Im the other guy?

[GreatamericanChallenge]

So im the other guy. I have this friend and used to see each other quite a bit. Like 3 or 4 times a week. Her family loves me (not her actual boyfriend though) and lets her be with me past curfew without any worries. She is just about to graduate and I am a freshman in college. All of her and my friends either believe that we are going out or should.

The biggest issue that I am having is that she has a boyfriend still. I have been good friends with her for almost like a year and a half now. I really don't think that I could ever screw that up, because we are so much alike its scary. I have told her before that I like her more than a friend and it makes her sort of nervous and then she doesn't talk to me for like a day.

It is weird because when we are in my car or something and I look at her, she will make eye contact and it just melts me like butter. We do so many things together like dinner, movies and the mall. She has even given me a few erotic dances and we go to the clubs every once in while (she dances very dirty and solely with me). She rarely sees her real boyfriend. I really just want to express to her that I really do like her and that I want to go further. I am sick of being that other guy. I just feel like I am going to mess it all up if I do because of the past experiences.

Basically I am asking for help, advice, what have ya. I need to know because it is eating me up quite a bit and I really want to know what would be a good road?

[dancingdoc2]

I'm sure you've heard the ol' adage: "don't fool with Mother Nature", well, the same applies to relationships. Don't fool with existing relationships.

If she wanted to be romantically linked to you, she would have made the change. Since she has not and enjoys the friendship, keep it that way. If or when she decides to change boyfriends, then you can make your intentions known--not until.

[sera300]

I agree w/DOC but one thought is she does not talk to you a day she is sad? You can use that to your advantage, pull back very slightly but enough she might wonder without saying anything. Sounds as if she is dating two men; be polite and pleasant; then go date someone else. No words need to be said.

[Brandye]

I disagree. She has a boyfriend but rarely sees him; she makes eye contact that melts you; she goes clubbing with you; erotic dances. These are not "just friend" behaviours. Kiss her and see what happens.

[cjb1981]

Ahhh, the mixed signals and mind games of a teenage girl. I remember those days You want more then just a friendship, so friendship is out of the question (seeing as how you'll aways want something more). I tend to go with Brandye on this one. You should kiss her and see what happens. If things don't work out, I'd stop hanging out with her. Like I said, if you want more then just a friendship now, that's probably how you'll always feel. Hanging out with someone you want to be with, but who doesn't want to be with you, is a recipe for pain.

[Ducy]

Definitely, make a move and see where it goes. But dont do it during an erotic dance cuz she will probably think its just cuz your horny or something.

Although she does have a boyfriend right now which makes it a little more difficult

[Brandye]

I doubt the boyfriend bit.

[sera300]

Originally Posted by Brandye

I doubt the boyfriend bit.

Perhaps some distant attachment to a person makes her feel as if she has a b/f? Or she is making it up to see what the OP is willing to do?

OP: Never shall loose by taking a chance; however, realize if she is just a friend that can be "damaged" for a while if he does exist or her feelings are neutral. However, I do doubt she would be acting so warm & fuzzy w/you if she was not looking to start something up.

Overall, only you know is she a giant flirt or waiting for you to make a move. I'd say go for it, I thought about what everyone here has posted, forgot what it is like to be young and uncertain; the only thing you can lose is an opportunity. If she is your true friend, turns out to be nothing more, she will remain your friend. I recall having male friends MANY years back; if not interested in them, I would back their behavior off so they did not think just going out was more than friendship. B/F? Used loosely to see your intentions without her risking anything.

I guess I am just older and "go for" what I want.

[EvilEvilKitten]

Ever hear the expression "all's fair in love and war"? Quit worrying about the boyfriend - for you he is of no importance. Relax. Forget about him.

The ONLY thing that matters is the relationship that is or is not developing between you two. Focus your attention there. BTW what she's doing is trying to get you to 'step up' and move in on her without actually grabbing you by your shirt and head-butting you. Take her in your arms, kiss her and hold it for at least 20 seconds.

That being said - will she be going to the same college as you are? If not - what are you doing? Have fun but if this is not going to be a long-term - by which I mean years, relationship - she had better know this up front.

[GreatamericanChallenge]

Well thats kinda what I had thought. The B/F is real but they were more serious then they had a "break" and are back and it has never been the same with them. We will be attending schools only minutes apart so long distance is not a problem. Wow I really need to grow a pair I guess and go for this weekend.

She is like my best friend and I really dont want to screw **** up so... Im just really nervous. Any suggestions on how to maybe do this.