She is to Young

[Mr. Saint]

I should stop being friends with her because we get along too well? It is true; I don’t want to mislead her. But we get along as friends so well and she dose not have many friends, not that I have a lot either. It would also be hard to ovoid her because we are in the same department and share two classes together and I sit next to her in both.

[goof'schik]

You should stop being friends with her because it seems that you still have an attraction to her and she is too young. You keep finding reasons to be around her. We're in the same department, and? As a responsible person you take steps to remove yourself from her. You don't take the same class, at the same time, as her. And you don't sit next to her. It just keeps coming back to that. You are attracted to her and you can't seperate yourself from her, which is what you need to do. I think in an earlier post you even said you monitored a class, just so you could be near this CHILD.
I was 14, just like her, and dated a guy who was 17, just like you. I gave him my virginity on his 18th bday, I had a VS1 1 carat diamond ring that I wore on a chain around my neck. It did fit, but on a chain I could hide it from my parents. We were suppose to get married the day after my high school graduation. I called it off 3 months before, on my 18th bday.
I've been in her shoes, I know what she feels, I know what she is thinking. I have been there and done it. He was faithful to me, never wanted another, was devastated, all tore up when I broke it off.
Forget anything and everything you and I have ever posted to each other, good and bad, I am only giving you the advice I wish someone had given him.

[Mr. Saint]

This is the same girl that I audited a class to see, but at the time I thought she was 18. I cant really take other classes unless I change majors, they only offer classes like advanced analytic geometry once every other semester and you need it for an ME degree. In a year I am moving to Boston for the rest of my schooling and she is staying in California for another year. If I never make a move on her and we just remain friends couldn’t that work? I mean at this point it is just speculation about how she feels; I could also just ask her about how she feels about me. It is not very common that I meet some one that I actually become friends with. I have a few corks that make social life a little difficult for me and she has much the same things. I would hate to lose her as a friend over this. Also I am not that physically attracted to her, I mean she is not ugly, but not my type. The only reason I got involved with her was for her mind. I don’t fantasies about her in a sexual way and I don’t mind having a platonic friendship with her. There has to be some way to make it work. Also Goof, I do very much respect your opinion and appreciate your advice.

[goof'schik]

I have read back thru many of your posts, this girl, the girl at the conventions, and I see a common denominator. You think she's good looking, you find that you have many things in common, then there is an excuse not to date her. Now I get the 14 year old, she's to young and you need to remove yourself from her life so you can get on with your own. Not willing to put in time because of a 5 hour distance, maybe that's why she blocked you or took you off her friends list. She may of just felt dished if your chatting and then all of a sudden say bye and leave, without any further explaination.
I have also read that your parents, although in a commited long term relationship, have never married. I have to wonder if this makes you insecure. Mom has her insurance, dad has his. Basically it wouldn't take much for one or the either to leave.
I was in a 7 year relationship, engaged but I never married him, and well when I had truly had enough he had to go. He lived in my home, i paid the household bills, i miss his daughter still. And this was 15 years ago we broke up. He drank, didn't work regularly and well took advantage of me, his parents, his grandma and everyone else he could. I have to wonder who flew his daughter up for Christmas and the summers following our break-up? I was the one that had for the 5 years prior, after she moved out of state with her mother. As unwed parents he had the right to pay child support and she had the right to live wherever she wanted. His ex had met someone new and well moved to where he lived, and who could blame her.
And again Mr. Saint, the word dose is usually a medical term. You take what medications? And what dose do you take? The word you use as dose is correctly spelled does, Does she really think he's a goof?

[goof'schik]

Well that sounds a little harsh and mish mashed. Yes I do have a degree in psychology and well I probably don't know you as well as I should to of said much of the above. Just from reading your many posts it sounds like you hold, maybe to tight, the friendships you are in and don't see how they may be destructive even to yourself.
So you're going to Boston, does that mean you got accepted to MIT? My older brother went to MTU, another great technological university. And well he was always a little different himself, the mechanical mind at work. Although my dad, who made investment castings the old fashioned way, wasn't like that. They were definately different in many ways, left brain vs right brain maybe.
I know that giving up a friendship is hard, but sometimes it is the best thing you can do for yourself and the other person.
You don't have to do it cold turkey, just slowly pull yourself away. Next semester no mutual classes and this semester no contact out of class unless it is class related, we don't want to give this girl a complex. And you, you need to decide what it is you actually want, which at 17, is near impossible. Remember you are 17, in high school or in college, in California or in Massachusetts.

[Mr. Saint]

First, I have no insecurity about my parents’ relationship. They have been together for almost 30 years. As for the girl that lives five hours away, the reason she stopped talking to me is because her best friend (male) is a narcissistic, possessive, jealous asshole that told her not to talk to me. Also I am still 16 I don’t turn 17 for a few months. You also have to keep in mind that neither of us are normal kids. It’s not like I am cursing the local high school looking for freshmen. Anyways, I do appreciate your opinion Goof’schik, but before ruining one of my three good friendships I would like a second opinion.

[goof'schik]

Statutory rape only applies if one of the people is over the age of consent. If both parties are under age then there is no crime committed. In addition, I don’t want to sleep with her. As the title suggest, I think she is too young. We just get along really well. I have only been hanging out with her for a few months and we are already very close. The thing is if she was just a couple years older she would make a perfect girl friend. The other thing that I am concerned about is there is this girl that I want to date in a class I share with my friend (she is 19). There are only 12 people in the class, so if anything happens she will find out, if I don’t tell her. I am worried about hurting her, but I also want to get laid.

