Girlfriend Getting Bored with Me?

[plax_max_34]

Hey, not sure if this is the right place for this. My girlfriend and I have been dating for a year. We've had some issues lately in our sex life, which I've posted in a thread in the "mariage and long-term relationships" area.

Let's see if I can summarize: We haven't had sex in 4 months, because of practical reasons (no privacy, busy schedules, college students home for the summer). Anyway, that's not really the point.

I'm worried that my girlfriend might be getting bored with me. I'm a very nice and sympathetic guy, probably the first "nice guy" she's ever dated. But she loves to go out and dance. During the week, she'll go out at night with her coworkers to clubs and bars in NYC (she lives in Queens). I get jealous when I see the pictures of her with other guys, and I really feel like I should be there with her. But it's hard for me because I live much further away from the city, and I work 9-5 in the city everyday. My commute is 2 hours every day, so I have to be in bed and I have to wake up much earlier than my g/f does. On top of that, I've been taking summer classes, but they will be finished after this week.

She just really loves to dance, because she finds it very sexy and it is a sign of confidence in a guy, I think. I can't remember the last time she and I were able to go out dancing. We still see each other on the weekend, but typically we just hang out with each other.

I had to cancel our plans for this weekend, but I suggested that next week maybe we could go out to a bar or a club with her friends or her coworkers. I thought she would love this idea, but she was just kind of like, "Eh, I don't know." She didn't sound excited at all. Is she just not excited by me?

[dlb]

If what you want is to go out dancing and her reaction is, "Eh, I don't know." you can consider it wise to go out dancing with someone else. If what you want is to go dancing with her you can consider it wise to do anything with anyone else. This sort of behavior and attitude from a college aged woman means that she is thinking about moving on or already has, but hsan't told you about it yet.

Sorry pal, but that's the way it is. Protect yourself and get as many new girlfriends as you can stand.

[DaBoss]

Never ask your bored girlfriend if she wants to do ANYTHING. From the story you posted, the reason she's "bored" is because your relationship seems to be in a routine. If I was you I would just take her out without asking. Screw co-workers, screw friends, you need to show that you can show her a good time by yourself. If you can't even do that why should she stay with you? Personally I wouldn't even go the dancing route. She's already doing that. If you take her out dancing, she's just gonna be reminded of all the fun she was having with the other people before. I would try and think of something else just as fun but more original. I'll leave that up to you.

I do agree with the above poster that she is probably already moving on. Girls in their 20's have the patience density of a wet paper bag. No sex in 4 months? She's probably going to try and find it elsewhere if she hasn't already. Don't sell yourself short. She's still having fun regardless of how you're feeling right now. You got a job, education, and loyalty. Find someone else that can fit YOUR schedule. Don't change your life for hers, because she's obviously not doing it for you on her end.

[EvilEvilKitten]

So you work in the city in which she goes out dancing right? Delay the onset of your commute, stop taking no for an answer, and do something with her - for example - music in the park? take her there and dance with her in the park. Heck - take dancing lessons with her, give her a huge tremendous blow her mind kiss upon parting and run laughing for the train. Jeez! And no you do NOT give her the chance to opt out. She's going to do this with you even if you have to show up at work and escort her out - a surprise for her!

It seems you are letting your life be run by anything and anyone else but you - stop that. Do what you must and set your life up to suit you - make life bend to you and not the other way around.

Nice does not mean weak. You can demand that she step up without being a lout about it.