It's been a while...

[sera300]

Originally Posted by amethyst exchange

I don't know who I want to be. Largely because I want to be no one. I don't want to be passionate, because when people are passionate they get a drive...and when they get a drive they get manipulative. I don't want to lust, because then it means I don't know if I'm doing something for her because I want to have sex with her...or if it's because I want to be nice to her...for being who she is. That's why lust scares me...it makes me manipulative...and I don't want to be that.

No, that's just a narrow approach, a generalization. True love endures & flourishes.

[oedipussy]

I think you should do a search for a poster by the name of Quint Notwen and take a look at the pathetic road that you're headed down in life. Your posts remind me a lot of his bleak, self-hating, sociopathic view on life. In fact, I'm not at all convinced that you're not the same person using a different screenname...

NOTHING TO SEE HERE, FOLKS - just your average "I want to be different" kid who wants think that he's some kind of tortured, misunderstood soul that the whole world has mistreated.

[sera300]

Originally Posted by oedipussy

I think you should do a search for a poster by the name of Quint Notwen and take a look at the pathetic road that you're headed down in life. Your posts remind me a lot of his bleak, self-hating, sociopathic view on life. In fact, I'm not at all convinced that you're not the same person using a different screenname...

NOTHING TO SEE HERE, FOLKS - just your average "I want to be different" kid who wants think that he's some kind of tortured, misunderstood soul that the whole world has mistreated.

Reminds me of Quint..thought that before.

[oedipussy]

Glad I'm not the only one who picked up on that...

The feeling I get from reading all these posts is that this guy has made up a warped persona for himself because he's afraid of being a real person. So he plays pretend instead. All of these "issues" seem to be totally self-created. I'm 100% certain that he wants to have these issues. I guess having problems gives some people a sense of purpose or something?

Such a sad way to live. There are so many truly beautiful things out there to experience in life. The fact that someone would shut themselves out of all of that makes absolutely no sense to me...

[amethyst exchange]

Originally Posted by oedipussy

NOTHING TO SEE HERE, FOLKS - just your average "I want to be different" kid who wants think that he's some kind of tortured, misunderstood soul that the whole world has mistreated.

I don't necessarily think the world has mistreated me, though. That being said, I don't want to sacrifice myself to the machine...so to speak, just to be happy. I mean isn't it better to be yourself and flawed than someone else and well not?

I guess the part of me that doesn't want to change is the neurosis...because for the longest time I've defined myself by the loneliness and the guilt and everything else that I don't really know anything else about myself. I'm afraid that if I lose that stuff, that I'll have nothing left to be.

I mean you're right in that I may be making some of this up, but only in the way that anyone who's intensely shy, or self-loathing or whatever, tends to overinflate whatever it is that makes them that way, tends to imagine failures or insults or manipulations.

It's just extremely difficult to see the world in any other way...

[EvilEvilKitten]

The fact remains that you are wimping out because lust = bestial=sex - well, you have seen the results of that. The women go elsewhere! Thus your behavior reinforces your ideas. You have created and continue this trap because you FEAR.

Fear is your problem and all you have to do is : do what you fear to do and damn the devil to do his worse! Change how you define yourself! LET GO AND LIVE!

There's nothing wrong with lust!! I rather enjoy it!! *EG*

[amethyst exchange]

Originally Posted by EvilEvilKitten

The fact remains that you are wimping out because lust = bestial=sex - well, you have seen the results of that. The women go elsewhere! Thus your behavior reinforces your ideas. You have created and continue this trap because you FEAR.

Fear is your problem and all you have to do is : do what you fear to do and damn the devil to do his worse! Change how you define yourself! LET GO AND LIVE!

There's nothing wrong with lust!! I rather enjoy it!! *EG*

I think you may be right. Though I don't know about nothing being wrong with lust...I'll concede that it's useful.

I get scared. For various reasons...none of them truly important. I also disrespect those who try to form relationships with me...because...I turn them down...because I don't trust their judgment in me. If I respected them, I'd trust them...and I wouldn't need them to crutch me up...so to speak.

Besides that, it's disrespectful to myself to think I need someone to crutch me up. I'm perfectly capable of living by myself (I think I've proven that much at least). I'm a bit clever, I can be kind, and sweet and gentle...and while I'm not an Adonis by any measure of the imagination....I can be...(no...I am) a bit attractive...I could even be sexy if I simply asserted myself rather than being passive.

As they say, there's a whole new world out there...And an old world to see with new eyes...filled with joy and pain and yo-yos with the sparkly bits...and sex...and intimacy...and warmth..oh the warmth and that tingly sensation when someone touches your skin...oh I love that too!

The question becomes how do I assert this without having it blow up in my face. Do I just walk up to her and say, 'You know, I've been keeping you away from me...because I didn't think you could deal with me....but you know what...I was wrong' and then just give her a big whoppin' kiss...or...do I just let this whole new thing settle and stabilize before I go off and do something a bit overly reckless that could undermine the whole revolution?

[TZFBird]

Not to be overstepping my bounds here, but you claim you spend all this time alone and secluded yourself from everyone.
You sound as if you have everything going for you.
*You obviously have the social skills judging by all the posts you have made and the way they are written.
*A bit of self confidence if you can admit that you can be sexy at times. I don't think that is something I usually just come out and say to others.
*You are respectful, maybe to much so, since you hold women to such a high regard as to feel that if you have any sexual thoughts that it is going to inhibit your 'true' actions towards them. I really hope you arn't throwing away a chance to be happy because of that.
All you have left is your sense of humor.

The part I like the most out of all of this is telling the truth.

The question becomes how do I assert this without having it blow up in my face. Do I just walk up to her and say, 'You know, I've been keeping you away from me...because I didn't think you could deal with me....but you know what...I was wrong'

She can accept it or drop it by just telling her the truth. If it turns out good you have been worrying for nothing, otherwise she will not like you and you are happy once again for not lusting after her.

I also agree on seeking some sort of professional help. Even if it's free and they can't help you 100%, you are not a lost cause because you tried.

[amethyst exchange]

Originally Posted by TZFBird

Not to be overstepping my bounds here, but you claim you spend all this time alone and secluded yourself from everyone.
You sound as if you have everything going for you.

I socialize online...but it doesn't count does it.

*You obviously have the social skills judging by all the posts you have made and the way they are written.

Good writing skills are not indicative of a social life.

*A bit of self confidence if you can admit that you can be sexy at times. I don't think that is something I usually just come out and say to others.

Nah, not really. I can muster it, sort of. Self-confidence I can muster but it doesn't last very long (usually failing somewhere around facing the person I'm confessing to.

*You are respectful, maybe to much so, since you hold women to such a high regard as to feel that if you have any sexual thoughts that it is going to inhibit your 'true' actions towards them. I really hope you arn't throwing away a chance to be happy because of that.

It isn't really respect though is it. I dismiss them because of fear, becuase I don't think they could handle me...I'm talking down to them like children.

All you have left is your sense of humor.

I have a sense of humor...

The part I like the most out of all of this is telling the truth.

She can accept it or drop it by just telling her the truth. If it turns out good you have been worrying for nothing, otherwise she will not like you and you are happy once again for not lusting after her.

Yeah, shame I could never say that to her for real. I just lie and say, 'Oh, you wouldn't like me...I'm boring'.

[EvilEvilKitten]

You just DO it! Even if it blows up in your face, you KEEP on DOING it!
"Hi, I'm _____."
"What do you especially like about ____?"
carry on a conversation for 15 minutes then say
"It was nice meeting you,___. I'd like to see you again. May I have your number?"

Wait until the day after next and then call her/him and ask out for coffee (or whatever).