Long Distance sucks! Advice please!

[Bipolar_Bitch]

Okay, so here's what happened. I go up to Baltimore with my friend. We're staying at her boyfriend's house there which now is her fiance. Anyways, I just got out of a really bad relationship with my ex and I meet her fiance's bestfriend. We really connected. We talked, flirted, etc. Within the first two hours of knowing each other we had sex. LOTS of sex. Now I know that sounds like I was using him as a rebound and it probably would've seemed that way if we started going out. So anyway, it just sounds like a weekend fling right? No! We actually have feelings for each other now here's the thing. We've been talking on Myspace and AIM ever since I left. And we both have had really bad experience's with long distance relationships and just relationships in general. We really like each other but were both so scared of starting a relationship. I'm thinking I should give it to my 18th birthday which is in November to really discuss the possibility other than that we are just friends. Another thing is, I know this sounds silly but sometimes i get nervous talking to him even though its online. I just don't want him thinking im pressed on his nuts or anything. We talked on the phone briefly the other day but we kept getting interrupted by the other people in the room, that and my friend and him were playing a trick on me lol...they wanted to see if i could tell who was who. So anyways, I'm just nervous and not quite sure what to do. Honestly for now I want to be single and take some time for myself but at the same time I want to build a relationship with him even if its only a friendship for now. I just get really nervous starting up a conversation with him sometimes. And the thing is I'm not shy lol so anyways, any feedback I really would appreciate.
thanks

[lnt1103]

Pay attention to your instincts to wait. No, you weren't purposely using him as a rebound, but yes, that's what he was. And still is. You need time to get comfortable again with who you are in your own right, in your own uncommitted skin, without a man in your life, before you can add another man to it and expect a relationship to work.

[goof'schik]

Long distance relationships take a lot of work. If you're not ready to commit then tell him. Tell him you just got out of this other relationship and you want to give yourself til November.
Then don't talk to him, phone, text, email, or aim. If it is ment to be then he will still be there in November.

[constantlylearning]

Go to the beach it's much more fun........

[Bipolar_Bitch]

Originally Posted by goof'schik

Long distance relationships take a lot of work. If you're not ready to commit then tell him. Tell him you just got out of this other relationship and you want to give yourself til November.
Then don't talk to him, phone, text, email, or aim. If it is ment to be then he will still be there in November.

No like I understand right now that I need time because I JUST did get out of a really abusive relationship...thats why I'm giving it til November to see how things go because right now I need to focus on school and not men. But I can't help but think about him all the time. He makes me want to be a better person. When I was with any other guy I always became self-destructive. But anyways thats besides the point we BOTH said that we can't be in a relationship right now. He's had long distance relationships before and they failed and so have I. And honestly we both haven't had really long relationships in the past to begin with. But anyways im what I'm trying to say is I want some advice on striking up a conversation with him every once and a while. I don't want him thinking I'm pressed on his nuts so thats why I dont talk to him as much. But theres a lot on my mind that I want to say to him. And really i just wanna get to know him a little better. Even if we are 3 hours away from each other.

[Ephemera]

Well... if you're asking for advice.

A long distance relationship?

F*ck that.

You're not even eighteen, and you just got out of a bad relationship. Like others have said, you need to be comfortable with yourself as a single person before even thinking about being with someone else. I used to have the problem that I felt weird if I wasn't in a relationship. This was because I could ignore all of my insecurities if I was in a relationship. By spending time alone you'll learn more about yourself... it'll be better for you in the long run.

Besides, no sex?? Why would you want that? Gather ye rosebuds while ye may... you know?

[goof'schik]

I've been in 3 long distance romances. Three hours is nothing, I still say nada til November. A friendly hi, maybe, lets him know you're still alive, but I wouldn't be having these long conversations. If in November you still want to know him then do it face to face. See his home, meet his parents, take long walks, and let him do the same. It's only 2 months away.

[Bipolar_Bitch]

Okay I see what you all are saying. Well, thats kind of what I'm doing already when you look at it. I'm focusing mainly on school and all that good stuff and I'm just being single. And right now I really like that. But what I'm saying is in the future I'd like to get to know him better and hopefully start a meaningful relationship. Thats all. I know it'll take a lotta work but I'm willing to do that. But yeah, I guess I should have all the long ass conversations over the internet, phone etc, it's not the same as having them in person. Honestly having conversations with him over the internet is just plain awkward. I want to see his face not his picture over the myspace. ya know?

[EvilEvilKitten]

Let him go. This is just an INFATUATION - not the "real thing".

Yes, it was fun, but when getting out of a bad relationship, you tend to seek emotional validation whereever you can find it to help boost your self-esteem. When doing this, you mentally adorn your rebound with all the virtues of mankind. "He/She is great!; so good to/for me!; etc." It all makes you feel good. Sound familar?

But - it isn't real.

So, relax and give both him and you all the freedom possible. Be friendly but make no promises. You have a lot of time before you so, there's no rush. Besides which, you should be building the life you want - so that later you can ask someone, who is the real deal, to share it with you.

[Bipolar_Bitch]

Originally Posted by EvilEvilKitten

Let him go. This is just an INFATUATION - not the "real thing".

Yes, it was fun, but when getting out of a bad relationship, you tend to seek emotional validation whereever you can find it to help boost your self-esteem. When doing this, you mentally adorn your rebound with all the virtues of mankind. "He/She is great!; so good to/for me!; etc." It all makes you feel good. Sound familar?

But - it isn't real.

So, relax and give both him and you all the freedom possible. Be friendly but make no promises. You have a lot of time before you so, there's no rush. Besides which, you should be building the life you want - so that later you can ask someone, who is the real deal, to share it with you.

I guess you make a good point but I believe he was put here in my life for a purpose. And to be honest, every single relationship I have been in I was NEVER treated with any type of decency at all. Infact when we met I was thinking in my head, "Why aren't you acting like a pig? Why aren't you trying to take advantage of me. sh*t like that. So i don't know you could be right. Only time will tell what will happen.