Men stop paying for first dates

[madeye]

Chivalry is not dead but there is a time and place for it, everything is very expensive these days and I personally know many guys that are of that mind set that a part of dating is paying for drinks and dinners and movies.

First dates should be cheap or frree. You dont know if you will like this woman this woman does not know if she will like you.

So stop taking a girl out for dinner on a first date to whip out your wallet like its going to be the secret formula for a guranteed goodnight kiss.

Go to a bar and play darts, split of a pitcher of beer.

Go to a coffee shop drink your coffee/tea in 30 minutes and go for a walk outside.

Go fishing, do something cheasy like fly a kite, sledding, hang out at a park, walk around the shopping district of your major city (if you have one)

Be creative and find fun cheap/free ways to get to know that women you met recently.

If sparks fly and your flirting very well and things look like they are going somewhere only then do you bust out your nicest clothes a dozen flowers and and insist that this dinner is on you.

I hope the women of this board can back me up, cause it really bothers me to see guys who dont understand these things.

PS never buy a women a drink to start a conversation, start a conversation with a question or an observation, make eye contact and if you sense a little attraction offer her an opportunity with something like "Your interesting let me buy you a drink and we can keep chatting"

[EvilEvilKitten]

You're almost right.

Never buy a woman a drink right off the bat. Your suggestion here is correct.

But the first date should in fact be going out for coffee. Both of you should be investigating each other's likes and dislikes, hobbies, pets, etc. You're seeking background information so you can plan future dates if there's mutual interest.

Then you structure a date specifically tailored to her interests and invite her out. After he does this twice, she does one for him. By this time you both should know if a relationship is possible and desirable. If not - oh well. Nice knowing you. If yes, yippie! Continue the two to one ratio of dating and see where you two end up.

The person who invites pays and without any expectations - period.

And yes, you don't have to spend money on a date. It is the QUALITY TIME spent with him/her that matters not the money.

[wet_suit_one]

Christ almighty!!!!

Why all these bloody rules? FARK! Why make it so complicated?!!?!?!

Personally, I just pay. Why? Farkin' dumb I guess, but I just pay. Am I chilvarous? I don't know. I do know that I can pay for dates from here to eternity and not have it impact my standard of living too much (ok, I'm a lucky guy that way), but jeeez.... Does there really have to be all kinds of crazy rules?

BTW EEK, why never buy a woman a drink right off the bat? There is something here that I'm not understanding, so I must now learn this so as to potentially have greater success in this arena. Do tell? I pray thee to share thy wisdome and understanding with this ignorant fool.

Thanks in advance!

[constantlylearning]

I don't think it is chilvarious thing to pay for dinner. It is more the "proper"
thing to do. Perhaps, some see that as old-fashioned. Why does everything
have to come down to dollars and cents. Sometimes, it is nice to open the door
for lady, wine and dine her (regardless which number the date is), take her to
movie or show. I am with wet on this one.

[madeye]

Its more than dollars and cents

its a weird message you send that says, "I hope you like me cause im spending money on you"

If you start off any interaction by giving someone something for free your putting the question in that persons head of "what does this person want in return"

You think your being old fashioned or you think your doing the right thing and really your just applying an awkward pressure/expectation on a first date situation that should just be relaxing pressure free encounter.

So if you do a cheap/free date and if you start a conversation without buying the woman a drink your sending a clear message of "I have no expectations accept chatting and getting to know each other"

Keep it genuine keep it cheap and keep it an even keel beginning of a potential relationship.

Then like I said and like what evilkitten said jump into the fancy dinners and drink buying when you establish attraction/interest. to a fair respectful level or in kittens advice "Ratio" of taking turns.

[ducktales]

Guys if you play it right you can probably go out on first dates for less than $40, maybe even cheaper, and this is going to a real restaurant.

First, you order something small like a salad, or something, your date will probably order something similar as she doesn't want you to think she's 1)a pig if she orders something big 2)a gold-digger or something if she orders something expensive.

Then you ask her if she'd like to split desert, she'll more than likely say yes she doesn't want you to think those thoughts about her and the....

BAM...you get out of the date for less than $40 and that includes the tip.

[wet_suit_one]

Yeah but do you get laid? Therein lies the question....

Just sayin' 'cause many males will be thinking it and since they can't ask their dates for sex, (that will get her to leave faster than snapping her bra) I'll raise the issue here.

Maybe on a 3rd date, but not a first.

[EvilEvilKitten]

Whether or not a lady enjoys you is her business. You men volunteer but it is the lady who selects. Usually if she has agreed to meet you, you're good unless you make a mistake. Buying her a drink as a way to get her attention is bad because of the signal it sends to her to wit: 1. get her drunk, and/or 2. she's a prostitute, since that is the traditional opening to negotiations. "You lonely, GI?" And that would be a huge mistake resulting not only in your services being rejected but your carcase being set on fire as well. Just kidding! Most women aren't nearly into annihilation as I am.

Yes, I do 'get laid'.

[constantlylearning]

WOW.........I have never even given the cost of a date a moment's thought. To be
honest, I enjoy spending the money and enjoying myself. Like Wet, it won't impact
me at all but even if it did I am not sure I wouldn't do it anyway. I expect nothing
but rather choose to enjoy spending time and enjoying myself.

[goof'schik]

Ok if you ask me out you pay. If I ask you out I pay. If I bump into you at the mall we buy our own. If you mean sending me a drink so I'll come over and talk to you, I may come over, thank you for the drink and hand it right back. As a woman there is no way on this earth that I am going to back you up on this. The man pays rule goes back to dating, a man takes a woman he likes out, maybe in 10 years they are happily married with a kid, a dog and a white picket fence. Maybe he never asks her out again. Or maybe she never agrees to go out with him again.
If you asked me out, and at dinner divided up the check, I would bolt. It's like I tell my friends with daughter's. Teach them to drive a manual transmission and to throw a right punch. She's out one night and he gets trashed, throw the punch, take his keys (most guys had manual transmissions when I was growing up), and take the keys home to daddy. If this had happened to me, my dad, my older brother, my younger brother and all of his friends would of been waiting for him.
If you don't want to spend hundred's on a first date then don't, if that is what she expects you to do then do you really want to date her? Be a gentleman, and make your mother proud.