How do I keep her entertained?

[Lost one]

Okay most people can get through a date or two just fine, but after knowing about a person then what? My current date and I go to bars, drink and watch other people or play pool. Sounds dull, but what can one do in a area with nothing but bars and restaurants?

Sadly we (especially her) is more entertained by other people then each other. We live similar lives of work then home and doing nothing much else. We simply don't talk much. We don't even touch or hold though it could be due to me being reserved.

I'd love to learn how to be less boring and keep her attention on me then the room. To make her smile like I did when I met her which would improve her attraction to me. I even asked if she was attracted to me and she said she doesn't know. We have had some sexuality, so I imagine that could mean mental attraction. I need help re-sparking the fire somehow through conversation, activities or touch. What can I do?

[sera300]

Re-spark the fire? You need to begin with some kindling wood. You need to get out both of you and do things other than hanging out in bars, drinking. Get some fun, go to a movie, dinner out. Find areas where you have mutual interests. If you do nothing other than work & drink; your conversations will go no farther.

Have you ever discussed her life, early on? Yours? Values? Thoughts? Etc.?

[goof'schik]

There has to be more than bars and restaurants. Go bowling, go to the next town if you have to to find a movie theatre. Although bowling will be more of a you and her only thing. Ask a buddy what he does, gives you some date ideas. With school back in go watch the local high school football game, or go watch the local jr high school football game (they will be thrilled to have fans). There is basketball, hockey, soccer games too, call the school and get a schedule, or look it up on the internet.
After a game or two and you think this may be a regular thing get both of you shirts with the school name and school colors. This also brings you into the community. Maybe get invited over to someones house for dinner, couples. And when your out hold her hand. When you hold the door make a quirky comment "after you my lady" or such. Show her she is special and she'll see you as someone special too.

[HardNgood]

That is why you date! After a few dates and things are stale, DUMP HER A$$! Can you even imagine what it would be like after a few years if you are bored to tears after 2 dates?? MOVE ON pal...you are not in charge of the entertainment committee. Obvisouly there is NO CHEMISTRY. There is one out there for you! Good Luck

[constantlylearning]

Again, pretty sound advice from Hard. If it's not there---IT'S NOT THERE.

[sera300]

I have to say "lost one" what are you doing? You are trying to make a relationship with what you are describing as a "bar-fly". Does this woman have any appeal to you other than you getting laid? Sorry to be so blunt but sound as if she wants to sit & drink; meanwhile, you are hoping she will have sex with you. Do you even like her since most of your descriptors of her seem derogatory?

[EvilEvilKitten]

Learn to dance! Go on picnics. Take up fencing with swords. Horseback riding. Roller-skating. Whatever - just go out and do something physical and active! Right now, you're boring the poor woman to death!

[Lost one]

Originally Posted by sera300

I have to say "lost one" what are you doing? You are trying to make a relationship with what you are describing as a "bar-fly". Does this woman have any appeal to you other than you getting laid? Sorry to be so blunt but sound as if she wants to sit & drink; meanwhile, you are hoping she will have sex with you. Do you even like her since most of your descriptors of her seem derogatory?

Well sera, I like somethings about her. I am simply learning about sex and dating. Maybe we can have something, but I doubt she will be my wife or long term lover. I guess its a learning thing for me so I only plan to take it for whats its worth. Just two lonely people getting together.

[sera300]

Originally Posted by Lost one

Well sera, I like somethings about her. I am simply learning about sex and dating. Maybe we can have something, but I doubt she will be my wife or long term lover. I guess its a learning thing for me so I only plan to take it for whats its worth. Just two lonely people getting together.

Okay; if you find things about her attractive [not counting the sex] find activities as many have suggested. They may not appear to be fun; however, when embarking on new experiences together you make it fun & have a good time.

When winter would come, outdoor activities/dates were limited here, so my former fiance & I took Ballroom dancing classes. This is something neither would have done regularly but together we had a blast...same with Rollerblading. It's a challenge to learn new thing but when you do it together you have fun.

So just two lonely people that have an interest in hanging out expands beyond dinner & drinks. Just look for something new & different & try it, you might surprise yourself. Just because of the sexual attraction is there may not build a love of the life or marriage; however, you may find over time you are good friends.

[dancingdoc2]

As for just learning about love, life, and sex, ya just gotta know that every one of us has either been at this stage or will be sometime in the future, so your predicament is nothing unusual or out of the ordinary. It is what it is--the beginning of one of life's lessons.

I grew up in a small town in the heart of California's Mother Lode. There are bars and restaurants in the town, although as a high school kid--what do you do on a date in a small town? What do you do to entertain yourself if not on a date? The answer is to become creative--and have a tank full of gas in the car in order to go the the nearby big city. At the very least, a drive out to lovers' lane or a deserted country road.

Most communities have trails, ponds, lakes, rivers/streams and places to have picnics. Look into local theater productions, wait for a good movie. Ask questions and volunteer information about personal interests, likes and dislikes, then plan dates around these new found interests.

I agree that whether you find yourself in a small town or enveloped by big city trappings, you have to get creative. Not everybody plays pool or goes to bars. Think. What about museums? Read the paper to learn of special activities that are going on next weekend or the near future. Your best most reliable "activity guide" is each other.

I also enjoy people watching, although, I mostly do it at the mall walking the halls or while sitting and waiting; any more and it is an idle waste of time. If she is more entertained by other people than you, then you might not be right for her. This is the purpose behind dating--to discover what humanity has to offer. Through the process we learn about characters, quirks, likes, dislikes, morals, goals, and more, of the people we meet. Dating does not begin and end with the first warm body that expresses an interest in us. Dating is an ongoing process in which we become involved with other people. At first this is temporary and later if there is more than a mutual attraction, it evolves into something more. If not, then we move on to the next candidate and so on and on. This is how we grow and how we are better able to recognize Mr./Ms. Right when the person comes along. If this girl is not who you are looking for, then move on. Try again with someone else until that special person does come along. Do not try to make something work that has all the wrong or missing components. We date to discover these things.

Originally Posted by Lost one

Okay most people can get through a date or two just fine, but after knowing about a person then what? My current date and I go to bars, drink and watch other people or play pool. Sounds dull, but what can one do in a area with nothing but bars and restaurants?

Sadly we (especially her) is more entertained by other people then each other. We live similar lives of work then home and doing nothing much else. We simply don't talk much. We don't even touch or hold though it could be due to me being reserved.

I'd love to learn how to be less boring and keep her attention on me then the room. To make her smile like I did when I met her which would improve her attraction to me. I even asked if she was attracted to me and she said she doesn't know. We have had some sexuality, so I imagine that could mean mental attraction. I need help re-sparking the fire somehow through conversation, activities or touch. What can I do?

What you had after the initial introduction was the honeymoon period in which people are all smiles, kind, considerate, and wanting to please. Once we pass this phase, life becomes real and the true nature of a person begins to show. If she was truly interested in you then she would be making every effort to let you know this; that she apparently is not, is an indicator to me that she is not all that into you. This being the case, say thanks and move on to the next person to date and try, again.