help with a friend and her situation

[gtchamp7]

This is a bit complicated (or at least I think it is).

About a year ago I started talking to Sarah, a friend of my friend, and after about a month, we started going out. Just a normal relationship at first, so I won't bore you with details. Although I will state, we were both 14 at the time of this whole 'story'.

About 4 months in, we were texting each other and she confessed to cheating on me the night before, and wanted to take a "break". I was fine with her cheating on me (it was not anything serious, he had just kissed her and she "kissed him back") and was fine with a break.

She ended up going out with the guy she had cheated on me with (his name is Michael), and at first I was fine with it. Then, one day, she called me and she was crying hysterically and she told me that Michael had hit her. When I say "he hit her", I mean that he literaly "he punched her".

I was ready, and willing, to kill him. Now, Sarah was not a girlfriend, but she was still a very good friend. For the next 3 days, she did nothing but profess her hate for him.

After that 3 day period, she was going out with him again and telling me how much she loved him. This same exact situation (him hitting her, her crying to me, her loving him) happened 2 more times, and I was completely fed up with it.

Now, keep in mind that I was 14 and thus I could not drive, and thus, I could not kill Michael. I will not lie to you, I literaly felt the urge to kill this son of a bitch. So, I stopped talking to her, which lasted about 3 months.

We started talking again. After about 1 week, she told me that she had sex with Michael (he took her virginity). At this, I was angrier than I have ever been. She gave her virginity to the guy who had hurt her physically and emotionally.

For a month she did nothing but talk about how much Michael and her were having sex, until one day she called me, once again, crying and telling me how Michael hit her again. This time, I wanted to try and go out with her again so that there would be no chance that she would get back with Michael.

So, we went to a movie and afterwards went back to her house. We just hung out and watched movies, until about 8, she wanted to take a nap with me (these were her words and I was confused because it was 8 PM).

After about 15 minutes, she asked me if I wanted to have sex. Naturally, I was confused, but I did want to, but at the same time, I was very aprehensive. I sat on the floor talking to myself (yes, a bit strange), about the consequences and how this would affect both Sarah and I, for about 15 minutes.

In the end, we ended up having sex (my first time) and after it ended, she was sobbing because she thought that she was a whore. I kept reassuring her that she was not.

Well the day after that ordeal, she was professing her love for Michael, yet again. Now, after about a month, she was crying on my shoulder about Michael hitting her.

After about a month of avoiding Michael, she sent me a text message telling me that she had sex with Michael again. At this point, I snapped and just used every insult I could conjur up and just 'went off' on her.

Short answer of it is, she hates me.

I really don't know why I posted this, as I don't really have a 'specific question' to ask. I guess I am just trying to make sense of it all and to know where to take this becasue I want to be her friend, but if she keeps this up with Michael, then we can't be friends.

Thank You For Any Help,
Will Griffith

[emilie]

This girl is needs a serious boot in the backside. He needs a lesson in repercussions of actions.

The reason he keeps hitting her and getting away with it is because she lets him! This isn't the dark ages anymore, people don't have to put up with this crap nowdays. She is CHOOSING to stay in this and be manipulated by him.
Don't play the knight in shining armour. It does nothing to help.

Get in contact with a person of authority (mum, dad, big bro) and tell them what's going on. Heck, tell ANYONE who will listen, even your own folks. He needs to be charged and she needs some lessons in self worth and getting a spine.

If it keeps going, cut off contact for your own self protection.

[sera300]

I agree w/ emilie...best off to tell your parents of hers regarding the hitting. Tell someone if you are in the same school, she is the type which will start to hurt herself--assuming this guy does not do her in.

[gtchamp7]

The weird thing is, her parents know about all of this, and hate Michael, but have done nothing. During the periods where she hates him, she keeps saying thats sge is going to press charges on him, but has done nothing.

The only feasable answer to why she keeps going back to him is that, because he took her virginity, she would be attached to him. Other than that, I have no clue.

Thank You For Your Help,
Will Griffith

[Slayer]

I am going to say this the nicest way possible. That girl, is stupid. She is just like a friend of mine who was with a girl and throughout their relationship she cheated on him 8 times and they were engaged during some of those cheats IMO STUPID on his part. Same thing goes with her she is being stupid for being with a dumbass who has the balls to actually hurt a woman physically. Notice I didn't say emotionally because I believe everyone male or female will go through some emotional anguish. Her parents are even more stupid if thats possible for not doing anything to that little ****! What I am thinking is tell her that if she keeps pulling this **** that you want nothing to do with her, I know thats harsh but maybe that will be the only thing that gets through her thick skull.

Now I realize I may have been a bit harsh with some of my chosen words and I don't mean to attack except for that dumbass woman hitting ass (I have gotten in a lot of fights because of guys hitting woman, nothing pisses me off more) so just keep that in mind as you have finished reading my thoughts.

[sera300]

Originally Posted by gtchamp7

The weird thing is, her parents know about all of this, and hate Michael, but have done nothing. During the periods where she hates him, she keeps saying thats sge is going to press charges on him, but has done nothing.

The only feasable answer to why she keeps going back to him is that, because he took her virginity, she would be attached to him. Other than that, I have no clue.

Thank You For Your Help,
Will Griffith

I would steer clear of her & him. Honestly if she is a minor, I would talk to your local law enforcement and say all you described here or call the anonymous Child Protect Service in you area 1-800---[I don't know yours]. Why? There may also be internal household abuse. Let the cops look into it or the CPS welfare & your name is not mentioned.

http://www.reportchildabuse.com/

[demonbuttercup]

Yeah it's bad enough to be in an abusive relationship.... but to be in one at age 14/15?!?
I can't even comprehend that.
What 15 yr old kid gets his rocks off by abusing another kid?? He definitely has some issues!!
I am assuming Michael is close to your age??

[sera300]

The more I think about this being a "mandated reporter" myself; there are more issues you may not be aware of:

1-Verbal, emotional, physical abuse in the household either against one parent or her.

2-Addiction issues in the household where no one wishes to show these to the outside world.

3-They as parents fear she may run away.

4-Self abuse for attention.


PLEASE call the hot-line, it's confidential, your name is never mentioned, and you can rest knowing you may save her life or at best change it. You can have a clear consciousness. No one will know it was you when they investigate the home.

[maradonnaie]

you need to take care of yourself bro...break away from the whole situation there's nothing you can do if she doesnt want the help herself...

[sera300]

Originally Posted by maradonnaie

you need to take care of yourself bro...break away from the whole situation there's nothing you can do if she doesnt want the help herself...

That's great if a 14 or 15 y/o female was capable of making such choices--apparently even her father & mother are not willing to show her what is proper behavior or intervene. You only know what you are taught in home. In fact, her parental lack of action shows it's okay, we just look the other way. Poor self-respect apparently is exhibited in the household.

Calling a hot-line is not getting in the way. FYI to the OP; did her school not notice????