Just need some advice and reassurance about getting over my Ex

[creamybeaver]

First of all i still have feelings for her. I dont click my fingers and get over people just like that. She's just started going out with a guy who lives a fair way away and he's moving further away to go college at the end of the summer holidays. They started dating yesterday and they had sex and so on. Thing is i get a knot in my stomach everytime i think of her and him. I reacted badly when i found out but i have my reasons. For the last few days she's been saying she doesn't want to be with anyone and that she wasn't going to be doing anything with anyone. She even told me she loved me the other nite. Basically she's gone against everything she said and done the exact opposite which has pissed me off.

I probably just need to get laid and have my fun instead of dwelling on this. I dont know that many girls and i am not the sort of person to go out round town's and into clubs every weekend so going "on the pull" is off my radar.

I just need some reassurance and advice

Thanks

[goof'schik]

Why do you want someone who went on a first date with someone and had sex with them? If they are far away someone made an effort to see the other, and further away may not change that.
Say to yourself, we're done, and I have to move on. Start looking for someone new.

[Suki2007]

I am sorry about what you are going through. Unfortunately, it sounds like your ex is not being completely honest with you. My younger sister has said the very same thing to her exes about "not wanting to be in a relationship" or whatever, yet hopping right into another one the next day. I don't think my sister is mature enough to just be honest with her partners and, IMO is not mature enough to have a real relationship.

It is totally natural to still have feelings for your ex, but the best advice I can give you is to avoid her at all costs. Because you still care about her, she can still hurt you and that is the last thing that you need right now. Especially if she is saying the stuff that she is saying to you, it's no wonder you are having a hard time with it; talk about being confusing!

When you get the urge to talk to her, answer her calls, listen to her voice mails, read texts, etc, etc, just remember that NO ONE deserves to be treated that way and if she REALLY loved you, she wouldn't be treating you like that. It is best to just ignore her and not feed your connection to her in any way. The more connected you are to her, the more you will be hurt. Be strong! There are many of us who have been through it, so you are not alone.

One question, is this the same girl that you broke up/got back together a bunch of times? I am a firm believer in if it doesn't work the first time, it probably never will. What I am saying is, if it is the same girl, you two seem to have had a lot of difficulties in your relationship and it would be healthiest for you to start new - by taking all those issues out of your life. Take some time to heal and know yourself again, then, when you are ready to pursue another relationship you WILL be ready.

[creamybeaver]

Cheers. Yeh she is the same girl i broke up with and got back together with a bunch of times.

Thing is i really do love her and i cant just avoid her......its hard.

She's one of them girls who thinks she's older than what she really is and i suppose she's too immature at the minute for serious relationships bcos she's always fluttering around and likes to be centre of attention. She compares how many people she's slept with with her friends (11).

I should be smart enough to look at her and think "oh my god", but im just blinded by love. She's my first proper love and i never really had any girlfriends before her.

Luckily i go on holiday on friday, so i'll be getting away from it all.

I just have no confidence and low self esteem.

[goof'schik]

Moving on from one's first love is hard. And as difficult as this is are you her's? Being in a race to be with more guys than your friends well it's just backwards. I was always proud, well I never discussed the sex I had, that I had fewer. Even though I know the guy was not my soul mate I don't have any regrets of only being with him, nor do I have regrets of breaking up with him. We lived in different states so I didn't see him everyday, I did have to tell myself not to call or write him. Actually I did write him a few times, then I torn the paper up and thru it in a bon fire. This was back before computers and cell phones.
You are special, and I'm sure there are lots of great qualities about you that when a girl tells you something she will stick to her word. It took me a few years to move on but I did and so will you. Having moved on, well ok a few times (a lady never tells) I don't always look at goof and see a 60 year old, bald man I see a young, vibrant man with lots of hair on that head. I do love that smile. My friends that know him can't see what I see in him, but I don't always see what they see in their guys either.
If you don't see yourself as someone that should be loved, then we girls won't see you that way either. You are the one that is too good for her, not the other way around. Treasure your memories and enjoy the new ones you're going to make.

[Ephemera]

I'm going through the same thing right now.

If you really do love her, you'll just let her go. That is what I realized. If you really do care about her, then you'll feel sad, but you'll know you're doing the right thing.

That's about all you can do.

[JustAGirl]

They do say "you never forget your first" and I find it's applicable both to trading in the V card and to losing your first love.

Yes, you love her. Yes, it hurts. Analyze it, if you can. What about it hurts? Is it that she left you, is it that she's with someone else, is it that now you feel alone? If you can determine the rationale behind the feeling, it makes the emotion easier to deal with.

Unfortunately, "getting over it" is far easier said than done. No matter how much you want to, cut off contact with her. Give yourself three months. No phone calls, no e-mails, no texts or IMs. Surround yourself with friends so you won't be inclined to mope about how your life was better off with her. Don't reread your love letters. Rip up the pictures. (It's therapeutic.) In terms of getting over it, when you think of her, remind yourself not of the good times but of the reasons the relationship didn't work out. You may feel that you're betraying the good memories, but the more you focus on them, the more you'll be inclined to revive a relationship that sounds like it ended for a good reason. Right now, you need to remind yourself why the relationship ended so that you can dull the pain.

Good luck, and hang in there.

[EvilEvilKitten]

Stop it. You grieve and then you move on. How? By LIVING your life - right here and right now. There are reasons why she dumped you and ran off with him - face them. Accept them. Yes, you have your feelings but can you really see yourself maundering on after this woman for the rest of your life 20, 30, 40 years?? How boring is that?

Get on with your life!

[constantlylearning]

Like JustA said Good Luck and Do Hang in there. Loss of any sort (break-up, or
whatever) is hard especially if there were deep rooted feelings. Saying Goodbye
is just hard to say and it's hard to run and hide from yourself. It may not seem like
it but things will get better with the passing of a little TIME. What you don't know
or realize now is that, more than likely, there will be someone else out there for you.
Sometimes the more we (people in general) LOVE the more we are afraid that LOVE
won't last. Take Care.

[sera300]

Originally Posted by creamybeaver

She's my first proper love and i never really had any girlfriends before her.

Luckily i go on holiday on friday, so i'll be getting away from it all.

I just have no confidence and low self esteem.

A Vacation/Holiday is most therapeutic since you are out of your element and you meet more people which expands your horizons/scope.

First love with no past relationships; you need to go out and experience all life has to offer since the lack of relationships is hindering your judgement. Find what you like/dislike in another. Put differently you need to sample life. Cut contact with her & leave it polite but not friendly.

Confidence & self-esteem derive from the inner-self not from another person. Work on being confident...flirt and chat with ladies while on Holiday! Works miracles.