Forgetting about a cheating ex

[Ktina]

I was extremely stupid in this past relationship I was in, mainly because he was my first serious boyfriend and I thought I was in love. We dated for 3 months, and it was a rocky erlationship. It was so up and down.

But towards the end I found out he had been cheating and lying to me. Now, I am over him; I don't want him back. If none of this would have happened I think we could have been good friend, but we couldn't be a couple. I don't find myself wanting to cry about him anymore, and I also don't find myself being upset that we will never be together again.

The problem is that I am upset I was betrayed. My trust was completely broken. It bugs me that he could have been telling me that he oved me and wanted to be with me and me only, and then saying it to another girl and denying that I exsisted. How can you really care about someone and be able to do that? This makes me think the past 3 months were all a lie.

I know, he doesn't deserve me. Which is why he isn't getting me back. But things keep popping in my head, like is he telling this girl the same things he told me? Does he know he was wrong? And I also think about all the lies, and nw that I analyze the realationship more, I realize I should have ended it sooner.

Any advice?

[dancingdoc2]

This is why dating should be about learning what humanity has to offer us, rather than stopping with the first warm body expressing an interest in us. Until a person is ready to settle down, relationships should be non-exclusive in order to prevent all the drama and trauma you describe--and more.

So, date lots of people whether sequentially or at one time in order to have fun, have potentially lots of dating activities, variety and new experiences, and, most importantly learning about the many characters, likes, dislikes, quirks, morals, interests, etc., that people posses in order to better recognize when Mr./Ms. Right comes along.

[goof'schik]

Being betrayed and hurt by someone we have feelings for is rough, been there a time or two. More like half a dozen or more, not all people that I had a sexual relationship with and not all men. And getting past it can be hard, it can make you feel like they are just around the corner and because you don't want to see them you don't go around the corner. Continue to live your life, I see it as the best revenge. And be open to new relationships, if asked about your hesitancy to do something tell them. "I was just hurt really bad by someone and so...". If they take you by the hand and help you walk around that corner, awesome, and if not, then they are not worthy of you either.Now go and read what you wrote.
No he doesn't deserve you. Stick to your guns and don't take him back.
I totally agree that once a man puts a hand on a woman he'll hit again, and one lie leads to another which leads to another.
Who cares what he is tell this other girl. I have a friend who saw this guy every Friday nite, he saw a different woman every Saturday nite. Now Saturday knew about Friday and she was ok with it. My friend, thinking she was in a committed relationship with this man kicked him to the curb as soon as she found out about this other woman. He didn't tell my friend about this other woman because he knew she wouldn't be ok with it.
Unless you owe this other girl something what he tells her and what she tells him is between them. Now if you run into them in the mall and want to make a remark, so is this the one you were cheating on me with, that's one thing. But I don't suggest you go looking for her.
Does he know he was wrong? He lied, so yes. Does he feel remorse? Some do and some don't. Some only do because of hindsight. Some don't because they feel that lying was the way to keep you from getting hurt, which usually leads to you being hurt more.
There are lots of life's journeys where when we look back we see what we should of seen. Look to the future and not the past. Don't let this man have one more second of your life, he's gone and you are done. Go look for happiness.

[EvilEvilKitten]

Date simultaneously as many men, not boys, as you can talk into it. Dating does not mean having sex with btw. Do NOT whine about how some guy hurt you in the past. Have sex if you want to have sex and are properly prepared (BCPs etc) and don't if you don't. But do NOT think sex = love, it doesn't and it doesn't have to. Stop being exclusive. Stop giving away your heart so easily and for so little.

Learn to pick your men better. If he's a lout, he'll show it - just as this guy did. No excuses. If he does what he said he wouldn't, ditch him. If he does not do what he said he would, ditch him. If he treats you with any disrespect, ditch him. One lie, ditch him. Do not accept anything but his best from him - no compromises.

The other girl is irrelevant. The ONLY thing that matters is what occurs between you and him. Since it was your first 'serious' boyfriend, I'll let you off lightly. Just remember that you only have those rights over a boyfriend that he chooses to give you - so stop believing it is "cheating" to date more than one at a time. It isn't cheating until you're married to him.

[lnt1103]

Piece of advice I read somewhere: Don't spend too much of today worrying about yesterday or you could miss tomorrow.

Put another way, don't coulda shoulda woulda. I also once heard it said that when people 'if only....' it starts 'if only they'd done this' and ends with 'if only i'd done that'.

Point being: put it behind you and move on. Dont worry about any of it anymore.

[raez]

Originally Posted by Ktina

] How can you really care about someone and be able to do that? This makes me think the past 3 months were all a lie.

Yes, they were a lie. You thought you were in an exclusive, loving relationship, and he was telling you so but his actions proved otherwise. Most likely, he didn't give a damn about whether he ended up hurting you, he just cared about getting caught. If this is the case nothing can make him feel bad about it. It sucks, it hurts, I know because I've been there, but you just have to accept it and move on. You live, you learn. And you know now the kind of person he truly is, and can look down upon him with disdain but don't let it occupy your thoughts. Its over and done with. Don't let it get you down, the best comfort comes from within yourself in knowing that you are a strong and independent woman and act the part. You are above his foolish tricks. From now on, you know that you can't always trust a man's words alone and that just because he is intimate with you doesn't mean that he loves you

If this is something that you feel is going to inhibit you in your future dating life, then I would have to agree with EEK. Date a few men, have a look at whats out there and don't put all your eggs in one basket so to speak. If you do find someone that you want to be exclusive with eventually, then make sure that its clear to him that that is what you want. "Dating" can mean very different things to different people. And don't go blathering about having been hurt by someone.. if that is an issue, you probably aren't ready to be dating seriously again. It just makes you look like you've got excess emotional baggage, no guy really wants to deal with that.

[uncreativename]

Sometimes you do hit upon a bad egg, but don't let that colour your view of other men. You've said goodbye to bad rubbish so feel proud of yourself. The three months were not necessarily a 'lie' or in any way invalid..you spent three months learning something important..you learnt what your values are and that you are strong enough to confront someone who is in the wrong. It's best not to psychoanalyse too much, it will drive you pretty mad after a while. Just put it down to experience and never take that guy back..he's not worth a penny!

[pink_menace]

you will never learned something if you don't make mistakes...
remember...we learned from our mistakes...
so take it from there...
everything happens for a reason....

[EvilEvilKitten]

The 'reason' it happened is she chose to go out with a lout - an unworthy male. Perhaps she was looking for that "bad boy excitement" or some other idiocy.

She has now learned why a smart girl selects her men with great care and using her head, not her heart.