how long is too long???

[sera300]

Originally Posted by constantlylearning

Maybe a touch. Actually skipped lunch today too much golfing you know. LOL
Weather-------------PRICELESS

Well, not really, even a touch. Skipped lunch? Ohhhh not good for you! Too much golfing? I take you as a more "action" sportsman. Yes, nice weather is Priceless!

[constantlylearning]

Yes, other pursuits are enjoyed as well. You have to be well rounded you know.
Skipping lunch is becoming more and more common........

[lnt1103]

Originally Posted by constantlylearning

I thought that the thread needed a little change of pace and tone...........
Yes, I did take the liberty.

I apologize. Momentary lack of composure.

[constantlylearning]

Int be sorry for nothing......you have a wonderful outlook and your
posts are enjoyable to read.

[lnt1103]

Thanks CL but let me be the first to admit I got a little over the top there.

[constantlylearning]

As they say, no worries.........have you calmed a bit?

[lnt1103]

Yeah...I guess I'm just quite strong-willed in the 'to each their own' department, and wasn't wild about being accused of selfishness when those who know me face to face will tell you nothing's farther from the truth. Hell, my BF is trying to TEACH me to be selfish now and again LOL

[EvilEvilKitten]

Fun in the sun is quite correct.

Posters to the forums receive plenty of pets and hugs from others and that is not my job. My job is to get you off the sofa, to challenge your beliefs, and to get you to see the other side of whatever issue is being discussed. Some times this calls for the proverbial kick in the pants. That's my job. If all you want is the hugs and pets and "oh you poor little dear I am so totally all with you on this." fine, but you might never learn anything from that. People get stuck in ideas just as they get stuck in habits.

Sure I can tell you how to live your life. Anyone can. Whether you choose to get upset or to accept, or to consider the point, or to lash out - all that is up to you. And usually how you react tells me more about you than you might like me to know. Much of the advice given on here is like fishing - bait to find out more about you by how you react.

You have crawled out of personal hells, and have set up iron bound rules to prevent further pain. You find it difficult to trust and therefore greet his request for a break with suspicion. So you asked us. You have gotten patted and petted and kicked.

So, now tell us what you are going to do and what is the outcome of your decision.

[EvilEvilKitten]

TnL - did you read funinthesun's response? "All or nothing" may suit you and I wish you luck with that. But I have not found it to be an effective pattern of behavior. Just as people need "time off from work" so to they might need time off from a relationship. Time off means just that: time off. They need time to consider whether they're quite ready to give you that ALL that you want.

I shall give you an example. Before I collar a male partner, I tell him my rules and then give him all the time in the world to ask for that collar. His acceptance, or non-acceptance, is entirely up to him. As odd as it may seem to you, a dom/dminatrix does NOT hold the power in this kind of relationship. You cannot demand immediate trust, you can only earn it. The dom/dominatrix merely INVITES their partner(s) to reveal and to give of themselves.

I have found inviting to be more effective than demanding even in loving relationships. My husband and I INVITE each other all of the time. "Honey come help me in the garage" for example. So there I am, reading the manual while he rebuilds an engine. Something that makes no sense to me but, hey! it's his thing. So rather than doing what I was planning to do right then, I go and read the manual. I accept his invitation. Just as he does when my truck breaks down in the parking lot an hour from home. I'll tell you that story some other time however.

But do you see my point?

[lnt1103]

I'm not trying to avoid any further pain. Having survived my pain has made me the very person that I am, which I embrace and celebrate every single day, and as such I value each and every one of those experiences. My pain has afforded me opportunities to find my own inner strength, and to discover myself, my abilities, and my beliefs. None of those times had anything to do with anyone breaking my trust, unless you count any given definition of a 'Higher Power' as someone who breaks trusts. Which I happen not to. But I'd say this subject has worn out its welcome.

At any rate, it was not I but rather another poster who originally asked for advice on break-taking, if you remember. I was merely offering my own opinion on it, and the response I got was emphatic enough to lead one to believe I was acting in a way that risked someone's life or limb. My bf and I have discussed these issues at length, he knows I post here and we discuss some of the threads together. When he thinks I'm incorrect about anything we have ever discussed, here or not, which he does from time to time, he has no problem telling me so, and I have no problem taking it. I don't pull hair or gnash teeth when he tells me something I might rather not hear.