Why?

[1overanalyzer]

How come being upfront and honest with someone, and not playing mind games, is such a hard thing for some women these days?

For example...about a month and a half ago, an attractive gal gave me her number on my last day of work, then we started hanging out. And talked a whole frakking lot too (practically every day since we first hung out). Then we go out for ice cream, have a great time, click in a lotta ways I never thought possible (such as having similar personality quirks to the point of being scary). Then, I ask her out to dinner. She says yes, two days later she cancels citing roommate issues. The next week comes, I ask her out again, find out she has a boyfriend (I was none the wiser) when she says no, get confused. The week after that, (we've still been talking a lot), we go out on a pseudo-hanging out date that turns into a fullblown date. We hold hands, cuddle, and if I were the kind of guy that my father is, it would've gone the whole way. I had more than ample opportunity to do it, but didn't. The cuddling and such should've felt wrong to me, but didn't, so I freaked a bit. Opened up to her, told her that the situation made me uncomfortable, then we decide to be just friends. It gets better... Last night, after this revelation that we should just be friends, she tells me that if we are to hang out again, she wants me to talk to her boyfriend and get his permission for the two of us to hang out. It wasn't her boyfriend's choice for this, it was Hers...so I stew over it last night and most of today. I told her that if she wants to hang out with me then she should talk to her boyfriend instead of me, because I can't put myself into that kind of uncomfortable situation and actually cause friction between people. And frankly, doing something like that would compromise the kind of person I am, because it would leave a backdoor as it were for cheating, and I don't need to do that.

Do I do the right thing by telling her to basically live her own life? Am I wrong for trying to protect myself and my happiness at the expense of someone else who I liked? Should I just throw away what could be a decent friendship all because of my odd notion of honor? Or am I just frakking crazy and need to stop thinking?

A thousand apologies for my long-winded post. I kinda just had to get it off my chest.

[sera300]

You are playing with young women. Cheating is held for those either married or exclusive on the way to the alter. The rest is dating--finding what you like in a person.

Her issue is uncertainty. Yours is wishing to make all "cuddly" rather then stating what you do want from her. Perhaps she felt a kinship/friendship and not romance with you? Or she is too insecure to see whats out there shifting out of a "comfort" zone.

Her actions should be a "reg flag" to you!

[emilie]

To be honest, you two sound very alike.

You find out she has a boyfriend yet you don't respect that.
You catch up do all the cuddles and hand holding. By your own admission you said it was a date. You go on about how you could have hooked up with her but just couldn't bring yourself to do it.
You say you don't want to be in the middle, yet you are willingly putting yourself there.

You're questioning if such notions of honour and integrity are bad things???

Dude, look in the mirror. You're just as big a head case as her!

[EvilEvilKitten]

Why are you being exclusive? You should be dating more than just this girl. First of all stop talking with her so much. No more hanging-out. Nope! If she wants to be with you then she has to be with you and not with some bf from whom she feels she has to ask permission. Face it: she is NOT married to him so he has no rights over her. Her time and her life is her own. When a girl tells you such stuff - THAT'S the red flag because it means she's a doormat at worst or a flaky chick at best. Just stand aside and be LESS AVAILABLE to her.

The bottomline is this: she has to step up or step off.