Seeing someone new... how would you react?

[WantsMoreNow]

Okay so I just started seeing this guy and we actually have known eachother for probably close to 10 years.. we have been hanging out and flirting and started seeing eachother - went on a date... it was great ... we have awesome conversations and he and i finally had sex... which was AMAZAING!!

Now after we collected ourselves and we got talking - something came up about the last time we had sex ... always a dreaded question... so i gave him my answer of a few months ago and his response was "damn i feel like a slut, it was just last week" - FYI hes an open guy and we have ALWAYS been very open with eachother so I know he didnt say it to have it bother me in any way.

Technically - we didnt start anything physical with eachother other than kissing until after that but... being as we just started hanging out.. i know i dont really have much "right" to say something but I want to know what I should do to let him know I'm in it for more than just being a "buddy"

I didn't really react to his comment - I was very passive with it.. didn't really know what to think.. and then thought i was thinking too much but should I have said something? I'm just confused b/c our dates and time together has been awesome.. so did he just put his foot in his mouth or what?

[dancingdoc2]

Please clarify. I have no idea what you said or what the problem is.

[WantsMoreNow]

sorry about the confusion...

What I was trying to say - and did a horrible job of is... should I be upset with what he said being as we just finished having sex? and if I want more out of what we just started should I talk to him about it or is it too late to? I was curious to see how others felt about what was said afterwards.

[Ducy]

If you want to start something, (exclusive) talk to him. It may not be that he is dating someone else, it just might be a fling he had or something.

[sera300]

I say just let it ride, continue to date & date others, do not get exclusive yet. You are just getting to know one another...skip the "other" partner comments since they are your personal lives--not to be shared, especially just after having sex.

[WantsMoreNow]

thanks... it just caught me off guard. we shall see what happens.

Thanks again!

[Suki2007]

I would personally say that while there is nothing you can do about it now, in the future with other prospective partners, ask before you have sex if it is something that you feel you need to know. However, as far as your current guy goes, you two haven't talked about being exclusive, so really, there isn't really much to be upset over as he hasn't broken any promise to you. If you had agreed to be, that would be one thing. Does that make sense? As far as whether or not you want to continue dating him or become exclusive is something that you two will need to discuss.

Different people have different views on sex and different sets of morals and such. And that will always play into the kind of relationship a person will have with another person. If sleeping with him meant more to you than just having fun, then you may want to let him know that. Unless he knows what you are thinking, there is always a higher risk of getting your feelings hurt. The most important thing should be that you are happy and okay with whatever sort of relationship you have with him or anyone else.

Many people can have sex without wanting to have a relationship with the person they are sleeping with, so the person he slept with could mean very little in that respect. Also, the only thing that I would worry about, if I were in your shoes, is using protection since you are not monogamous. Be safe!

[EvilEvilKitten]

Okay he said he felt like a "slut" - and you didn't respond. Fine. But for next time here are your choices:

1. "Why do you feel that way?"

Because this comment he made deals with his attitude towards sex and before you open up and entrust him with your heart, it would be best to know how he views sex.

or

2. "You say that like it is a bad thing!"

Which gets much the same info out of him but also lightens the mood.

Naturally you're both 'playing the field' as you should since this is your learning period. There will be time enough later for forming that lasting relationship.

[dancingdoc2]

I have written about dating a lot. Here I go, again:

Dating by its very nature and purpose is about finding Mr./Ms. Right and to do this means that we go out with lots of people in order to learn what humanity has to offer. Doing so makes it easier to determine when this person comes along, and, it develops recognition skills that help us determine what we like and do not like in a person, and what qualities are valuable. By dating lots of people (and at the same time) we expose ourselves to lots of likes, dislikes, quirks, interests, morals, values, goals, mannerisms, ideals, etc., et cetera, etc.

Dating is not all about stopping with the first warm body who comes along expressing an interest in us. It is not all about being exclusive with each other--at least not until a long time later. Dating is about becoming closer to a person than is possible with a casual friendship. By becoming "closer" you are then able to learn more about each other.

There should be no exclusivity until you and the other person are ready to settle down and marry. Until then, you can be kept busy with one or more people. Exclusivity with one person is not a guarantee that you will always have a date or be kept socially busy. By not being "exclusive", particularly during the teen years, eliminates much of the angst, drama, and trauma in relationships that a teen is not yet prepared to handle. The same can hold true for older adults even though you have matured and have better coping skills.

By dating more than one person and at a time, you stand a much better chance of filling your social calendar, learning new things, and as noted above--exposing yourself to a variety of personalities that will help you determine when Mr. Right comes along.

Because dating by its very design is not and should not be exclusive, and there is no legal contract, there can be no "cheating". If when the time comes that you want exclusivity, then it is often implied long before by simply behaving toward one another like it is or has been. Your behaviors toward each other tell the tale. Until such time both people are free to date others should they choose. Until such time, devote lots of your dating activities deciding whether this person is marriage material, worthy of exclusivity, and only when you are ready to work on this aspect of your life make this commitment with each other.