Cheating

[and2premiere]

Ok, so I just need adivice.

My girlfriend of 3 year told me that a guy kissed her. She said he saw him coming but she didn't want to make him look stupid by moving away. They were pretty good friends, and my GF admitted to liking him before about 2 years ago.

She also admitted to kissing him the second time. They were talking casually and she said it just happened. She said that she didn't know what she was thinking when she moved in. As soon as their lips met she said she could only think about me. It was like a 3 second kiss cuz she pulled back.

Both times she was the one that pulled back. The second time she wasn't intending to kiss him, but it happened while they were talking. I kinda forgive her because she was thinking about me during the kiss and that stopped her. She admits to still liking the guy, but she never said she wanted to leave me. I gave her a chance to break up 4 times and she never took it. We went on break and she told me she wanted us to get back together the next day.

She felt really bad about the whole situation and couldn't eat the whole time she held it in. I had graduation, so she didn't tell me until a week later. I think it was an innocent kiss because it was not a french kiss, and there were no feelings attached to it. It's not like she wanted to kiss him so bad and she did it.

[fassol]

Originally Posted by and2premiere

Ok, so I just need adivice.

My girlfriend of 3 year told me that a guy kissed her. She said he saw him coming but she didn't want to make him look stupid by moving away. They were pretty good friends, and my GF admitted to liking him before about 2 years ago.

She also admitted to kissing him the second time. They were talking casually and she said it just happened. She said that she didn't know what she was thinking when she moved in. As soon as their lips met she said she could only think about me. It was like a 3 second kiss cuz she pulled back.

Both times she was the one that pulled back. The second time she wasn't intending to kiss him, but it happened while they were talking. I kinda forgive her because she was thinking about me during the kiss and that stopped her. She admits to still liking the guy, but she never said she wanted to leave me. I gave her a chance to break up 4 times and she never took it. We went on break and she told me she wanted us to get back together the next day.

She felt really bad about the whole situation and couldn't eat the whole time she held it in. I had graduation, so she didn't tell me until a week later. I think it was an innocent kiss because it was not a french kiss, and there were no feelings attached to it. It's not like she wanted to kiss him so bad and she did it.

You're rationalizing. I think you should have a serious talk with your girlfriend. Kisses don't just happen if there are no feelings behind them. Especially more than once. How old are you? I'm assuming 17 or 18 due to you mentioning "graduation", and the level of your spelling and grammar in your post. If this is true, I'd suggest reading around the board for others that have made posts at a similar age as you, and the replies they have recieved from dancingdoc2. He gives good advice about how at that age you should see many different people at the same time on a more casual basis rather than one steady girlfriend/boyfriend. This is to give you more experience and also help you figure out exactly what you seek in a partner. I'd suggest breaking up with your girlfriend and giving this a try. I think she's already started this, herself.

[and2premiere]

Originally Posted by fassol

You're rationalizing. I think you should have a serious talk with your girlfriend. Kisses don't just happen if there are no feelings behind them. Especially more than once. How old are you? I'm assuming 17 or 18 due to you mentioning "graduation", and the level of your spelling and grammar in your post. If this is true, I'd suggest reading around the board for others that have made posts at a similar age as you, and the replies they have recieved from dancingdoc2. He gives good advice about how at that age you should see many different people at the same time on a more casual basis rather than one steady girlfriend/boyfriend. This is to give you more experience and also help you figure out exactly what you seek in a partner. I'd suggest breaking up with your girlfriend and giving this a try. I think she's already started this, herself.

She said she was attracted to him, which is understandable because I have wanted to kiss other girls too. Is an innocent kiss really worth breaking a 3 year relationship. I feel it has made us a stronger couple because he was a pretty good guy and she had a chance with him. She just wanted to be with me. She said she wanted to kiss him, but she doesn't know why she let it happen. Can I just look at is as a mistake because it wasn't a make out session, and she stopped because of me. So, she obviously cares about me. I'm also her first boyfriend.

[fassol]

Originally Posted by and2premiere

She said she was attracted to him, which is understandable because I have wanted to kiss other girls too. Is an innocent kiss really worth breaking a 3 year relationship. I feel it has made us a stronger couple because he was a pretty good guy and she had a chance with him. She just wanted to be with me. She said she wanted to kiss him, but she doesn't know why she let it happen. Can I just look at is as a mistake because it wasn't a make out session, and she stopped because of me. So, she obviously cares about me. I'm also her first boyfriend.

Not to sound like a broken record, but again - you are rationalizing! Humans are not rational animals. We are rationalizing animals.

That said, even though I understand and have empathy for how you're feeling in this situation, from the information you have given it really sounds like you should break off the relationship and see other people. Or, talk about entering an open relationship where you see her and others at the same time. This may be extremely difficult to do however since you have already been in a (nearly) exclusive relationship for 3 years. I really think it would do you good to break it off and see other people. And who knows, you may one day come back to her. Also, realize that you're still growing mentally and emotionally. By seeing other people you'd gain invaluable knowledge about yourself, what works for you, and what you truely desire in a partner.

[Ducy]

A three year relationship...did you graduate high school? Or college....At this stage in your life, there is no need for serious relationships. You should date and have fun. And the fact that she has kissed him twice, admits to liking him, and still sees him just shows that she is really trying "oh so hard" to be only with you

[Gorgeous Mistake]

If you're with the whle monogamous relationships, dump her. If you don't care who she kisses or has sex with, keep her. I'm certain your girlfriend is faking the whole being upset act, just a dramatization. You gave her a chance to break up with you and she didn't, it means nothing. You're being tricked and played, she's playing mind games. "Oh I didn't want to kiss him but I just did" .. it's a pile of crap.

[curious_woman]

I'm sorry but I have to be blunt.

Its just a kiss.

Many friends and family give each other light pecks on the lips, its really no big deal. As Ducy said though, if you're just graduating high school you should really see what else is out there, before trapping yourself in one relationship. If you do break up with her though, tell her its not because of that because it shouldn't be! Its not like she went and had a make out session with him, its just a innocent peck on the lips, it might mean something for both of them but the important thing is it didn't go any further.

[and2premiere]

well, the whole thing is that he tried kissing her the first time. The second time she went in but she was only thinking about me, she wanted to pull back but he had already closed in also. If she had a horrible feeling from the start, I don't think it's worth breaking up over. If you ask a handful of girls when they felt bad, they are either going to say after it happened or not at all.

We are humans and I understand that. I was close myself too, but she never was. I feel this is the make or break situation. They were good friends and they don't feel like the kiss was anything that's why they still talk. If she felt good about the kiss, or was hanging out with him so she could kiss him, then I feel that is cheating. A moment where you get yourself into a situation you can't pull back from is not cheating to me. It's all about the intent from the beginning. The kiss was not sensual at all and it only lasted for a short short time..I'm talking a peck here and/ or there. I'm graduated from college.

[arutha]

It depends. Can you trust her now, after that has happened? If yes, you could stay with her, if no then definitely end it. I would end it if my gf cheated on me, if they'll do it once they'd do it again, especially if you forgive easily. As mentioned, get out there and get some experience. I wouldn't keep her as friends with benefits just yet, that would make it harder. But if you break for a few months, then are both over each other and willing, then no problem there.

[and2premiere]

ok 2 questions to everyone?

What does it mean when you start liking someone only after they tell you they like you?
Also, what is defined as cheating and do you think not wanting to hurt the other persons feelings is a legit excuse (meaning that they did not enjoy the kiss whatsoever)?