She is to Young

[sera300]

Okay...here it is Mr. St...you are normal kids as far as feelings, emotions, confusion, etc. The rest of the issues? Many are in similar situations, I do teach at College as an adjunct & you would be surprised of the talent and issues which surround many people! Regardless, be your age. Any IQ, Aps., or Dyslexia does not change the base of your emotions or physical needs/requirements. Your IQ can be one stage & where you are in life; however, no one can take the true age out of you, regardless of maturity levels.

You both have hormones, have emotions and developmentally will be within certain brackets for a teen.

[Mr. Saint]

Fair enough Sera, I would have to agree with you. I was also trying to point out that she is not the average 14 year old. She passes as 18 very easily as well as I do. Anyways, do you also think that I should stop hanging out with her all together?

[sera300]

Originally Posted by Mr. Saint

Fair enough Sera, I would have to agree with you. I was also trying to point out that she is not the average 14 year old. She passes as 18 very easily as well as I do. Anyways, do you also think that I should stop hanging out with her all together?

I look at most of the younger ladies these days, many of them can pass as 18 or 21, and are in fact 13/14/15! The body seems to develop faster these days than years ago. Add some make up and you have a 19 y/o in a 15 y/o's body.

However, what I do see mentally, meaning emotionally, they are at the young age development. I really feel this has been re-inforced not to "grow up" even more due to the drinking age changing. Society has said "you can be trusted to do everything at the age of 18 as an adult except for drinking". I also notice now, parents buy their kids cars. However, the learning capacity of day-to-day logic is not fully developed yet; the use of discretion is still being learned.

What young man would not have an impulse to go for a good looking girl? Especially when they have much in common and connect intellectually? The difference is right v. wrong. Just as Freud had his theory on Oedipus & Ophelia complex; in younger children you can see them attempting to get the attention from the opposite sex parent and an attempt to diminish the other parent's importance. Was Freud correct? To me? In ways. However, 14 is too young for 17. If she was 16 or you were 15 or just turned 16, different story. You are nearly 17 too close to 18.

You already know you will break her heart; yes, she will get over it but she is still too young. She is just discovering life & feelings...you have already experimented with sex.

This is predictable as it gets; on campus nearly everyone who is a Freshman has a "g/f or b/f". By Thanksgiving, or latest Christmas, they split [despite they have an undying love for the other]. I watch an A student become a C or a lady in class sit & cry. Why? her LTR broke up with her over the Holiday. It's life since they jumped too fast based upon feelings which are not genuine due to lack of experiences.

Emotionally she is very innocent; you have dated & had sex. When I was 14, I "dated" a guy who was 16; I recall him getting his driver's license and that was a big gap--could I even be allowed to go out with him 1-alone and 2-was he a good enough driver?

At 17; you are around her. Yes, any man in your situation [and age range] would feel the same. But to take up with her? No. Platonic and date the older 19 y/o. She will get over her crush as long as you are just nice to her and do not lead her on. Be straight up & tell her you only like her as a friend & nothing more...even if you have to tell her you are dating [or met] someone from another school for a while. Impulse control, emotional control/displacement & unwarranted/illogical attachment, are your obstacle's with someone her age. If you hang out with her; she will misread & you may wish to act upon feelings. The worse part is her misreading you care/love her when you show signs of interest/affection to her.

This reminds me in this instance of the song "It's Cruel To Be Kind"; the kindness of sparing the feelings only hurts that much worse. Both of you lack a commonality when it comes to life experiences with dating and emotions/feelings.

[Mr. Saint]

So as long as I make my intentions very clear to her, that we are just friends, then there is nothing wrong with hanging out with her. Make sure there is a clear line that this relationship is platonic then it would be alright to remain friends, right?

[sera300]

Originally Posted by Mr. Saint

So as long as I make my intentions very clear to her, that we are just friends, then there is nothing wrong with hanging out with her. Make sure there is a clear line that this relationship is platonic then it would be alright to remain friends, right?

Look at how she views you hanging out with her...it will be very different since she believes you may be interested or she is hoping you are. Be careful; think of her as you "Little sister" since you must be around each other. Learn to date women out of your immediate circle!

[EvilEvilKitten]

Perhaps I was too obscure?

But aren't being "dazed and confused" emotions?

Emotionally, she remains 14 years old. Being the older of the two - it is YOUR responsitilbity to make sure she is not harmed by her association with you by carefully keeping your 'emotional distance' from her. By dating other women in the open, you will indicate her status with you to her.

[Mr. Saint]

I am going to ask out the girl in my physics class some time next week. I don’t know if it is good or not, but this girl is in all the classes that I have in common as the 14 year old. As I said my university has a very small engineering department. Anyways I will make it clear that we are only friend in as kind of a fashion as possible, and maybe distance my self some emotionally. Thanks for your help all, I do appreciate it.

[pink_menace]

in my opinion...i think you're a nice kid and very gentleman...
you know your place and you are well educated....
so it's okay if you'll going to pursue on dating her...
and from your first post.... i can sense that you're very
at ease having her around you and vise versa....
just take your time and have fun....
it does feel so good about life if you have
special someone as inspiration....

[Mr. Saint]

Well the plot thickens, as they say, from my last post. I talked to the girl in my physics class, and well it’s complicated. Long story short, she is from Iran and has a “fiancé”. So if she can’t get permanent residency in the US she has to marry him. Anyways, I am now dating a girl in another class, she is 19, and it is going alright. We have not had sex yet but she is coming over this weekend for a “sleep over. Now my best friend, a man I have literally known all my life, says she is not right for me. He has never said this about any of my girlfriends. He says I should be with the 14 year old because, quote “she makes you happy, and ----- dose not”. I just don’t know what I want any more. I don’t have a question but I thought I would post it anyways.

[sera300]

Originally Posted by Mr. Saint

Well the plot thickens, as they say, from my last post. I talked to the girl in my physics class, and well it’s complicated. Long story short, she is from Iran and has a “fiancé”. So if she can’t get permanent residency in the US she has to marry him. Anyways, I am now dating a girl in another class, she is 19, and it is going alright. We have not had sex yet but she is coming over this weekend for a “sleep over. Now my best friend, a man I have literally known all my life, says she is not right for me. He has never said this about any of my girlfriends. He says I should be with the 14 year old because, quote “she makes you happy, and ----- dose not”. I just don’t know what I want any more. I don’t have a question but I thought I would post it anyways.

Uhmm, so why care what your friend said? You just began to see this one, go out and have fun, date & get to know her. Geez you are still 16 or so, still have college ahead, not as if you are going to get married or ready to. Date the world first, not just being influenced by some suggestion from a friend. It's not as is he is dating her.

I could see him talking to you if you dated her for three years & were getting married to her tomorrow & he had a concern. Go out with her if she is single & date many people.