Things that irk me?!?!

[Ducy]

Okay, so I understand that people have certain attractions, and I understand that some people do have attractions to people who are opposite to them.

But why do people hold their partner to expectations that they themselves cant even accomplish? I mean for instance an aging<sp? lol> male balding, with a beer gut the size of a beach ball who only wants his wife to be a victoria secret super model.

I just dont understand. Sure I get that 90% of men in this world are attracted to super model types. (I said 90% so dont sit here telling me that you dont like super models, I dont really care if you do or dont)

And then there are the girls who are 5'5 165 pounds and they want their man to be pure muscle, 6'2" 180 pounds with 8% bodyfat. How does that work? I mean granted yea they might turn your head when you see them, but how can you hold your SO to such standards when you yourself cant even meet your standards.

Me personally, I am 61" 170 with a little extra fat. I do hit the gym regularly. I do look pretty decent, and I wear clothes that fit and look good.

Standards wise, I look for a girl who goes to the gym or at least works at and stays in shape. Now for shape I mean someone who can walk up stairs without needing to sit down, or can have sex for 10 minutes without needing to rest for an hour and a half (unless its crazy rough sex or something haha ) At least semi cute, and dresses in a way that matches their body. i.e. clothes that fit, not wearing a garbage bag sized tshirt.

Is that too much to ask? I mean physically. Mentally I would love a lot of things, but it just seems ridiculous that I get told my standards are too high by an obese girl who is telling her man he needs to shed a few pounds cuz he is starting to look fat. (meanwhile the guy is flat stomached, just cant see his 6 pack...and yes I really did have this happen to me at work)

Im sorry this is probably the most random and longest post I have ever put up here but this just really bothers me. Am I being a really asshole by saying this? Cuz I dont think its right, morally at least. I mean its like saying I hate crack heads and you turn around and light up your crack pipe.

[EvilEvilKitten]

You are not alone in wondering this, Ducy. I have heard many men and women, both in shape and out, saying similar things.

The difficulty seems to lie between being accepted for inner qualities in spite of less than perfect outer appearances.

Those who feel they should be accepted for who they are inside, tend to not put much emphasis upon their appearance. I am supposing here. And vice versa.

Yet it does not mean that those people who want to be accepted for who they are are not willing to bend a bit when it comes to judging others based upon appearances. Tis very odd.

My motto: "If you're willing to forgive me my figure flaws, I'm willing to forgive you yours."

You may stick to your standards as you will but your credibility will suffer if you yourself cannot meet them.

[lustforlove]

I agree with EEK, I also find one you are in a more intimate relationship you look passed all that and your just happy to be with them. I know i am with my boyfirend.

[sera300]

Ducy: There is a word for us--it's called superficial.

Honestly, the issue is when people go out they all look for the best looking one. As once said though, looks only get your foot in the door. You have to have a personality as well. But when you met people you have criteria & if people take their time to know the person; that's when they get attractive. A mere surface glimpse is not enough. I do believe though you need to stay in shape for you well being & same to keep yourself in reasonable condition. It should be a way of life & I find that many who do not have concerns about the way they look, in the broad sense, are not happy with themselves. I like a man with muscle, prefer a little meat on his bones over too skinny. I avoid "pretty boys" since they bring trouble.

I like the insides and the outsides--his mannerism is what goes get me. The beauty queens and kings? Better off with themselves, not with me.

[smallestoftheclan]

Hey Ducy, the exterior is the exterior. If you look on line you can find sites for men or women that are attracted to a certain body type. Large women or men, as in weight, large chested women, athletic men or women, ect ect. Just because a man or women is large does not mean they are attracted to someone who also is. I am just under 5'2" and about 115 pounds, yet I have dated a man who was 6'4" and obese (his doctor was pushing for gastric bypass). It was who he was, not his weight that attracted me to him.
If one is concerned about their partners weight it may be more than just appearence. It may be a health issue. Maybe their partner just needs to be coached into stop being a couch potato, or maybe skipping the gym one night and coming home for a romantic dinner and a movie.
It's so hard to know what all goes on in someone elses relationship.

