Finding People to Date

[Massdebator]

Okies. I've been single for several months now with no play and no dates since my last relationship. It's not that I don't want to get out there and date, but I'm having a lot of difficulty finding women to date. Over the summer break I have to leave my college town and come back home, and I'm having a hard time finding opportunities to meet people. This small town doesn't have a lot of resources to use to get out and date, really. Most of the eligible people in my hometown are minors and I'm picky about who I'm interested in. To be blunt: the sea is small here, and I don't like what I see. There are few places in the community that people my age regularly convene or hang out, so meeting a woman who appeals to me is pretty much left up to chance at this point. I've volunteered at the local no-kill animal shelter once before and I've never met anyone through those efforts. None of the women I'm currently friends with really appeal to me either, so I can't go with what I know. I don't want to rely on a fluke anymore, so here I am, asking you all for some suggestions. I'm sure I'm just overlooking what is available or over-thinking things.

[dancingdoc2]

Whether large or small, you've got to be seen and/or let your presence be known.

* You can do this by joining hobby or sports organizations in which women also have an interest.

* You can let family and friends, including the women you know, that you are interested in dating. Let these people also search for you. It's called networking.

I grew up in one of California's small historic towns until I left for the big cities to go to college. Your chances are greater if you can get to the city even on the weekends and do one or more of these activities there. You might consider learning to do Ballroom, Swing, or C&W dancing. There are several benefits:

a. exercise
b. fun
c. challenging
d. meet new friends who can network for you

I do not hold much stock in any of the online dating or meeting services. Often people establish contact with people many miles away. This is fine for pen pals, not for relationships. Unless and until you meet these people do you really know who they are and what they are about. All too often we read about long distance contacts that are stressful and go nowhere yet people want to hang on....

Maybe others have ideas, yet wherever a person is, these are the essentials.

[sera300]

Okay so you did the no-kill shelter, was it in the same region? Did you go out to walk the dogs and go to their adoption events? Why--many women stop and will talk to you in public. I would; I would ask you why you did this & how it's changed your life etc...it essence it makes you a man I would want to know...I do have some standards!

Same for other organizations; figure many are going to be in your area in similar predicaments, returning from college seeking stimulation & new friends. Often those who were left behind when you left for college want nothing to do with you and will shun you. Those who went off to college and return for summers seek similar like minded people.

Seek any organization including the American Red Cross; have a hospital near you? Volunteer!!! Most evening shift nurses are there and young...face it they have college. And Nurses are fun & a bit wild.

On-line? Ughhhh. It used to be great found people have learned to photograph themselves and write well...most is now fiction. Can try something on-line to see if you can meet women in an adjacent town?

How to meet people--I talk to many, am liked by many yet still get the old men interested in me 78-80+. I also live in a small town, the majority of men here are married.

What about going to visit a friend from school? I find around the Junior/Senior year most rarely return home for the full summers since they are on to a new life.

[Massdebator]

Doc, I used to take salsa lessons during the semester. I was learning because my girlfriend at the time could salsa, and I wanted to surprise her. You're right, that was an excellent way to meet girls, but I was in a relationship at the time. I can't do that right now because it's summer. There are no dance studios other than ballet for young children here in town. I go to martial arts classes on my days off, but the dojo is not a good place to meet women.

All the students coming back to town from college are either not eligible or are not interesting to me. They're either unsavory or too close of friends for me to date.

As far as the animal shelter goes, I did a lot of dog walking, but the area of town it's located in is more of an elderly hang out. I got a lot of compliments and flattery, but they're just out of my age range

Online dating is not something I considered, for the same reasons you both mentioned.

I like your idea of volunteering at the hospital, Sera. It might be my best bet because I only get 2-3 days off per week, and I get off work at 9pm. Something else I just thought of is getting a gym membership. I do my workout at home, but I could start going to the local gym in the mornings before work.

I should also point out here maybe, that I didn't go through with my try at the server at the pub. It was just too inappropriate considering where she worked, and I never saw her when she was off the clock.

[sera300]

So volunteer while you are off from work; if you have 2-3 days off, volunteer in the evenings, and try to vary so you are there on day shift...nursing students are around on days & don't get summers off...

Gyms are great; why? Well if you go to a good one, not a die hard muscle gym, women will ask you "stupid" questions just to talk. And yeah, I've done that to just talk. Many gyms also hold dance classes at night; honestly I found yes there are lots of women but again those are either engaged & learning to dance for their wedding or older women who are doing it b/c they always wanted to & the spouse will not go. I used to go with my ex finance. The majority were married couples.

Can always try the on-line dating; look for a free service. Just look at some profiles; may find one or two women who are not about town for a reason or the other.

Local College? Go to an activity there & meet women.

[EvilEvilKitten]

Until you learn to NOT be so "up tight" about sex your chances of finding women to date will be extremely limited; hadn't you noticed that your atitude is affecting your sex life? All I heard when reading your question was "it is all about me". You select jobs based upon their possible "sexual return" to you instead of being passionately interested about the work. You have a calculator for a soul. STOP IT.

Instead of going home for the summer - stay at school where the girls are! Duh!

[Massdebator]

Whoopsies. Sorry EEK, I tend to come across as cold or calculating when I write my feelings out. I don't know why, because I'm a much warmer person, well, in person . What was it exactly in my post that made me seem uptight? I ask, because I'd like to be able to write things out and not be misunderstood.

Just a few clarifications:
When I was volunteering at the shelter I was doing it for a school organization. My intentions weren't nearly as selfish as I made them out to be. The only real job I have was selected by me because it comes with a decent wage and it's really the only job I could get for the summer. I can't get more than a summer job here, because I already have a job during the semester. I'm not trying to be selfish. I'm just asking for ways to make myself known to others, because I don't come across anyone new during my current activities. I love what I do now, and I'm not going to stop participating in the groups I am involved with because there's no sexual return.

[sera300]

I am lost--Seemed pretty rational to me. Just out of a relationship, looking for a nice lady or two for dating while stuck home, nothing serious. Where do you turn them up? Good question.

Many have to go home over the summer. Seems logical asking how to meet women with similar interests is rational.

I guess I am missing something...volunteering you get some thing in return; happiness. It's nice to be around people your own age too. Why I suggesting looking to volunteer in a hospital...meet new friends your age who also want to go out!

Evil--I am the one who said nurses are fun!

[EvilEvilKitten]

Dear, women are everywhere! Just like men, they litter the landscape! Butif you really want to find women - spend summer at your school! You can work, and the atmosphere's more relaxed and there are women there doing pretty much the same thing!

[sera300]

Originally Posted by EvilEvilKitten

Dear, women are everywhere! Just like men, they litter the landscape! Butif you really want to find women - spend summer at your school! You can work, and the atmosphere's more relaxed and there are women there doing pretty much the same thing!

I got him in trouble telling him to look around the local hospitals for volunteer work & find people his own age...nurses are fun!!! I did it!