Break up...need advice

[xkatex]

A friend of mine has been dating this guy for a year and a half on and off. He proposed to her a couple months ago. Bascially heres my view on this whole relationship:

He hates me because she spends "all her time" with me (im pretty much her best friend). Shes not allowed to hang out with me outside of the house unless he is there. Her cell phone must be in his room (they live together) by 11pm. If hes at work it must be on the table when he gets home. He must know all her passwords (computer, cell etc.) So he can check if shes being dishonest (she cant know his). He must know all her friends, who shes talking to on the phone, whos shes texting etc. He goes around asking his friends to "spy" on her to make sure shes not up to no good. Bascially he is super controlling. I tell her its not right...shes claims she knows...but he "loves" her.

Also he is very emotionally abusive. Any fights that happen are her fault. He uses the lines "Why are you doing this to me?" "You so ungrateful" "You making me not want to be with you" "Why cant you ever do anything right" and my favorite "Can you stop crying all the time you make me feel bad" and when she doesnt stop "Oh my god your useless!"

So ya multiple times from multiple people she has been told to leave him. I know his past (he lives in the same small town as i do) And he has a rep for getting around. At a new years party I watched him hit on my little sister (she was 13 at the time).

Now that they are on a "break" which is my opinion is stupid...you dont go on breaks when your "engaged" she is a wreck. I think its just an excuse for him to get around without getting introuble. He has been spending alot of time with this other girl that my friend knows about.

Ive tried so many times and in many ways to give her the courage to leave him. She is very gorgeous and could get any guy she wants. I told her she doesnt need him. But her excuse is that she loves him to death. I think its the fact that since shes put so much effort into the relationship shes scared to leave it all behind. And also the fact that she lives with him and would have no where to go.

Bascially what i am asking is for help on way to let her see that she needs to leave this guy and that its ok to be single and that she will find someone else.

Any help is greatly appreciated
If something needs to be clarified just ask.

[oedipussy]

Dear God - Smack some sense into this idiot girl! She's either too young to be in a relationship or too old to be this stupid...

Unfortunately, you can't really stop someone from being a wimpy moron. I don't think there's anything you can do other than telling her your concerns. After that it's up to her...

[sera300]

You need to talk to her and get her into some counseling. If this is the level of abuse now; it gets worse when married. She needs someone to help her figure why she is lacking self esteem--she requires a professional.

Break during an engagement? They will not get married. If they do she can be certain he will take breaks during their marriage.

You cannot make her see it; however, if she stays, I would separate myself from her. She may be your best friend but the behavior is going to get worse, want to be next?

[xkatex]

Well shes back with him as of today. I got a phone call with her stating that hes taking her out to dinner tonight and that hes "really sorry" for being like he was but he needed to "get his point" across to her.

I know the smart thing to do would be to turn my back and walk away but i cant. I wouldnt be to happy with myself if something happened to her. I told i wasnt happy to hear that and she says she already knows my point of view but she thinks im wrong. My boyfriend is aware of the situation and wants to talk so sense into her as well. I just dont know how to get it across that its only going to get worse. And turning my back is too hard to do at the moment.

[machine_rat]

Sneak her out of the house at some point and show this thread to her, hopefully it'll grow longer between now and then. Show her that all the opinions from around the country, and overseas even, agree that she needs to get out of this abusive relationship.

Some young women can't help but be attracted to the 'bad boy'. Did she have an abusive upbringing? Does she not believe in emotional abuse, actions can only be labeled as abusive if physical contact is made? If she's afraid of being alone, she needs to know that there is always someone else for her out there, that she doesn't need to settle.