Being the "Owner's Son"

[masse7326]

My parents opened up a pool hall/bar/restaurant about a year and a half ago. When we opened up, I was 19 years old and let me tell you, my social skills sucked. I mean it, they did. LOL. Over the years, I have grown a lot from it. I have learned how two-faced some people can be. Like, bartenders stealing approximately $30,000 from you by: not ringing up items, pouring doubles and ringing up 1 shot, etc. Anyways...

I always thought that being the owner's son, girls "would want to **** you" but they tend to say, "**** you". It's really difficult when you're young and hire girls your age but me dating girls who we hire but a whole new aspect on the "employee dating" concept.

Does anybody have any experience in this? Any advice?

BTW, I don't go to college because I work 24/7. I can only get days off when someone can fill in my space.

I just need help here because I'm getting a lot more lonely lately but I do need a social life/love life.

~s~

[dancingdoc2]

Service businesses can be rewarding yet at the same time a lot of long hard work with no thanks.

I suggest you hire one or more people to fill in. If you want time off, you'll have to "plan your work and work your plan". Fast food restaurants try to have several people in reserve who can be called in to work. I suggest trying to hire someone who can work for you and anybody else so you can all have days off. If you do not do this or rationalize that it is too expensive, then all y'all will be working yourself to exhaustion and complaining all the while.

Once you get your days off my advice to you is the same as for anybody else. Get involved in outside activities like hobby related clubs, sports activities, etc., in which women also participate. Inform family members and friends that you want to socialize and date. The more people you have looking the better your chances. Stay away from dating services, especially online connections unless you find local contacts; no long distance dating.

You cannot stay home and expect someone to find you. It is possible that customers will find you attractive and engage you in conversation; however, unless they know you are management, they probably will not be too open just because they know you are under the gun. How outgoing are you? Practice. It is good for business and it will be good for your socialization.

[masse7326]

The problem with hiring people to replace me and my parents is finding people who are trustworthy. Being able to hand someone over the keys to the place and trust them is COMPLETELY different than just "hiring people". It's just stressful, that's all and more mental stress than anything else.

[dancingdoc2]

I see. I was guessing that the spare fill-in person would be under a manager and not alone. If you mean than you have need of another manager person, then I suggest getting busy and training someone just like they do in the fast food industry. If you want time off, you gotta get someone on board and trained. If you are worried about theft, install video cameras and a recorder.

[sera300]

I know awhile back Masse you were into cross dressing, etc. is this holding you back from getting out there & meeting people?

[masse7326]

I'm still into c/ding but lately, being treated/acting like a male, makes me more into females and less into men. I guess I needed to c/d so I can see I do have a femme side to me but it truthfully helped me blossom into a man. Weird but I hope you understand.

Installing cams, we already have. We do liquor counts but it's just........We hired a female, 18 yr old, but I'm afraid of asking her out because of the whole employee dating but being the owner's son puts a whole new spin on it.

[sera300]

Sort of tough being in the position you are; however, years ago I dated the "owners son"...we went to college together as well. Similarly, he had little time free. Later I left there to work elsewhere b/c his father was making an issue out of him being too serious.

Keep in mind, how much of your personal life do you want around where you work? Especially, do you want the c/d part out? If you date someone at work & get serious, she finds out, you might be public and with added tales.

If c/d'ing it makes you happy so be it. I know for a while you were curious of where you fit in life, apparently found women are your attraction. I seriously see no real issue with dating someone from work; however, one must be prepared to leave if you split, etc. Not a good practice but in the area you are in, as long as your father as the owner is not dating her, you really are an employee of your father's. Either way you do need some social life, just keep it professional during work hours...

[masse7326]

I don't want the c/d part of me out. It'd be out if I chose for it to be.

I need a social life but being the "owner's son" is alot more difficult than it appears to be. I hate it how it has warped my mind of people being two-faced and I am trying for it not to affect me...

[sera300]

Originally Posted by masse7326

I don't want the c/d part of me out. It'd be out if I chose for it to be.

This is something you need to come to terms with--how do you handle that part of your life if dating someone intimately. Difficult to conceal your entire life. So the next question is; if intimate & close to a woman are you willing to forget about it, can you forget about it? Imagine the shock of someone showing up, or a wife finding out. Thoughts for the future.

I need a social life but being the "owner's son" is alot more difficult than it appears to be. I hate it how it has warped my mind of people being two-faced and I am trying for it not to affect me...

Yes, being the son of a business person has sacrifices. The next question is are you expected to take over in time? Or is the expectation to find your own way? What do you want? My former b/f was raised to take over and did so. He is still sacrificing his home life for the business.

Realization is people have multiple sides, take things at face value, and trust very few. As you say being "two faced" is part of life in business, corporate, friendships, etc. It's not that it;s warping you--you are just seeing people for what they are or you expect people to be different. Time, allows you to come to terms with this as you mature.

[constantlylearning]

I respectfully disagree with Sera's stance on the business situation. It is
a priviledge to inherit or takeover a family owned business. Especially one
that is very successful and has allowed a family to provide secruity for it's
members. I am in intimately familiar with these situations and one has to
understand there is a duty if the road is chosen to continue the legacy. It
is also something of value to be able to leave things of value for your loved
one's. It is a priviledge laced with responsibility. Just my two cents.