Overreacting Parent..

[Morbid]

Okay so today has been bad.

First off I am 18, my gf is 16. I lost my virginity at 14 and hadn't been with anyone since then. Hadn't done anything for 4 years. My gf had never done anything until she turned 16 and I fingered her. This is the only thing we have done and only once. Well her mom has a problem trusting her. She has an older sister that is 21 with 2 kids and her mom just thinks that she will make all the same "mistakes" and end up screwing her life up ( She actually told her that.)

So anyway.. I was over at her house last night sitting in the driveway with her cause her mom won't really let us sit in her room nor will she let us go out together. So we sit in her driveway a lot and just talk n stuff. Well we haven't ever done anything sitting there other than make out. After I left last night I txted her and told her I kinda felt bad for bein all over her cause she didn't seem like she wanted to at first. She wants to do a lot of sexual stuff but she's just nervous. Well after I said that she told me, "It's not your fault it's mine. I need to get over my fears and stop thinking so much and just do what I want to do. I know you have fingered me before and I want to do more, I am just nervous and need a little push."

So today she left her phone in her room while she was at school accidently. I hadn't talked to her all day cause I work while she's at school. I get a call from her mom around 3 and her mom is PISSED. She tells me, "You both have some explaining to do." I thought she was talking about a speeding ticket I got last week, so I asked, "What about?" She just blew up and said she had seen our messages from last night, she knew I had fingered her, she wondered just what are we doing together and that I was pressuring her into doing things. I was just so shocked I didn't know what to say other than that I wasn't lying to her about anything and that we hadn't done anything more than that. Her mom told me that I am never to talk to her again, never to see her again, and have nothing to do with her at all from now on. I was just lost for words and she said when she picked her up from school that she was going to be in trouble. I didn't know what to say and she hung up on me.

Well my gf called me when i got home about an hour ago. Her mom had left so she called me. She is grounded from her best friend which is also a good friend of mine, she can't see or talk to me ever again, she had her cell phone taken away. She was crying in her room from the time her mom brought it up and her mom asked her, "You going to just sit in your room and cry all night?" And she had said, "Yeah." She told her mom, "The only way things are going to get any better is if you let me see him again."

So I just don't know what to do. We don't want to break up. I'm willing to stay with her even if we can't see each other for a long time and only can talk here or there.. Her moms gotta let up eventually.. I think she's willing to do the same as well. We are in love.. truly. And I don't wanna hear that I or she is too young to be in love cause that's crap. You can't put an age limit on feelings. We have been together now for almost 4 months and her mom was trying to say she was trusting us more and letting us be together more, but to me if she went through her cell phone intentionally looking for msgs between us then that's not trust at all...

I just don't know what to do here.. Have any of u had this happen? I mean doing all this over just fingering, when her mom herself had 3 kids by the time she was 21. To me you can't stop things like this from happening. They are natural and you can't ignore it. You can only be a good parent and trust your child to be responsible with their decisions and trust that they will handle it maturely if it is to happen.

[demonbuttercup]

I think maybe THAT is just it... that she saw herself and her older sister makes those mistakes.
YOU might not be like most guys... but alot of guys your age are just looking for sex.

I agree the mom shouldn't have went through the cell phone... but also.. if you have those kind of msgs on your cell.... you should probably delete them and remember not to leave it laying around.
I mean I am sure parents can wonder what their children are doing sexually... but NO ONE wants to actually read that their 16 yr old daughter was fingered...etc... you know?!?

4 months is still sort of early...and you said this was your first "real" relationship after being home schooled.
You aren't just given trust... you have to EARN trust... The older sister may have just made things a lot harder for your g/f...and therefore the mom is being more strict on her.

[sera300]

This is why keeping your life personal is just that...not sending messages without deleting them. Additionally, this is a typical reaction when you date women with such age gaps...you are 18 and she is 16.

Well, you can stand up and be a man and go to her mom. Or leave it for her to deal with.

[GreatamericanChallenge]

unfortunately for you, she lives with her parents... That means their rules. I don't care what other people say, it is of very bad character to go behind ones parents. If they say that its a no go, then its a no.

I know thats not what you want to hear but if you do get them mad at you, with the age gap they could really raise hell for you. When it comes to sex and minors, you never mess around after the parents say "NO!". The police that really seriously. I know someone in your same spot and he is doing 7 years for child molestation and she was his g/f and he (more than likely) had her consent.

