DATING--Rules: how to and how not to

[EvilEvilKitten]

As long as you are timid - you will be "in the friend zone".

[wickedkylee]

i like it!

[sensualGoddess]

I didn't want to make a new thread about this issue, and I may have discussed this once or twice...but to be honest, I don't understand any real benefits to dating around.

I know it was stated somewhere in the beginning that the whole point of dating was to find Mr/Mrs. Right...which in all honesty, I don't believe in this seeing as I view this Mr/Mrs Right as a myth.

I'm a woman who typically knows what she wants in a man...so why date around?

Why date countless bunch of people that may appear to be good on the surface, but then you realize, "holy crap, what the heck did I get myself into?"

Truth is, I don't and can't see any benefits of doing this. While I do come from a long line of generational folk that found their potential wives and husbands within 1-3 times of dating different folks...

1. They are all still married to the person to this day and age. What in the name of love/lust/whatever I believe in as of this point of my life would make me think I should even attempt dating around when if the premise of dating around is just to date around aimlessly?

2. I want the type of marriage that my parents have. It's loving for the most part...that's really all I know at least verbally. But I have the disadvantage that the minute I graduate from college...enter in grad school while joining the workforce that the time I did have to date around in college specifically (hs was not an option for me to do so...i wasn't allowed to and a lot of people never really understood me or got a chance to know me...basically you're classified "outsider" who was able to break out of label because I wrote a lot of poetry and stuff to make people think in general.

So lately, this "dating" issue is becoming a concern.

I don't want to date well into my late 30's when my eggs start to go bad, because I do want children. I don't want to date so late in life...if it comes to that, I already decided to join the convent and ONLY if it ever came to that.

But in general, I don't feel or think I will ever have that time to really be able to date anymore after this May.

I have been in a full blown depression ever since the countdown until college graduation arrives. Literally, I feel that after I graduate all the time that I did have goes out the window...

Honest question...is it ever too late to date?

[RedRoses]

Dear SG,
Long time no seen. I'm sorry to hear of your depression. I can understand how horrible it feels. How a few days of deep depression could feel like a year just passed by. But really, SG, that feeling will go away! It isn't easy, hell I know it's not. But please hold on to that thought: that bad feeling will go away!

And perhaps I'm missing a point, but: why do you think that after you graduate the time that you did have goes out the window? What horrible thing awaits you? Aren't there good things awaiting you? Like; the things you've studied so hard for can be put to practice?

About dating; if you don't like dating around, than don't. Cause really, despite all well intentioned advices given on this site, you are the only one that can decide what's best for you! And from what I've seen from people dating around me, it requires a certain attitude not everyone has or will/want to develop. Just as a committed relationship requires an attitude that some have, some learn to acquire and some will never learn.

Far more important than dating, seems to me that you make peace with yourself. Get yourself back on track. Stand on both feet again, firmly on the ground! This could be through numerous of ways; walking in nature while absorbing the beauty that surrounds you, exercising to get your endorphins running (hormones that make you feel good), seeing a counselor/therapist to talk about your problems without the need to hold back, getting a massage or seeing a haptonomist to get more in tune with your body, etc, etc, etc. Think daily little things; some like cooking or baking when they don't feel good, I myself like cutting vegetables. Maybe you like taking a shower; washing all the sadness away. Visualize it going down the drain.

The only thing to keep you single would be to close up to the possibility of a relationship. As long as you're open, just be yourself and find your happiness in life that does not depend on others. Just follow your path. Most likely; it will come to you when you least expect it. Have you ever seen the movie "Under the Tuscan Sun"? A woman tells about how as a young girl she goes looking for ladybugs. And she looks and looks, but can't find them. Exhausted she falls asleep. And as she wakes up; ladybugs crawl all over her.

I know this is "just" a movie, but it's a beautiful metaphor. Whenever you look for something too hard, you won't find it. Ever tried thinking to much? You'll lose your head and lose the ability to think clearly. Just be at peace with yourself and it will come to you! But start with yourself.