Help with a Girl I Like...

thatoneguy · #1 (**permalink**) 06-05-2008, 08:09 PM

Okay, first of all, I'm newly single (2 weeks or so) and a girl that I really like says she doesn't really want a boyfriend right now, but she thinks she wants her next boyfriend to be me (we have talked about it, she knows how I feel and everything). So my question to you guys is this, what are some really sweet/nice things I can do for her without making her feel like I'm pushing her into anything? I already mix in sweet talk during conversations (we hang out, text, talk on the phone a LOT) and she loves it, but I'd like to be able to go just a little farther and make her feel that much more happy and cared for.

What are some good ideas for what I can do that come up just shy of something you'd do for an actual girlfriend, which may come off as being pushy?

thanks everyone

fassol · #2 (**permalink**) 06-05-2008, 08:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by thatoneguy

Okay, first of all, I'm newly single (2 weeks or so) and a girl that I really like says she doesn't really want a boyfriend right now, but she thinks she wants her next boyfriend to be me (we have talked about it, she knows how I feel and everything). So my question to you guys is this, what are some really sweet/nice things I can do for her without making her feel like I'm pushing her into anything? I already mix in sweet talk during conversations (we hang out, text, talk on the phone a LOT) and she loves it, but I'd like to be able to go just a little farther and make her feel that much more happy and cared for.

What are some good ideas for what I can do that come up just shy of something you'd do for an actual girlfriend, which may come off as being pushy?

thanks everyone

If she has been vocal about her feelings towards you, don't change anything. Just continue doing what you're doing and in the mean time look for other girls to "date" as well.

Ephemera · #3 (**permalink**) 06-05-2008, 09:00 PM

Don't let yourself be her sure thing, either.

Don't wait around for her. By doing so you will be giving her the upper hand in any sort of relationship you might have. Stay close to her, but don't be attached to her unless she is ready to make a commitment.

No lap-dog syndrome!

EvilEvilKitten · #4 (**permalink**) 06-06-2008, 06:41 AM

I disagree!

Stop even looking for commitment. F*** commitment!

What you want is to have a wide circle of friends and multiple lovers/dating partners. Get out there and PLAY!

If a relationship deepens and develops into something more, fine. Then you can do the commitment thing.

dancingdoc2 · #5 (**permalink**) 06-06-2008, 07:50 AM

It's been said time and time again on here by more than one of us that dating is a process. It should NOT begin and end with the first warm body who expresses an interest in us; rather, dating should be about going out with lots of different people in order to sample what humanity has to offer us. In this way we will have more opportunities to date, and, be exposed to lots of different egos, likes, dislikes, characters, quirks, moral and religious values, interests, etc. The point of this is to be able to better recognize Mr./Ms. Right when this person comes along.

Dating should also not be about exclusivity, particularly during the teen years when people are less able to handle and cope with emotions and differences of opinion that lead to lots of drama and trauma. That said, just continue to do what you are doing and do not escalate things for the time being. You can date her as a friend and go places and do things together all without any sort of commitment. After a few months if she wants a boyfriend and wants him to be you she will make her desires known. Also, after a few months of going places and doing things together and if all looks rosey, you can let your wishes known to her and see what her response is. During this time the two of you will be able to get to know each other better than as casual friends. This time will help both of you decide if you are right for each other.

If so, continue to date her and anyone else who interests you. She should do the same. If you want to spend more time together then it will be by mutual consent and interest--not a decree of exclusivity.

A word of caution, a good relationship is built on communication which you seem to be doing a lot of, I'd just caution you to do your communicating both in person (voice) and over the phone (voice). Forget about all the text messaging except for quick and infrequent notes. As for telephone etiquette, keep your conversations to less than twenty minutes once every day or two. It is clingy and often intrusive to hang out on the phone for hours or to find reasons to call or text several times a day. (I know, this has been what teens have done for eons, with texting being the latest innovation, yet prolonged drawn out frequent contacts are not the way to build a rewarding relationship, particularly if you see each other frequently during the day, then go home and hang out on the phone. Every healthy relationship needs room to breathe. Give each other some space.) Make your calls infrequent and thus more meaningful. You will find that the conversations have more substance, also.

If she wants to be friends with you she will by her interest in you and willingness to be with you. You do not have to up the ante' by always being in her face (texting) or in her ear (phone) or turning up everywhere she is. This process is known as "Implied Consent". She is there because she desires to be; you are there with her because you desire to be, neither of you have to push and I think at this stage, wanting to do more is doing this. Of course, if during these next few months, if she has a birthday you can certainly do something about that.

So, play it cool, play it elegantly, and play with others besides her, also. If you put this plan into action, you will be doing what you are already doing yet without a decree of commitment. The commitment comes from an unspoken desire to just be with each other. This is implied by actions word and deed. My guess is that she is afraid of committing and possibly being locked into a relationship. Yet she will volunteer for all of this if it just happens. Make sense? Questions?

thatoneguy · #6 (**permalink**) 06-06-2008, 04:23 PM

Thanks for all the advice, makes perfect sense really. That helps a lot, and yeah, since we're in college I think she's afraid of a relationship not allowing her to meet as many people as she normally would because of spending more time with a boyfriend. We'll just be friends for now, I'm taking another girl out Tuesday also that she knows about.

I guess if this girl, or any other girl, and I get into a relationship I'll be back for suggestions on the sweet little things I can do for her from time to time!