kinda confusing...just need some help

[SmilingInside]

k so i was dating this guy just about 2 yrs ago for like 3 months. we were kinda close for about a yr before we were going out. our 4th month of dating he cheated on me. so we broke up and he stayed with that girl. hes still with that girl. me and him rarely speak anymore, but when we do we have like deep conversations about my (now ex-)boyfriend (a different one, not him), his current girlfriend, life, marriage and stuff like that. i'd still call us kinda close even tho we dont speak often.
anyway hes been asking me to hang out these past few days. i keep turning him down but we hung out one night and just saw a movie and talked a little and it was cool. then the next night he wantd to hang out again. so we did and his friend was there (i've met his friend before, i dont know him too well though) and we didnt even go anywhere, jus sat in his car. the 3 of us smoked and then he basically told me he wantd to do stuff. like...i don t really know what he wantd to do but he was talking abt goin 2 a strip club and it would get me in the mood and how there was 2 good lookin guys (him n his friend), so i dont really know what he was talking about but i know it was stuff that his GIRLFRIEND wouldnt approve of!! i even said to him waht would ur girlfriend say!? and he goes i dont really careee im sick of her! i had to go so i just said no and left lol...
now i know this whole situation was bad, i just want to hear what u guys have to say? im just like confused abt it all

[Ducy]

Walk away, cuz he is just trying to get in your pants. He said it all right there. He wanted to take you to a strip club, cuz he thought it would make you horny, and then you would **** him and his friend.

Sounds like a pig

[dancingdoc2]

Well put, Ducy.

You do not need to see this guy again, especially without knowing what his status is with the other girl. Gee, I wonder if he cheated on her to spend time with you?

As for cheating, it technically is not because dating is not a contract and so even though a couple may be dating exclusively, if one or the other of you date someone else it is not really cheating. Be that as it may, this is one good reason why dating should not be an exclusive.

[bluetide76]

If dating isnt exclusive how do you build the trust factor with a relationship? Like I understand that you should get a view of what all is out there to find what fits you best, but if you are dating many people and the girl you are falling for does as well, then how can you trust she wouldnt do that in the future?

[Ducy]

See the only time its cheating is if you both agree not to do it. If you are cool with open relationships then it is fine.

If you both agree that you will be for each other and only for each other than it would be cheating if you did something with someone else.

You should ask EEK how the open relationship works, like trust and such being built.

[dancingdoc2]

Originally Posted by bluetide76

If dating isnt exclusive how do you build the trust factor with a relationship? Like I understand that you should get a view of what all is out there to find what fits you best, but if you are dating many people and the girl you are falling for does as well, then how can you trust she wouldnt do that in the future?

A couple builds trust to a great extent by using the principle of "Implied Consent" that is talked about in one or two of the articles listed in the Index.

I C works by implication, meaning that if a person (man or woman) wants to be in a relationship, s/he will not be running away, and, to a great extent working to build it by contributing time, talent, and energy to the relationship. In other words, in your case, she is there because she wants to be and the same with you. If you are working on making the relationship work, as is she, and not throwing out "negative vibes", then do not question whether or not the relationship is working. It is because neither party is trying to stop it.

The same goes for dating and "how far can I go with her". You go as far as you can testing her boundaries and when she does not want you to go further, she will say or otherwise indicate that you have gone far enough. This and more is discussed in an article on dating.

Exclusivity in a relationship is by mutual cooperation, not by decree. A decree or agreement to date no one else is the juvenile or immature way of handling a relationship. Moreover, such an agreement to exclusivity does not necessarily mean that the couple will work together to make the relationship work well. It is mostly a way to prop up a person's insecurities with self.

[Mokajoe]

Dump him. UGH!!! He sounds like a friend w/ benefits. Why is he so stupid?

[sera300]

He was looking for you to be the 'good time girl' for a threesome...without his g/f. You, him, and his male friend.

[xkatex]

Get out while you still can. He cheated on you, now hes planning on cheating on his gf. Good boyfriends dont talk bad behind their girlfriends back like he did. Hes making it sound like "poor me" by the sounds of it. Easiest thing to do is to cut off all conteact completely. Your just a booty call he think will be easy to get at. Guarentee if you dont pay any attention to him he'll stop talking to you because your not of for his version of a "fun time".

[EvilEvilKitten]

Why are you confused? This guy is NOT worth your time.
Kick him to the curb!