Just go and talk to her parents in a few days when they cool off. Ask if she can get birth control and let them know how you feel about each other. They may find some compassion for a man that knows what he wants (not just sex).


... Just my 2 cents, I hope that 2nd paragraph will make you think a bit

[cjb1981]

Originally Posted by GreatamericanChallenge

...Just go and talk to her parents in a few days when they cool off. Ask if she can get birth control and let them know how you feel about each other. They may find some compassion for a man that knows what he wants (not just sex).

If her mom is pissed because he fingered her, I doubt that asking her parents if she can get birth control is going to help the situation. I think that's more of a question for her to ask her parents, not some guy who's dating their daughter.

[bluetide76]

I agree that you need to let things cool some and then either talk with her mom in person or call them and have a discussion. Let them know how you feel about their daughter and that you do not wish to do her any wrong and just care for her. Talk it out and treat them with respect even if they continue to be somewhat hostile. Then she needs to have a talk with her parents both about her feelings and let them know the reason she has to hide her feelings. The shadow of her older sister's mistakes are pushing too hard on her. She needs to be honest and admit that she wanted to try the sexual stuff but wants to be safe and not get pregnant.

After that it comes down to the parents choice of where to go. If they are respecting parents that care about their daughter then they will find a middle ground and do what they can to ensure safety as well as happiness for her. Good luck

[Ducy]

Okay...look...her mom is crazy plain and simple. She goes through her text messages, and probably listens in on your conversations while your girlfriend is talking to you. (99.999% chance I am right about the latter) (probably stands at her door or something)

You guys have been dating for 4 months and truly love each other. Son you need to knock that craziness out of your head. I was the same way. I thought I truly loved my gf at the time. Then one day bam I realized I just was infatuated.

You need to just leave it be, because (Not knowing what your legal age of consent is for your state) you can be arrested for molestation if her mom calls the cops. Now if you live in washington where I believe it is 16, then there is nothing stopping you from hanging out with her.

DONT EVEN THINK ABOUT HAVING HER ASK ABOUT BIRTH CONTROL. You think her mom blew up now. Just wait until she asks her. Can you say murder-suicide? She will go ballistic and probably come looking for you with a .45 and a machete.

Your relationship is already kinda funky if you ask me. I mean your girlfriend wanted to have sex (lose her virginity?) in a threesome. I think she really needs to figure out what she wants because at 16, there is just way too much immaturity.

If you do grow big enough juevos to go talk to her, then first find out the legal age of consent for your state, because if it is 18 or 17 dont even bother talking to her. If by some miracle it is 16, then go over there, sit the mother down and say plainly (yet respectfully) Your daughter is 16, that is old enough to make her own decisions.

More than likely you will get a FU, then a shes my daughter an I say what goes while in my house. Then you proceed to say something along the lines of: But according to the state of (insert state here) she is old enough by law to make her own decisions. She: well I dont give a F*** cuz you are not to be doing that kind of stuff. Then: well at least she isnt going off having sex. We already decided we both were going to wait till marraige (a lie but how can she know. Its your word vs hers) then: get the F*** out of my house you are never to see her again and if i see you around here I am going to call the cops. Then: Fine, ruin your daughters happiness no wonder your other daughter got pregnant, cuz you are a psycho (low blow but who cares the realtionship already is done) And you proceed to walk out with your dignity, (and all 5 limbs) .

[cjb1981]

Ducy, there's nothing crazy about a mom trying to protect her 16 year old daughter from getting pregnant. While I agree that it's USUALLY wrong for a parent to go through a child's things, sometimes it is merited. For all we know, the 16 year old has given the woman reason to not trust her.

[Ducy]

cjb, I went through this same thing with my ex. her mom went through her text messages, email, and would "walk" by her door while we were on the phone. I do understand protecting, but this isnt protection this is control and fear. My ex's mom had her at a young age and was terrified of the same thing happening to her. The fact that her mom had 3 kids by 21 just shows that there is a lot of problems (I mean as far as her mom is going to be pretty tripped out about her daughters following in her footsteps)

I am guessing that it is also a single parent because the fact that no father is mentioned. If that was my daughter I wouldnt leave it to my wife, I would have a stern talk with the guy and although I would probably be depressed that my daughter is growing up, I wouldnt "snoop" around her stuff.

There are a lot of unknown variables to this so who knows. We could both be right.

[oedipussy]

Not worth it. There's nothing you can do. The End.