arrange marriage?????????

[wantsex]

my friend is going to do arrange marriage.. his parents arranged it. and he and his future wife didn't meet yet he just has her photo and he likes her but he is kind of shy... so he was asking me how he would react to her.... how can he start talking and he is really upset about first night of their wedding... he dosn't know wat to say.. to her please help...

[Mr. Saint]

Article 16. United Nations Universal Human Rights Declaration

(1) Men and women of full age, without any limitation due to race, nationality or religion, have the right to marry and to found a family. They are entitled to equal rights as to marriage, during marriage and at its dissolution.
(2) Marriage shall be entered into only with the free and full consent of the intending spouses.
(3) The family is the natural and fundamental group unit of society and is entitled to protection by society and the State.


You can not legally force some one in to marriage. Arranged marriages are illegal in the United States. You have the RIGHT to say NO!!!! Marriage is not something you should rush in to and it is most certainly not a fanatical arrangement for your parents. I suggest that he tells his parents he is not going to do it and if they don’t accept that then he leaves. Arranged marriages are not something that should happen in a free country. Most countries have the same laws in this concern as the US, but unfortunately not all. What county dose he live in?

[wantsex]

wait this marriage is not in USA its in india and its legal

[Browser]

Originally Posted by Mr. Saint

Article 16. United Nations Universal Human Rights Declaration

(1) Men and women of full age, without any limitation due to race, nationality or religion, have the right to marry and to found a family. They are entitled to equal rights as to marriage, during marriage and at its dissolution.
(2) Marriage shall be entered into only with the free and full consent of the intending spouses.
(3) The family is the natural and fundamental group unit of society and is entitled to protection by society and the State.


You can not legally force some one in to marriage. Arranged marriages are illegal in the United States. You have the RIGHT to say NO!!!! Marriage is not something you should rush in to and it is most certainly not a fanatical arrangement for your parents. I suggest that he tells his parents he is not going to do it and if they don’t accept that then he leaves. Arranged marriages are not something that should happen in a free country. Most countries have the same laws in this concern as the US, but unfortunately not all. What county dose he live in?

You speak of "rights," and yet you would tell others what they can and cannot do? Philosophy is wonderful stuff, but untempered with practicality it leads to things like the French Revolution. Furthermore, your quote shows your disregard for the "rights" of same-sex couples. Hypocrisy is not becoming.
Arranged marriages are common in the world outside of the United States, and used to be the only form of marriage permissible.

Wantsex:
A friend of mine recently returned to India for his wedding. He had not met his wife prior to that week, but is quite happy with the result. His advice for your friend is:
"Be yourself, man. You've got plenty of time to learn about each other, so don't worry about it and enjoy the wedding."

[Justsomebody]

I've heard of arranged marriages in the US, particularly with Indian immigrants or their descendants. I've even heard of Indian Americans going back to India to find a husband or wife for their child.

I guess it's ok if both parties agree to the idea. You can't tell them "do this" but you can't tell them "no" either.

[Mr. Saint]

I assume that you would call the outlawing of slavery as taking away the right of people to own slaves. That is exactly what arranged marriage is for women, slavery. The family of the women gains financial benefit in trade for there daughter being sold in to indentured servitude to the man. That is why the United Nations declared arranged marriage a Human Rights violation. Both parties must enter with free and full consent. That means you can not coerce someone in to marriage whether it is the state or the family. In an arranged marriage the women is told that she must marry a man that she has never met before. She dose not have free choice and she is thus forced in to slavery. Any one who engages in an arranged marriage and comes back to this county is committing a crime. The problem is in arranged marriage both parties never give free and full consent.

As for same-sex marriage, both my self and the United Nation support the right to same-sex marriage. It says in article 16 “Men and Women” it dose not say “A man and a woman”. The Human Rights declaration uses the inclusive and pleural form of the words “women and men”. Meaning any combination of men and women as long as both parties are of full age and give free and full consent

Change is a very important part of society. Just because something has been going on for year’s dose not mean it is not wrong and that it should not be change. Slavery went of for hundreds of years in many countries;’ that dose not mean it is not wrong. If you willingly engage in an arranged marriage you are committing a human rights violation because the women dose not know you so she can not possibly give consent.

[lnt1103]

Saint, you make some valid points about life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness in the US. This no one can argue.

Having said that, and respectfully of it, I think your information also misses the OP's point. The question was not 'should my friend go through with it or should he not?' it was 'my friend is doing this, how should he cope after he does?' Some have less choice in the matter than others do, not legally, but rather socio-culturally, which can be far more formidable.

OP: my suggestion is to share the advice of the Asian friend of another poster with your friend. One who comes from a similar cultural background to your friend would know the best.

[Browser]

By consenting to enter into an arranged marriage, is she not... well... consenting to enter an arranged marriage? Why does only the woman have to consent? Are you depriving men of their "rights?" Is she being sold to a man, or are the parents of two young adults agreeing that their children would be suitable matches for each other? Would you deprive the parents of their "right" to look after the futures of their children? Wouldn't that be depriving them of their "right" to "life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness?"

You don't understand the culture. But hey! Not my "right" to tell you that, so I withdraw the comment. Am I allowed to do that? What if I ask nicely?

As to same-sex couples, why does it not specify that they are permitted to marry regardless of sexual orientation? Meaning they don't permit it? I'd say omitting that is a little more important than the plurality of "men and women."

[Mr. Saint]

Men are not stoned to death if they refuse to enter in to the marriage. If I do not understand the culture then neither doses the United Nations Human Rights Commission of Amnesty International. I am not talking about a culture that treats women as second class citizens, they treat women as property. Every person is born free in equal no matter what culture or country they are in. there is no excuse for oppression. I assume that you would call the Cast system in India just a different culture. The children are not the property of the parents; no one is property of anyone. In these cultures, women are property of the parents until they are married and then they are the property of the husband. This is never expectable and there is no excuse for it. I love how easy it is for people to just write off civil rights to tradition. As for my kind of thinking starting the French Revolution, you are right, it also started the American Revolution and I am proud of it.

OP sorry for hijacking your thread.

Here is some things everyone should read no matter where you live.

http://www.un.org/Overview/rights.html

http://www.ushistory.org/declaration/document/index.htm

[Browser]

Actually, taxes caused the American Revolution. Philosophy is usually used by people who need to justify their actions... like overthrowing the government, breeding a master race, conquering a neighboring nation, sending prisoners to colonize a continent, etc.

Cute Declaration. Too bad it means nothing and is no longer a priority to our government.

Article 16.
(1) Men and women of full age, without any limitation due to race, nationality or religion, have the right to marry and to found a family. They are entitled to equal rights as to marriage, during marriage and at its dissolution.

(2) Marriage shall be entered into only with the free and full consent of the intending spouses.

(3) The family is the natural and fundamental group unit of society and is entitled to protection by society and the State

I see you left part out. Arranged marriages in India are marriages, though. That's what you're missing. The caste (you dropped an "e") system is very much like our own socioeconomic divide, and does not enter into the argument. Furthermore, the people getting married have a say in what happens: another friend of mine returned to be married and did not mesh well with the bride-to-be, so they talked to each other and cancled the marriage.

Why hasn't the UN put sanctions on India, then, if the men there are "selling" women?

In short:
Unrelated philosophy.
Consent is required.
The UN doesn't care, no matter how frequently its charter is quoted from.
The Declaration of Independance and American law do not factor into this discussion at all.