Lust....

[alankfor01]

Okay: So this story is complicated.
I am currently just starting an old relationship over again. We were dating for almost 5 years until 2007..and then we broke up for a year. We are back together, but there are many problems. We can't have sex...he is uncircumcized and we literally cannot have sex. This has taken a toal on our relationship. I can't just do oral sex. That is not all that I want. I want intercourse...but he cannot give that to me. I am not a sex fiend whatsoever, but I believe sex is very important to an intimate and long-term relationship.
SO. The real problem is that this man who is 10 years old than me, is interested in me. I have never had problems with this before because I have ignored other guys, but not this time I guess. There is a lot of sexual tension between us. I am sure that it is just lust. Like I said, he is 10 years older than me, and he definitely has more experience than I do. I just feel like I am too young to be in such a serious relationship and I hate that I always do this to myself. I love my current boyfriend, but I want to have some fun too.I am not a cheater. I have never cheated in my life, but things are becoming harder and harder. I already hurt this guy and his family once, and I DO NOT want to do it again. I would like some advice from other people who have gone through this? I have no idea what to do. Maybe it's just a bad day?

[Confusedone]

why can't he have sex? i missed something sorry for being ignorant

[sera300]

You are behaving like a married woman. One who will not divorce. He cannot have sex, if that is something you are willing to accept in a potential partner, so be it; if not than find someone more suitable to you sexually. See the issue before you are even married????????

[Contessa]

My first thought was, "Wow that's a huge age difference!"

I've always felt uncomfortable about the idea of being in a serious relatoinship with someone who's not around the same age as me. If the person is much older than me I'll feel like there's a power imbalance and if the person is much younger than me I'll feel like a pervert.

Do you think the huge age gap might have something to do with it?

[dancingdoc2]

This was a troubled relationship. This is again a troubled relationship. What is the payoff?

I'm gathering that the foreskin will not retract, is this the reason for not being able to have intercourse or is there something else. If so, what?

Why won't he go and get circumcised? I know it is a male thing to steer clear of the scalpel, so not having intercourse must not be a big deal for him. Because it is a big deal to you then you have to either talk him into having the operation, be satisfied with what he is willing to participate in--or, move on.

[curious_woman]

As doc has said, if he is not willing to make changes to keep you happy, it is better to part with him now, then another 5 years down the line when you are married and pregnant. As for the other man, I'm not sure how old you are, but if you're 20-25, 10 years isn't THAT big of a deal. If you're mature and know what you want in your life, its basically the same as him. The only differences might be he will want marriage/children a bit faster, but hey you barely know the guy you shouldn't worry about that right now. Unless its illegal, I think people worry too much about age. My fiancee is 6 years, actually 6 and a half years older. He just turned 25, and I'm nearly 19. Despite that we agree on what we want with our life and can make decisions that please us both.

In the end, you shouldn't sacrifice something you want for someone else. This applies to both men. If you do end up with the older man, do tell him you're not looking for a serious relationship right away as you just got out of one. Rebound isn't fair, to anyone.

[alankfor01]

I agree with all of you. We cannot have sex because of his foreskin..and it won't retract without a lot of pain for him. I have had sex and have had no problem..so I guess it is all up to him. I am acting like I am married. I have hurt this guy and his family before, and I don't want to do it again.

[sera300]

Originally Posted by alankfor01

I agree with all of you. We cannot have sex because of his foreskin..and it won't retract without a lot of pain for him. I have had sex and have had no problem..so I guess it is all up to him. I am acting like I am married. I have hurt this guy and his family before, and I don't want to do it again.

Five years of dating, initially I thought you wrote 5 months, and no physical intimacy as one would progress to will cause much frustrations. Meaning for both you and he; the fallout is detrimental and can cause people to wonder what's wrong and do things which one would not normally do if in a good & healthy relationship.

His sexual ability is up to him to care for, if you had a issue you would seek medical attention--correct? And his not wishing to than is his matter. Taking this on yourself is not a matter while dating; these sexual issues of inability to work properly are generally seen during marriages [IE: ED or female decline in libido]. If they are present now and he wishes to ignore them, what does that say about his feelings for you and himself??? How does this action [or lack of concern on his behalf] demonstrate his thoughts on sexual intimacy? I must say, as an objective observer, he does not value it highly when dating a woman exclusively for 5 years. Meaning sex is not important to him and his lack of wishing to have sex/make love to you is not a priority. Generally, if this is how it is prior to marriage, it will not become better after, it will continue to decline in importance.

Based on your age, 10 years may or may not matter. Meaning if you are 31 and the person you are looking at is 41--not a big deal. If one is 15 and the other 25? Different story.

[alankfor01]

No. I am a mature, independent and well-rounded fuctioning twenty-year-old. He is thirty.

[sera300]

Originally Posted by alankfor01

No. I am a mature, independent and well-rounded fuctioning twenty-year-old. He is thirty.

So go for it! Be certain to discontinue the current relationship first though!