problems with my gf

[EvilEvilKitten]

Seems this isn't a relationship at all any more.

[neeta]

all relashonships have problems and if you give up on it with out trying to salve them then what will you do in the next one try talking to her maby you don't have to leave

[EvilEvilKitten]

If neither party trusts the other - there is no "working it out" possible. Why? Because you cannot trust anything they say. They say they'll do this and yet you have to watch them like a hawk making sure and they get tired of it and - you see how it is. The mistrust feeds upon itself and what you fear comes to pass anyway.

So better to cut your lossesnow and learn from it rather than drag it all out into a downward spiral of "he said/she said".
You do have to know when say "Enough!"

[marie26]

People who are always accusing you of doing something most of the time are doing it them selves. I would tell her that this needs to stop because you not going to stand for it any more. give her an ultimatum tell her it either stops or your out the door. If she decides to leave then god riddance you don't need that bull shyt no one does. I started doing that to my b.f not accusing him but getting an attitude and he told me look that needs to stop because if it doesn't im gone. and i don't want to loose him so im trying my best. i also told him if i start giving you any type of attitude or start flipping out on you just grab me and hold me. For me that works because i started feeling like i wasn't getting the attention i needed from him. We spoke about him and i let him know thats what i wanted. Maybe its hard for her to get the words out that she needs to let out. If all else fails then end it. I know its easier said then done but me i'd rather be alone and miserable then with someone and miserable.

[lnt1103]

EEK's right. It comes down to the fact that they don't trust each other. And after spending 4 years in a relationship, if two people don't trust each other, there's nothing more to be said or done. If you haven't earned each other's trust by now, there's a deeper reason why that's going to have to be found and dealt with before ANY relationship will work.

[neeta]

i thought that it had only been one year that him and his gf were together

[EvilEvilKitten]

They've known eachother for longer but have only been GF/BF for about a year. Still, enough time has passed. Time to end it.

[lnt1103]

Agreed. If anything, the trust should be solidly in place BEFORE the romantic relationship starts. Not the other way around.

I'm not one to back out of a truly, solidly good relationship at the drop of a hat. Having said that however, if a mate is being abusive, inattentive or neglectful beyond the point where communication is helpful and corrective, one owes it to oneself to move on and find the quality they deserve. Bottom line is, people aren't changeable unless they WANT to change. If someone is blatantly showing zero desire to change, or moreover a specific desire NOT to change, there's nothing to do but go.

[constantlylearning]

EEK, you cut right to the heart of the situation.........you have a special insight.

[EvilEvilKitten]

I operate differently than does Int. I do not love, or form an emotional attachment before enjoying a sexual relationship. But even so, I do have to trust him - just a little bit. If I cannot, then it is "game over" and goodbye.