Trouble Touching?

[Lost one]

Well, its seems I got a problem that hurts me pick up women and relations. I have a small problem on how or when to touch them. Touching and feeling in general. Sometimes I'm talking to one and they touch my arm, which is fine. Sometimes I've tried touching back and it seemed to feel creepy to me or her. My family was never touchy so I lack the comfort level. My body gets defensive when someone touches or grabs me even if it's a woman. I suspect this contributes to my male virginity since sex does need a lot of touching.

Any woman I have somewhat attracted was on the dance floor (a place that is generally expected to touch/hold/rub/whatever) with only one exception. The guys who know how to touch and feel right always score the ladies, while I come off as cold or uninterested even when I am. I have developed some comfort with putting my arms on woman's back, but its not enough.

What can I do if I am not normally a touchy, feely, huggy person? I don't want to lose another lady being unable talk and touch. How can I train myself and my body to respond to physical communication?

[cyclefreak]

I can understand this, because I was much the same when I was younger. My parents loved me and expressed it their own way, but they were never very tactile. Consequently, I didn't know how to react to being touched, and would tend to instinctively recoil from it.

The curious thing is, though, that despite this I discovered I was quite good at kissing (although my sexual introduction came much later). At the age of 14 I went to a birthday party and unexpectedly found myself involved in a game of spin the bottle. That was my introduction to kissing, and I soon realised that kissing also involves a lot of body contact. Over time I became more and more used to touching, until I have reached the point now where I am comfortable with it. In fact, I have discovered that I am really quite a tactile person, now that I have broken down the barriers.

Ok, enough about talking about myself.

The only way to go forward is to work on it in stages. Look for opportunities in small things that invite a response. It might be something as simple as someone touching you lightly on the arm during a conversation. You might find that you can respond in a similar way, but your response needs to be appropriate to the situation. You have to condition yourself against the recoil response, as that may be seen by others as rejection.

Also, don't think of touching as being necessarily a sexual thing. Most touching is non-sexual in nature.

Anyway, as you allow the barriers to be broken down, you will find that touching gradually becomes more natural. We humans are inherently tactile creatures (just look at our nearest relatives, the chimps!) and its just a matter of allowing that natural ability to express itself. It will take time, but you will get there.

[arutha]

It is pretty much something that you just develop over time, the first few times are scary but then it gets easier. You need to be willing to fail and not worried about it, because even every rejection gives you great experience for next time. Enjoy touching girls, do it more and more but watch their response so you can see where most girl's boundaries are and become more comfortable doing things within the boundaries.

[EvilEvilKitten]

Okay, first the Rule: NEVER EVER touch a woman BEFORE she has touched you.

Then you use light pressure - not enough to break bones and not too little so she thinks there's a fly on her.

Keep your hands away from her feminine parts. Arms, hands, back above the waist - all good.