What Women Want (No not a movie thread)

[Ducy]

Okay, so what is it that women want. Honestly? I mean I am tired of all these women breaking my heart, treating me like dirt and just confusing the hell out of me. I mean Not only did I have a girl lie to me for over 18 months before finally telling me that she never really loved me.

And I find it really making myself bitter towards dating and just life.

I mean I need some advice here. Where do I go to meet women I mean so far meeting girls through school and such isnt working out too well. So far its been pretty bad.

[lnt1103]

Sounds like this break-up with 18 Month Girl is pretty fresh, no? I know it hurts.

Take some time. Be a bachelor and enjoy it. Get used to yourself in your own uncommitted skin. Then and only then will it be productive to add someone to the mix.

Someone in another thread asked for 'concrete answers'-not just an 'it depends'. One of the replies he got was 'it depends because it does'. Which is spot on. Women....PEOPLE for that matter...are as different as snowflakes-no two are exactly the same. I could tell you what I want, but that won't answer that question as far as the women YOU encounter. The key is that you have to be AUTHENTICALLY YOU, and she has to be AUTHENTICALLY HER, and the two of you have to love each other for precisely that.

[Brandye]

It has been said that men tolerate intimacy for sex; women tolerate sex for intimacy. Perhaps overstated (I make booty calls) but insightful. Striking that delicate balance including both is the key to a successful longer term relationship. Men: slow down a bit. Women: speed up a bit.

I hate it when I get the feeling that he is working (by checklist) toward that goal between my legs and I wish to linger a bit. Woman love is much more focused on the process than on the goal. Orgasm is often irrelevant but simply a happy surprise.

Remember that younger women are still learning to "use" their sexuality and often go through a stage in which they seem very manipulative. Most of us learn and men benefit from this, too.

You only meet the women available to you, such as in school. Cast a broader net to find women with similar interests and desires to yours.

[Ducy]

Great advice guys. Thanks. And to Int the breakup was a while back, very complicated and confusing but it wasnt until recently that I was informed she never really loved me and that she said it too early so yea it was like reopening a wound I guess

[dancingdoc2]

> You only meet the women available to you, such as in school. Cast a broader net to find women with similar interests and desires to yours.

Ducy, what are your interests? Hobbies?
What would you like to do or learn given the opportunity?

In addition to just running into a potential person to date at class, gym, or wherever, the two next best pursuits are:

1. Inform family and friends that you want to date and ask them to help you find a person. This is called "Networking". The more people you have looking on your behalf the greater your chances of finding a person.

2. Join special interest groups that pertain to hobbies and sporting activities that you enjoy. Ask these people to search for you, also, if you do not find someone in the club or organization.

Place small yet creative ad in the school paper. (Remember that one I posted several months ago in the Entertainment forum that turned out to be a dog? How many people called the shelter???) Go back and read it and write something catchy like that.

Be seen and do your own networking. Go to a dance and chat with others. You may make one or more friends who you can later ask to join the network, if you do not find someone there to date.

Lastly, you know my position on dating and how to, so follow those guidelines.

As for the reasons for the breakup, please consider what Brandye said: girls are still exploring their "alities" and "isms" and continuing to mature emotionally and socially. Expect that they will not be particularly "polished" without acquiring some skills as a result of their interactions with others. The same goes for guys, so a certain amount of tolerance is worth having during the next few years.

[funinthesun]

Those are pretty good responses by the regulars here.

Int already covered what I said to the other younger guy. The same thing applies here.

As you and the people you date become older and wiser, things become simpler as long as you're true to yourself and don't lie to yourself to make life seem more compatible with your desires. Life doesn't really get easier, but it sure does get simpler as long as your honest with yourself because the choices make more sense and you become comfortable with the sacrifices they entail.

You are just entering college, where most people are still trying to figure out how to act on their own. Most don't really grow up until they're truly on their own after college without the security blanket of being broke yet still eating well with college loans and housing.

I've seen that you've mentioned pursuing a degree in kinesiology, and from that I'm assuming that you spend a lot of time working in or around gyms. You should have quite the variety of people around you on a daily basis, so try to expose yourself to as many as possible. The other avenues available depend entirely upon your respective school and community, but whatever they may be, it can always be interesting and educational to make random journeys to eclectic areas just to see new things. Sometimes you learn new things that can help you with your life, other times you simply end up appreciating what you have more; either is good and better than sitting around bored.

[funinthesun]

I just noticed that your loc is OC. Your options are near limitless with the extreme variety of cultures and activities available in the region. Especially in the summers(4 weeks left in the 2nd sm quarter now) people from all over the world do exchange programs at schools like USC, UCSD, USC, UCLA, USD, etc..
They're mostly your age, and are usually only taking english or cultural programs while looking to experience life and new adventures. What better group to get to know at this point in your life for a few weeks?

[Gorgeous Mistake]

Well I know you pretty much have your answers, but I still wanna put in my 2 cents.

So here it goes...

As said before, women are very different from eachother but they are also very much the same. (I know this because I pay so much attention to my friends, and I have a habit of leaving my body and watching myself from afar, I know weird.)

The typical wants, and reasons for you getting screwed over in my point of view

Don't make yourself at all vulnerable to a chick. Make sure she KNOWS that YOU know this isn't going to last forever nor expect it to. If you give a girl the impression that you are hopelessly devoted (Just watched Grease, ha) to her and her departure will torture you endlessly then she will try to hold off the break off for as long as she can endure or until she meets another guy that makes it seem like breaking your heart is worth it. Women do have a nurturing instinct and will nurture for the sake of not feeling guilty about leaving her significant other or making a mistake by leaving someone who cares for her, so she will and can fake everything.

Don't let her treat you like dirt. If you feel like this, you tell her and let her know you will not put up with it. That is something that is completely avoidable if you step up.

Girls (not fully matured women) are confusing period. Sometimes we think we want something, next day we'll change our minds. If she's ever confused then you'll be confused. If it gets to a point where the relationship is going nowhere because of the confusion, you either break it off completely or give it a break till she grows up and makes up her mind. During the break you give her time, but don't put your life on hold.

[EvilEvilKitten]

I do not know what women as a group want, no one does, but each woman knows (or should know) what she wants. ASK!

Now then - the ONLY thing that counts is CHARACTER. So before you go and invest your heart into your next relationship - stop, look, watch, and think - do her words match her actions? By her actions you will know her.

And do please stop being exclusive and getting into relationships - just date, dammit!

[lnt1103]

See personally I have to disagree, but that's just for me. I think that dating style is also dependent upon personal preference. I'm not the type to casually date multiple guys in a week. I'm more of a 'serial monogamist' I guess you'd call it. And that works for me. And I definitely could not have more than one intimate partner at a time. Again, that's not to criticize those who choose to do it that way, I'm just saying that's how I've chosen to go about it.