its disappointments and there will be people who will let you down both in ways small and large. It is how you handle these things that tell us who you are - man/woman or mouse.

She has NOT betrayed you or lied to you or anything of the kind. YOU have betrayed yourself. Your previous did not just burn you, she cut your testicles off and is waving them in your face and you continue to permit it by being so insecure that you PRIED into what was NONE of your business. And now you want to know if you should have a major meltdown about it?!?

YES you should kick yourself from here to Jerusalem! You are willing to let the best damn thing that ever happened to you go because of some old messages. ARE YOU INSANE? Is your head even with you? Look at her! She could most likely replace you in a New York nanosecond - could you replace her? Where are you going to find another woman who cares that much about you that she'd let you live with her after only a year of dating? I wouldn't have done that. Not even if you were on your knees.

You may have been happy being alone but now - you won't be. Not ever again. And if you let this chance go, you will most likely end up being one of those sad old men hanging around bars ogling all the young chicks, giving them the creeps, whilst crying in your $1 beer. Is that the life you dream about? This woman hasn't done anything to deserve your mistrust so you should go and apologise to her for being such a damn fool.

Man or mouse?

[lnt1103]

You're a very straight forward person, huh? So straight forward you can't manage to talk to the woman you're going to marry next year about your concerns? So straight forward you're checking her logs behind her back?

I would echo that just because she had a message from him doesn't equal not being over him. Maybe they're still able to be civil or even friendly to each other, just couldn't be involved with each other romantically. It happens.

Relax and focus on YOU AND HER, not her and her past. And learn to trust her, and to express yourself to her. Communication is the ultimate key to a successful relationship.

[sera300]

And a "NY Nanosecond" is very fast! And a life time alone is not much fun either, especially after you had it all.

[TnL329]

I mean really, how dumb is this. IT WAS BEFORE YOU FREAKIN MET!!! Plus, why the hell would you look back at stuff from BEFORE she met you! GAWD!!!!

[RichH]

dude, when you go digging around you'll uncover just about anything. your question to her was "are you over him". just b/c she messaged or what ever doesn't mean anything. i've always related better to chicks and have stayed close friends with exes and have plenty of chick friends. if you are going to trust you have to go all in, what is in somebody's past is the past and if you can't over come that your future is doomed......

[PunkChick]

just ask her about it, she may be mad at you for reading her msgs but if you love each other like u say she will tell u the truth, but like the others say it's her past, maybe she didn't want to mention it because she knew u would overreact and worry like this, she obciously likes u alot if you're gonna get married so try not to worry so much!!