girl making the first move?

[sunshowers]

Long story short ----> a friend that I have known/been interested in for 2 years split with his long-time serious girlfriend a couple of months ago. He and I began talking again (he initiated the contact) and I sort of helped him through the breakup. We have been talking pretty regularly since then. I just got home from school for the year, and last weekend I invited him out for coffee. We went to this cool, somewhat romantic dessert place and had a great time. Not too awkward for the first time we had been out alone together, but there was definitely a little tension - was it a date? was it just friends? I was kind of dressed-up, we shared a rich chocolate dessert, he paid, walked me to my car, etc. It sort of felt like a date - I didn't try to push for a kiss or anything at the end, and when we got to my car he seemed really nervous. He said he would like to go out again next weekend (the next time he was in town) and I agreed.

- He just got out of a serious relationship, and from what I can tell, isn't ready to enter another serious relationship. He does, however, talk about wanting to date again soon.
- I am leaving for 2 months in a couple of weeks, which I think is good for us, since he still needs some more time to figure things out.
- We are going out again this weekend, and even though there are all of these "complicated" questions, I am thinking of making a move on him. His ex cheated on him when they were living together, so I think he's feeling a little bit like a cuckold and has his pride hurt. I doubt he feels comfortable enough to make a move on me.
- I see nothing wrong with two people who clearly enjoy spending time together enjoying a little make-out while they are trying to figure things out. Having fun is important, right?

Am I wrong about this? Guys - would you feel weirded out if a girl made the first move? I really like this guy and have for quite some time.

[sera300]

Did you have fun? Did you enjoy the other's company? If the answer is yes...go again. Don't worry about what it's called. You have plans and he does. Have some fun, no serious stuff. Call it a date...most likely.

[Ephemera]

You might want to give it a week to see if he gets back together with her.

They'll often do that. Don't waste your time with someone who clings to another person.

[EvilEvilKitten]

In this case - DON'T:

no moves on him, no long-term plans, no calling it a date

why?

Because HE has to have time to sort himself out and you do not want him until he steps up and asks you for a closer relationship. He will ask when he's ready.

[Mr. Saint]

I think it is really cool when a girl makes the first move on me. As for you making the first move, I would be cautious. He may not be ready to move on. What I think would be the best thing to do would be to keep talking and “going out” with him. Try to make it as obvious as possible that you like him with out coming right out and saying it; us guys can be pretty dense. When you are gone try to call him a lot so he continues to think about you when you are gone. As for kissing him, take it slow. If the moment comes up when it seems really natural for you two to kiss I would say go for it, other wise take it slow and don’t worry about who the one making the first move.

[Brandye]

You really do not want to be in a rebound relationship. Keep it cool until you get back from your little trip. Generally, I see nothing wrong with the woman making the moves; in this case Evil is spot on.

[Cherry Cheesecake]

I agree that you should hold off on this particular guy at least for now, stay in touch but I wouldn't for anything serious if you are going to be gone for that long. There is nothing wrong with a girl making the first move, we get real sick of having to do all the work, things would be a lot easier if more girls were more open about their feelings then waiting around for the guy to come get them.

[sera300]

I agree w/all who posted. However, keep your emotional distance. I agree you don't want to be the rebound person. Meanwhile though enjoying each other's company is fun as long as you do not get attached such as exclusive or b/f--g/f material. To me a "date" is a time set to do something with a male or female friend. If with a person of interest; it's a catch up or get to know you time. Nothing more!!!!

I have gone on "dates" with men who I am interested in yet keep a good distance until a few years have passed--we each have our own lives. If you consider this a romantic date???? NOPE. Date with a friend who is male? Okay & pursue others.

[oedipussy]

Well, I disagree with pretty much everyone except for sera. He's been single for A COUPLE OF MONTHS now - How much longer does he have to wait? Time for him to move on and start having some fun...

Continue spending time with him (yes, as a date) if you're interested, but hold off on making it a serious relationship for quite awhile. I'd say he probably needs about a year (give or take) to be single and figure out who/what he wants in a relationship. You don't want to rush into anything here...

[sera300]

Originally Posted by oedipussy

Well, I disagree with pretty much everyone except for sera. He's been single for A COUPLE OF MONTHS now - How much longer does he have to wait? Time for him to move on and start having some fun...

Continue spending time with him (yes, as a date) if you're interested, but hold off on making it a serious relationship for quite awhile. I'd say he probably needs about a year (give or take) to be single and figure out who/what he wants in a relationship. You don't want to rush into anything here...

You put into words the exact feelings I thought. Why? They have mutual interest for a period of time. Neither are ready fro a LTR--he is fresh out of living w/someone and she is leaving in a few weeks for a few months. Sometimes those who keep the strings loose and at a distance yet in touch do well. Why? You find you are friends first!!!