Only 1 partner....

[captain anonymous]

Hello everyone, lately I've had a small dilemma. I've been dating a girl for almost a year now, and so far everything has been great. We've had ups and downs, but I really think she is fantastic and I know we love each other very much. My issue at this point is stemming from the fact that prior to her, I was a virgin. She on the other hand, was not, and has multiple partners in her past.

While this doesn't really bother me, I always wonder myself what its like to have sex with someone different. I don't want to break up with her by any means, especially over something like this and ruin what we have, but it always has me thinking. I'm just seeking advise from others to see what you might do/suggest in this situation. Am I really missing anything by only having 1 partner? I'm almost 23, and I think this relationship I have with her could possibly lead to marriage at one point, so unfortunately it will always be in the back of my mind.

If anyone can offer up some advice on my situation, it would be greatly appreciated!

[dancingdoc2]

Dating is and should be all about finding out what humanity has to offer in potential mates. Dating is and should not begin and end with the first warm body who expresses an interest in us. Dating a single person should not happen until you find Mr. or Ms. Right and are ready to settle down.

If you were not in an exclusive relationship then you would not necessarily have this problem. That you are, my recommendation is to to confine your thoughts to the realm of fantasy, or, enlist her help and play act while making love. She can be someone different and so can you. When one or the other of you take on the role of a different character, chances are she and/or you will act and behave differently. This can definitely spice up your love life.

[EvilEvilKitten]

Being exclusive - well, now you have learned why we do NOT recommend it.

I would TALK to her by saying, "I have begun thinking what sex with another person would be like. You have had that experience. Can you tell me about it?"

Signal beforehand that this is a serious discussion by having it outside of the bedroom and in an non-sexual atmosphere when you're both fully dressed.

You are seeking knowledge - you are not there to judge or to break up your relationship. This is not fear of committment either. In a way, you are also seeking reassurance.

If she asks why - tell her the truth, "I've been wondering lately but I do not want to go outside of our relationship or to put it into jeopardy to find out. So I thought I'd ask you."

Remember this isn't about any one particular guy or act - it is what makes the difference between one person and the next - the style of lovemaking, the quality of the relationship and how one person differes from another while doing the same acts.

[Brandye]

Growing up chaste, finding the right one, being transported on your wedding night and living happily ever after. Great dream, wonderful fairy tale, wonderful way to keep kids in line.

Now, let me list all of my truly one-partner friends:





And also:

[EvilEvilKitten]

I have a similar list to Brandye's.

[sera300]

Ditto to Brandye & EEK!

Have never seen such & I did read a poll [valid poll] of women who were asked over the age of 70 who said they were "virgins" on their wedding night--90% lied to their family & partner.

[fassol]

While I agree that you should date more women, the purpose of dating is not just to find sexual compatibility.

Do you have problems in the bedroom with your current girlfriend? If not, please explain why it's only sex that you feel you want from another person? Sex with another person will be exactly that: Sex with another person.

Sex is about communication. I'm assuming if you have no problems with your current sex life then your communication is good, and she fullfills all your sexual needs/desires.

That aside, dating is more importantly to find compatibility outside the bedroom as well. Do you enjoy her company? Does she enjoy yours? Imagine 50 years down the road when sex will not be as energetic or nearly as frequent as it is now. Would you still love her for her?

Doc's quote on "dating should not start and end with the first warm body that expresses an interest in us" [sic] refers to how we should not fall in love just because the person allows us to penetrate them or visa versa.

[EvilEvilKitten]

LOL
fassol - 50 years from now - yes, they can still be enjoying a very rich and rewarding sex life. Her hormones have upped her libido and his years have finally added wisdom to his technique.

Sexual compatibility is JUST AS important as any other kind of compatibility.

His question isn't really about "just sex with another person". His question is really about him facing his future and feeling a bit insecure. He's also feeling a bit vulnerable because she has more experience than he does.

So he needs to have a very frank talk with his lady to discuss how the sex with her ex's was, how she feels about them, what she learned from them, and so on.

So he can come to grips with himself.

[fassol]

Originally Posted by EvilEvilKitten

LOL (This is a little rude)


fassol - 50 years from now - yes, they can still be enjoying a very rich and rewarding sex life. Her hormones have upped her libido and his years have finally added wisdom to his technique.

Sexual compatibility is JUST AS important as any other kind of compatibility.

His question isn't really about "just sex with another person". His question is really about him facing his future and feeling a bit insecure. He's also feeling a bit vulnerable because she has more experience than he does.

So he needs to have a very frank talk with his lady to discuss how the sex with her ex's was, how she feels about them, what she learned from them, and so on.

So he can come to grips with himself.

I never once implied that the sex-life wouldn't be "rich and rewarding".

I said:

"Imagine 50 years down the road when sex will not be as energetic or nearly as frequent as it is now."

I also said that if there are no complaints in his current sex-life, then I'm assuming that they are (sexually) physically compatible. Which means that everything else is simply communication.

Ie: Their sexual compatibility can be worked on and improved.

That aside, what more do you want if you also love them for who they are?

I agree with your second part. His question definitely stems from his insecurity of the quantity of this sexual partners. However, what I'm probing at with my questions to him, is, is he truly looking for quantity or quality?

[EvilEvilKitten]

But fassol if you agree as to the meaning of his question - why are you even asking quality or quantity - because to do so is nonsense.