She says only thing i love is sex and not her.....

[snowman]

I really am baffled by what my gf said to me yesterday. she claims that i am only nice when i want something and the only thing i love is sex and not her. she also says that i dont see sex as anything special anymore just SEX.

What she said really hurt as it is far from the truth, but i dont know what to say or do or even if i should. I mean i told it is complete rubbish but she just said thats how i have made her think and feel


Any suggestions...

[emilie]

Ask her to explain your actions that made her feel that way.
Are you nice with no expectaions?
Do you show frustration if you don't get sex?
Do you ever just 'make out' without it leading to sex?

Sure, YOU may think it's more than just sex, but she ain't you. Her viewpoint is completely different.

Or, you could just continue to do what you've been doing.
Just dismiss her comment, tell her she's full of it and continue to tell her whatever she feels has no weight against your own opinion of how she should be feeling.

[Brandye]

Emilie has the good suggestions. Many women have had partners who come across as you have to your g/f. Could be her perception; could be she is telling you it is time for her to move on.

Talk it out.

[snowman]

thanks for the responses.


well she made contact with me today and acted as if everything was normal and then said she wanted to tell me that she was sorry for what she said. I told her that it must be how she feels though and that it is of concern to her but she dismissed it as not being the case and that maybe she is being over sensitive, emotional and insecure due to her period.

I am not so sure...

[lnt1103]

I would agree with the above, but I would add one thing-have this convo when sex is NOT even remotely on the table, and don't expect it to land on the table right away afterward. If it does it will only serve to perpetuate her feelings that that's all you care about. Go to her in a sincerely concerned and loving moment, in an honest attempt to rectify the issue.

[sera300]

Due to the onset of her period she might be over-sensitive about what is happening; however, it is just exaggerated. Underneath there is something she is trying to tell you about how she feels.

Men get accustomed to sex and can forget women have needs of contentment. Ask yourself are you expressing that to her? Do you let her know you care or have you become to take each other for granted? Do you do anything together outside of the bedroom? If so are they your "wants" or hers? Only questions you can answer.

You cannot give up all of you for another but there is an area of compromise, there is big need for communication here [fast] or you will split.

[emilie]

I second sera.

I am not so sure...

Stick with that.

PMS (in my experience) doesn't create thoughts, feelings or viewpoints. It just changes the ability to control the outward response of issues already present.

[constantlylearning]

Emilie, you really "cut to the chase." with the "full of it" comments. LOL
At the end of the day, people need to make their significant others feel
special and with comes sensitivity torward the simplest of issues. Learn to
be caring even if something seems mondane or little importance. The little
things do have relevance and have great significance.

[curious_woman]

Originally Posted by emilie

I second sera.


Stick with that.

PMS (in my experience) doesn't create thoughts, feelings or viewpoints. It just changes the ability to control the outward response of issues already present.

I disagree I have said things I definitely don't mean and gotten mad at things I would normally find funny. I hate hormones sometimes!

[dlb]

Make your life easier. I am assuming you are still pretty young. Having had quite a bit of experience dating women I canm tell you that there are plenty more out there who appreciate that sex is important, that are not insecure, and can enjoy sex without trying to use it as blackmail.

Your girlfriend has problems with her self esteem. If you truly care about her and think that you are going to be able to do something to help her out and that you are one day going to have a healthy relationship you can try and stick it out. I can tell you from experience that what she needs is professional help.

My suggestion is dump her and find someone with a healthier sense of self worth and a healthier view of you.