I am very well read when it comes to California’s statutory rape laws. Since we are both under 18 and less then three years apart, there is nothing illegal as long as we don’t leave the state. As for me dating a 19 year old, yes it is technically illegal, but past persistent shows that it is never prosecuted when the women is the older one unless there is a real significant age difference.

Since we have desisted to lecture me let me argue back. First, in order for the girl I would be sleeping with to go to jail my parents would have to file charges, which they never would because they are alright with me sleeping with older women and in my area you could never put together a jury to convict a 19 year old girl. Second, there is nothing I am doing that is illegal. Third, if you are talking about my friends, who I have no intention of sleeping with, father. He is a dead beat father that ran out on them years ago. As for my academics, I spend my time doing research, I have over a 4.0 GPA and have a reserved spot at UCB and it is very likely that I will get in to MIT. So don’t lecture me about homework. Also one of the reasons I like sex so much is because it releases a huge amount of stress and helps me work.

I think everyone on this forum hates me. I just got bad rep with no explanation for the 3rd time in a row. Anyways let me say it again, I HAVE NO INTENTION OF SLEEPING WITH THE 14 GIRL. I always talked about what kind of older guy would be attracted to a young girl. I always assumed it had to do with manipulation. Hell I am not even attracted to girls my own age because they are so incredibly shallow (not that I’m not). Now I meet this absolutely brilliant girl, that I admit, I developed a crush on and she turns out to be fourteen. We just ended up having a lot in common because we went through a lot of the same things being in university at such a young age. Anyways as I said, I did not really need advice just wanted to talk about it and hear what people thought.

So far I have kept our relationship platonic. The thing I think is creeping me out is I have all the emotional attraction to her I have had in the past for this one girlfriend I really liked. But in the case of my ex-girlfriend, I was allowed to have the physical attraction to her as well. Now with this young girl I can’t have those same feelings or at least can’t act on them. I don’t know if that makes sense or not.

This is the same girl that I audited a class to see, but at the time I thought she was 18. I cant really take other classes unless I change majors, they only offer classes like advanced analytic geometry once every other semester and you need it for an ME degree. In a year I am moving to Boston for the rest of my schooling and she is staying in California for another year. If I never make a move on her and we just remain friends couldn’t that work? I mean at this point it is just speculation about how she feels; I could also just ask her about how she feels about me. It is not very common that I meet some one that I actually become friends with. I have a few corks that make social life a little difficult for me and she has much the same things. I would hate to lose her as a friend over this. Also I am not that physically attracted to her, I mean she is not ugly, but not my type. The only reason I got involved with her was for her mind. I don’t fantasies about her in a sexual way and I don’t mind having a platonic friendship with her. There has to be some way to make it work.

First, I have no insecurity about my parents’ relationship. They have been together for almost 30 years. As for the girl that lives five hours away, the reason she stopped talking to me is because her best friend (male) is a narcissistic, possessive, jealous asshole that told her not to talk to me. Also I am still 16 I don’t turn 17 for a few months. You also have to keep in mind that neither of us are normal kids. It’s not like I am cursing the local high school looking for freshmen. Anyways, I do appreciate your opinion Goof’schik, but before ruining one of my three good friendships I would like a second opinion.

Saint, these are your posts. I'd like to know as a person NOT going for a law degree why are you so well read on the statutory rape laws of your state, other than your parents don't have to file suit for charges to be brought. You want advice then you don't you just want to hear what others think, and well if it's not to your liking it falls on deaf ears. So it was the 19 year olds friend that told her to back away. Maybe because you are only 16, and he was looking out for his "best friend". And as for this 14 year old, you talk her up, you talk her down no wonder why there is so much confusion. And cursing at the local high school may end up getting you either arrested or at least taken home to mom or dad, I think the word you are looking for is cruising. And persistent is what you are, and me too, not a legal term. Need I mention again dose vs does? You need to watch that spelling or your GPA is going down the toilet. I'm done with this thread.

[EvilEvilKitten]

And another thing - stop this "we're not normal kids" thing. Yeah. You are normal kids. CONFUSED. UNCERTAIN. INEXPERIENCED. Which is just like any other teenager. Those qualities are also precisely why you do hang onto these few friends and don't actively seek out more.

That's where we, people who have been there and done that, come in.

Those you meet in high school you will most likely never see again in your life. There's a great big world out there and you have, as yet, no idea how much you are going to change once you get out into it. Everything will be new.

What you need to do is not to 'lose' your friends but EXPAND your social network. Learning how to do this now will be a huge benefit to you later on when you're seriously hunting for jobs, for friends, for lovers, and for your lifemate. Forget how the kids in your school have labeled you and just get out there and TALK to people about things that interest them.

[Mr. Saint]

Goof’schik, I do appreciate the advice you gave me, and I understand what you are saying. But this is a big deal for me and I would like more then one person’s opinion before doing anything. However I don’t appreciate the criticism of my spelling. Yea, I suck at spelling, but I think taking college calculus at 12 more than makes up for it. As for me knowing California’s statutory rape law, a good friend of the family use to be a senior partner at a major law firm in San Francisco and I asked him about it.

[Mr. Saint]

It is true I have trouble making friends, which is why I am hanging on to her; the main reason for this though is I am a Jr. in university and so all the people around me are over twenty. She is also in the same situation except she is even younger (also a Jr. in University). Also when I said I had some social corks, they aren’t really mild, I am severely dyslexic, obsessive compulsive and have Asperger Syndrome I also have an IQ of over 150. So I have to respectfully disagree, we are not “normal” high school kids. You are forced to grow up much quicker when you are in college at such a young age. But anyways, thank you for all your advice; it has given me a lot to think about. Also, sorry if I come off as a stuck up asshole I don’t mean to.