not enough sex and i dont know what to do

[Senpai]

At first the sex was good and frequent and he showed me affection even if other people where around. That was for maybe like the first three months. Now we have been dating for around 8 months and I'm not sure what to do.
I am sort of a 'I need touch' person and he seemed to be at first but then all of his interest waned off and he told me he wasn't comfortable do things like kissing and the such in public. Even if front of close friends (not serious making out but more then a peck on the cheek)
Also we only have sex like once a week for 20 minutes and there is no foreplay no nothing. And it's usually only after I mention that 'Hey, I need sex!'
It is driving me up the wall. I have talked to him about it before, I hate to keep mentioning it but nothing seems to get resolved. He tole me he had a lot of sex once in a relationship and that turned him off to sex. That there were other things he would prefer to do in his spare time.
I think maybe his attraction to me has waned off but I'm not sure how to mention this to him without sounding pathetic, any ideas?
I'm at my wits end about this. I really care for him but I can't continue with so little contact both sexual and just regular cuddling.
He's 21 and I'm 24. We're both in our prime. He says he is depressed and stressed a lot so I think that might be affecting his sex drive too.
*How do I mention to him I need more sex or I think our relationship needs to be over?*

[lnt1103]

VERY CAREFULLY. Last guy that told me 'I need to get laid', and the 'or else' was inferred, got attention paid to that part of his body alright, but not the kind he was looking for.

It strikes me that there's got to be more to his aversion than simply the amount of sex he had in his last relationship. If his last relationship caused this, it seems to me that SOME traumatic event actually had to have occurred. If that is indeed the case, he needs to open up about it and deal with it.

[Senpai]

How to I go about mentioning this. I think there was a traumatic event but its very hard for him to open up. I don't want to be like "...Or I'll leave you." But this is staining our relationship. I just want him to understand I am trying to have a serious conversation and I really do want to understand whats going on.

[Ducy]

Just say look, I need you to be completely honest to me. Why is it that we dont have sex as much. I love having sex with you but it seems like for the past (x months) we have not been doing it as often. Whether it be something about me, or something about you, I want to know what it is that is driving you away from me physically.

Depending on his answer depends on your reaction. But unless it is something traumatic, I would say just find someone whose in touch with your needs...and wants to touch those needs

Breaking up because of sex, no matter how terrible it may seem, is sometimes necessary. I mean if it was a case of the guy (or girl) wanting it maybe once or twice more a week, it can be negotiated. I mean womens drives increase as they get older, and the more comfortable a woman is with sex and her partner, the more she generally will want it (it could be as little as one more time a month, or in some cases a lot more) And yes I have seen this happen, mainly through female friends asking me why they suddenly are so much hornier (Yes women seem to find it easier to open up to me than with other guys haha)

But if it is a matter of one wanting sex at least everyday and the other wanting it maybe once a week, then more than likely the relationship will hit a very serious obstacle.

Lack of attention to either partners need (physically, emotionally or sexually) is not a very fair thing. A healthy relationship is about two people being able to compromise and still be fullfilled.

Sounds to me like you arent that happy. I mean no foreplay, sex once a week and you basically have to say "Babe, fuck me now!" doesnt sounds like a very compromising or fullfilling relationship.

[Senpai]

Thanks for the advice. I am going to see him tonight and try and explain this all to him. I am so nervous but I am going to try my best.

[dancingdoc2]

Why be nervous? Stand up and take charge of your life and your needs and desires. If this lad is not up to the task there are plenty who are and this is why people date--to sample what humanity has to offer in order to find Mr. Right.

The guy told you he would much rather do something else with his time than romance you. If sex has little or no romance and lasts all of twenty minutes, he is not a good lover. If he showed an interest then I would recommend he read the many how-to articles listed in the Index, although, this does not seem appropriate in this situation.

You can probably talk to him until you are blue in the face and get nowhere. Why? Because he is just not that into you. The reason he was attentive and you had lots of sex in the beginning is because he was trying to woo and snare you. He succeeded and now he considers the conquest won with no further effort needed on his part. This is a frequent male pattern behavior, sad to say.

He figures he won you over and you'll be there for when he has need for companionship or whatever. Please recognize this type of man for what he is and to not be a doormat for him. Begin dating again and do so over and over again until Mr. Right shows up. Please understand that dating does not begin and end with the first warm body who shows an interest in us. Read again what dating is all about and go for it over and over again until it pays off handsomely.

[EvilEvilKitten]

Sweetheart - not only are YOU NOT in your prime - you're a LONG way away from it! Women hit their sexual peak from 40 to 60 years of age - so, if you're dealing with this NOW what is your life going to be like then if you stick with this guy???

Seriously - you need to stop investing in him - this was NOT love, if it were his interest would be INCREASING not dying off - this was merely an infatuation. Let him go!!

[bkwrmz7]

The suggestion of saying "Just say look, I need you to be completely honest to me. Why is it that we dont have sex as much. I love having sex with you but it seems like for the past (x months) we have not been doing it as often. Whether it be something about me, or something about you, I want to know what it is that is driving you away from me physically."
is great & I plan on using it, however, I am about 98% sure he's going to say the same thing he says everytime I bring this up, he's just tired. He won't see a dr. He says he's just exhausted. It pisses me off, becuz he continually gets the new penthouse letters & still masturbates, how often I don't know, but we haven't had sex in over 3 months and I'm dying!!
We've been together almost 8 years, and this is pretty much our only problem. There's got to be a way around it. But he's stubborn. What can I do? I miss being with him physically so much!

[EvilEvilKitten]

"Well, if you're tired, would you mind terribly if I got my sexual desires fulfilled elsewhere?"

Face up, girl - this man is using your desire for him as a weapon against you. He is controlling you by withholding sex while he still gets 'his' through masturbation. Either masturbate yourself and be happy or get out of this. Because any man who'd prefer masturbation over actual sexual congress with a woman who loves him is STUPID if nothing worse.