As if it couldn't get worse.

[Lost one]

Well ya its about that woman, but this time it's really the lowest blow of my life.

Yesterday was a day I had looked forward to. The day I thought I could lose my virginity. This is a big deal to me even if not others. I messed it up before and I finally had the perfect plan to get it right. Everything that could go wrong went wrong.

First, I got a bad cut on my face and plus the anxiety attack (not the something you take pills for) and so I called in from work. While the boss likes me, she is probably pissed at me.

So the whole day I heal the cut best I can before the 'big day'. A storm is also overhead, but passes. I call her and she just wants to go to the club. Not unusual for us anyway. Finally she meets me and we go clubbing.

At the club she sees an ex-boyfriend and his roommate. No big deal to me, they just seem like friends. Its the roommates birthday and hes a nice guy. So yes, we all go over for what is supposed to be a few hours, drinks and leave. Well, everyone gets messed up. I'm sure she was messed up the second worst. Just supposed to rest to sober up.

The roommate passes out, but hey its his birthday. Then in the middle of the night I noticed that 'my girl' and her 'ex' are missing. Yes, that are locked in the bedroom and obviously you know what happened. Obviously, even drunk, she has feelings for him. Mistake or not? I don't know.

Morning comes and the roommate drops me home. I tell him we were dating and he tells me that's happened to him too. I never really slept knowing what had happened. Even now I have had no sleep despite computer, lifting weights and no sleep for a day.

I am going through so many emotions at once they just numb each other out to the point that I don't feel. She is obviously a bad, troubled woman and not what I wanted to deal with. I'm sure now they are back and maybe she probably will forget I exist. I put the time, some money and patients into this and here's my slap in the face reward.

For many this is a no-brain-er. Forget her and move on. That's nice if your rich, tall, handsome, good looking or have a winning personality. I don't dominate in any. What's worse is being a virgin (though I have had 'exploration'), makes me more vulnerable then most.

What do I do? What if she apologizes? Am I cursed to be an eternal virgin? Must I have to pay for it? How do I bounce back from this? How does this not destroy my self esteem? So much in my head. I have had some really sad days, but this takes the cake.

[Buck Naked]

Be happy you didn't waste your first time on that. Just think of how you would've felt if she pulled that the day AFTER you lost your viginity. It may not seem like it right now, but I really think you dodged a bullet.

[dancingdoc2]

> Forget her and move on. That's nice if your rich, tall, handsome, good looking or have a winning personality. I don't dominate in any.

Oh, woe is me.... I bet like many of us you have a good balance of each attribute. Act confidently and confidence will come to you. Act like a wimp and it will precede you. Yup, I also believe you may have dodged a bullet.

> I call her and she just wants to go to the club. Not unusual for us anyway.

How 'bout a real date? Invite her to go somewhere and do something or see something, have dinner, find a secluded road, park, or out of the way place to park. Dating is not clubbing. While I get that she ran into a friend and engaged him, what happened to the she and I?

Drinking?? No comment.

> Am I cursed to be an eternal virgin? Must I have to pay for it? How do I bounce back from this?

Learn to put things in order, first things first. Unless you plan to hook up with a hooker, begin by doing lots of dating and developing relationships out of these encounters. When you hit it of with a girl and she you, then devote lots of weeks to developing a solid relationship. Save loosing your virginity for way down the road.

Once you develop a strong friendship, emotional bonds, like spending time with each other doing things or not, and the romance aspect has begun and is moving right along, then let things progress. She knows what you want, yet women control boundaries. When and if she is ready for more of whatever it is, romance, sex, coffee, you, she will let it be known by word or deed. The same goes for how fast things progress in the romance department. Read the two articles in the Index that address this issue as well as another on "Implied Consent".

Are you doomed to be a lifelong virgin? I rather doubt it. Right now you are fighting with your hormones and the fact that you want to venture into the unknown. Before you venture there, be prepared. Know what condom to ware, have lube available, read up on the pertinent articles in order to acquire insight on the how-to aspect of all this. THEN, have a discussion with your girlfriend about her readiness and willingness to do manual and/or oral stimulation of each other. When the time comes following these activities, she may or may not want intercourse. If she does, then learn what you can about her method of contraception, and whether she is a virgin.

Now, go out and date and date many people in order to learn about what humanity has to offer you in the way of personalities, character, likes, dislikes, quirks, morals, values, etc. Doing so will make it much easier to identify Ms. Right when she comes along. You will also better understand what qualities you want in a partner.

Go for it!

[sera300]

I agree with doc...100%. You have your priorities out of order AND learn to choose better women. You need to have yourself in order first.

[Lost one]

Its been a day and looking back I feel much better. I let myself and my confidence slip just to be with her. Defiantly gave the dodged a bullet stuff a thought and I fully understand.

I kinda feel that while some of it was fun, I still wasted most of the month with someone unstable herself that I didn't connect with. I need to find my type and her ex is her type. Thanks.

[sera300]

Yes. You wasted a month of your time with a woman who has no respect for you. This is why you do not date one woman, you date many to see what you want. So get back out there and try again; you learned a valuable lesson.

[TnL329]

I don't think a month is wasted at all, especially if you learned something. Life and dating is all about learning.

[lnt1103]

Amen. Our experiences, both good and not so good, make us who we are. Sure, there are some things in my past that I'd like to change, but each and every thing I've done or been through has contributed to this person that I've become, which I wouldn't change for anything in the world. That which is formative of us as people is incredibly valuable, whether it comes from happy moments or not.

[pink_menace]

pull yourself together and move on....you have yet explored this entire planet.....
you are destined for greatness...find yourself lucky to lose her....
as long as your still living...there still wonderful opportunity that awaits you....^^