[Buck Naked]

What frustrates me is the other side on that argument. My wife is petite woman that is very sexy. Kinda has that Lolita thing going on. Yet when I tell her how good she looks she says to me "you're only saying that because you have to". I know that she looks much better then I do, yet she doesn't see it. To me, she is the hottest thing going, and yet she still thinks I'm nuts. I guess there are many people in the world that can't see the truth about themselves...good or bad.

[Gorgeous Mistake]

I've discussed this many times with several different people.

I've always known the issue was there but was sparked when my friend (your stereotypical asian, straight from Korea), was looking through a magazine and said I wanna marry a model. I was like "Dude, do you think you're a model?"

People are so superficial, and although I myself don't suffer from their shallowness, it does make me look around and feel almost pity (I know its bad to pity someone) for those whom will never experience the annoynomous flowers, love notes, just cute things that make a girl smile. I know girls whom have an amazing personality, oh they are a joy, but guys will never really see them more as friends, because they're not attractive enough for girlfriend material.

It bothers me also to see a single semi good looking male and a semi good looking female, whom say they will not go out with one another because they want something "better." It's almost grotesque.

What I look for in outer appearance: I need a guy whom works out (six pack, broad shoulders, tone arms, etc) and runs everyday, I love the feeling of muscle and I love the stamina , tall (5'6''-6'1''), has to be VERY clean (I'm a bit of a germ freak), has the "preppy, surfer" or "skater" look.

Yes, my standards are high but you know what?? I'm willing to go for the hilarious chubby guy if he ever wanted to give it a go with me, I've never had any guy less than what I described come on to me :/. Humor goes a LONG way with me...

As for my current boyfriend he has, does all of the above and his chosen look is the "preppy" look.

And as for me, I take very good care of myself. I have to admit, I can be pretty insecure at times no matter what my boyfriend(s) have tried to get through my head. It's almost as if.. it's never good enough for my own standards. I'm my hardest critic, when I wish I was my biggest fan.

Society puts the "beautiful people" at the top, it's almost hard to see it otherwise. It is annoying, but this will probably never change even without magazines or tv.

[sera300]

People, men & women, forget all those nice magazines are models who do this for a living. They have been made-up, dressed to the hilt, air brushed, diet constantly while working, and it's not all it's meant to be. Just think if you touched one of them, the makeup & hairspray involved! Now does everyone want fake? Then ask yourself the gorgeous woman with the strange looking dude? Some of them lack a brain. Others, the guy is really wonderful. When the time is right you will surprised how what you are & what you want changes. I have to have a guy who will hit the gym but not live there. Why? I will quit going, loss of motivation & if he does not how can he appreciate what I do keep in decent shape? Why do I do it? After a certain point in life you just wish to keep things where they belong. If I was not the Barbie before, certainly not going to be one now. But clean, neat, and in shape is a requirement. Much has to do with health issues; not outer beauty. At the age of 17, I modeled due to my height and just doing local runway work, you could NOT eat or DRINK anything other than water before...needless to say, I did not last long. Decided to get through College.

[lnt1103]

Buck: All through high school, every time my hs sweetie paid me a compliment on my looks, I told him he was 'blind'. Until one day he literally got angry with me for it. He said it was the truth and it was about time I believed it of myself. And that day, some small part of me began to do just that. And that part of me has grown over the years.

But I still always blush at having my looks complimented, sometimes still have trouble seeing it myself, and even now and again argue with it. I think it comes to the fact that we are always our own worst critic.

[TnL329]

If anyone thinks looks don't have something to do with it is crazy. I mean you have to be able to look at your partner. However, there is more to it than looks. I mean as judgmental as it sounds, I look in someones eyes, and if I don't like the look they have no chance with me. One thing that pisses me off tho, is when I hear people talk about how they went out on this date, and they had great conversation, they laughed, they talked, sometimes cried, and it was the sweetest guy or girl, then they say they just didn't have looks to my standards, so I pry won't go out with them again. That is just craziness.