Concerned about immaturity

[liquidfate]

My aunt came into town last night and told me about how her son drove 5 hrs home from college every weekend for a year only to have her dump him when summer came... Now im nervous. It has been hard for me to admit that I am an insecure guy... however I'm not dumb.

I've been dating this girl for over a year now and I tell her I love her because I think I do. When I'm with her I forget about any problems I may be having, I don't try to put on a good face to impress her or anything like that, I honestly love spending time with her.

But how does one know if this is something real and worth a shot, or just immature dating which some people need to have to learn a lesson about life and relationships? I can't help but feel weird when I tell her I love her, not because I doubt my feelings for her, but I doubt that many 21 year olds can really know what love is. Especially in the first serious relationship they've had.

I didn't go looking for a long-term thing. It just kinda happened. I have no desire to change anything about our status. But I don't want to learn that lesson that I sense coming (there are many fish in the sea, don't put all your eggs in one basket, im f*king nieve). Trust me, I was the first to shake my head at friends who had gf's in college. It just never seems to work out. But now Im a year deep and I don't want it to end but I keep telling myself that it will because I don't want to get hurt. I suck at dealing with that..

Considering we were both raised very religiously, we both like to party, neither of us have showed signed of getting tired or bored with each other, and we're both virgins.. can I get some advice?

Thanks

[JustAGirl]

Maybe it will end, and maybe it won't. Right now, rather than worrying about what may happen down the road, enjoy the moment. Right now, you love her, and you have no reason to doubt her feelings. What works for one couple may not work for another. Live one day at a time--if your head's too far in the future you forget to think about the present.

[EvilEvilKitten]

You might want to trust the girl ya know.

[liquidfate]

Yeah I have real issues with that. She doesn't really give me any signs that she would be dishonest with me... Shes pretty religious and open about things and we're both very happy with each other. But I always worry when I'm away because she's so attractive. Like, I get sick to my stomach worried. I think because I'm so afraid of being made a fool.

[Cherry Cheesecake]

You're insecurities are your problem, if she's done nothing to earn mistrust, you shouldn't have a hard time overcoming them. If it still bothers you, you might want to consider ending it, because the paranoia will only drive you crazy while you are away.

[JustAGirl]

She's attractive, yet to the best of your knowledge faithful to you, and you worry about her being unfaithful because of her looks?

Her looks will mean that she gets attention from other men. It is her choice whether or not to return said attention. If she doesn't out of commitment to you, then you have nothing to worry about. If she does, then your relationship as you know it is probably out. But if you break it off now out of baseless worries, you'll never know what could have happened.

Take a deep breath and refocus. Remind yourself that she hasn't given you "any signs that she would be dishonest." Therefore, your concerns are unfounded. Relax and enjoy the ride.

[EvilEvilKitten]

" Like, I get sick to my stomach worried. I think because I'm so afraid of being made a fool. "

You look like an utter fool now.

Be ashamed to be so SHALLOW.

[liquidfate]

Why am I shallow?

[Massdebator]

You worry too much about your image. You say you're insecure because she's beautiful, but at the root of your fears, it comes down to reputation. The point is, you shouldn't be concerned about how you would look if you are betrayed by a girlfriend. No one is going to think you're a fool for trusting someone that has not shown you any reason to doubt them. More importantly, no one outside of close friends will get that caught up in your affairs to give you hell about it anyway. Friends will console you, not harass you. I don't want to speak for EEK, but that's why I thought, "I think because I'm so afraid of being made a fool," was a shallow thing to say. If you're 21 years old, you should've gotten over the typical high-schooler's obsession with public image years ago. Then again, given the title of your post you might not have. That's ok, because you're here trying to do something about it.

There was some pretty sound advice from the previous posters about your attitude toward the relationship and how adjusting your thoughts could be beneficial, so I won't repeat any of it. I'll just say that you would do well to heed it. Beyond that, I think that your constant negativity could end a perfectly healthy relationship. It's hard to hide feelings such as yours from someone you're constantly around. Eventually your girlfriend will sense your insecurities and it will most likely make her unhappy and restless. Trust her, dude.

[EvilEvilKitten]

You are shallow because you are more concerned with image than with substance; how she looks rather than the contents of her heart, mind, and soul.

In this life, ONLY character has value.