Juggling 4...3...guys :s HELP!!!!

[uncreativename]

I didn't know where to turn to about this but i've had enough of being in absolute emotional turmoil so i'd really appreciate some advice on this.

Ever since I started uni i became more confident and seem to attract guys much more than i used to..the problem is i split up from my boyfriend of 3 years and then dated this other guy who i'd liked for ages...problem is that was a disaster as the guy messed me around and mistreated me and i then i kissed one of my guy friends and he became obsessed with me...i finally got him to give up chasing me and decided maybe i was missing my bf of 3 years, started dating him again(mainly as it was secure and comfortable and i got regular sex)..only to have the guy who mistreated me (who was having problems) to ring me up and apologise and reassure me he's sorted himself out and he seems much better! problem is i'm really attracted to this guy so i started dating him behind my 3 year boy's back...SO I'M DATING TWO GUYS AT ONCE!!!! I AM TOO SCARED TO BREAK UP WITH THE GUY OF 3 YEARS AS HE IS LOVELY AND I'LL BREAK HIS HEART...and recently i went out with a male friend of mine who i sort of fancy too and he's told me he wants to be more than friends with me...I AM SO UNBELIEVABLY CONFUSED...I CAN'T DATE THREE GUYS!!!!! and HOW CAN I BE IN LOVE WITH THREE GUYS?!!?!
I just can't choose between them, i'm lost and scared of the consequences...and i'm worried i'll make the wrong decision and lose everyone..

can anyone possibly help me out..it's beginning to distract me from my work and i feel stressed out of my mind!!

thanks
uncreativename

[oedipussy]

What are you - 12 years old? Because you sound like it...

Dump the two ex-boyfriends, and then quit getting attached to every guy that shows interest in you. And read some of the threads here about dating - you obviously have A LOT to learn...

[uncreativename]

Originally Posted by oedipussy

What are you - 12 years old? Because you sound like it...

Dump the two ex-boyfriends, and then quit getting attached to every guy that shows interest in you. And read some of the threads here about dating - you obviously have A LOT to learn...

That is a little harsh to be honest with you. I don't get attached to every guy who shows interest in me.. i pursue them..and to be fair i'm picky with guys and i've rejected more offers than i've taken up..so it's not that. i was expecting slightly more proactive advice than this :/

[curious_woman]

Oedi worded it a bit harsh but its true. You cannot string them along like this, and you cannot "love" them all...just like or lust after them. You need to decide which you like being with seriously, NOT because of your past together but BECAUSE of the present and future. The other option is to come clean with them and date them all in a non-serious/sexual way. The choice is yours, but for gods sake don't string them along! If you were a man, all the women would be tearing you a new one about being a player and a heart breaker...either pick just one or let them know you're just having fun!

[oedipussy]

OK, if you need a less harsh version: My point was, simply put - GROW UP. Read that mess you wrote again and think about how you're coming across to others. It's definitely not in a flattering light - self-improvement is what you need to start with. Ditch these guys and become a complete person before getting seriously involved with anyone...

If you can't choose between these three guys - Don't. That's a pretty good sign that none of them are right for you. Continue playing the field until you find a mate suitable enough to start a relationship with. Forget the exes - they're just your security blankets...

[oedipussy]

Well, I disagree with curious there - you can date them all in a sexual way if you want to. Hell, you can have a gang-bang with all three, too! It's your life, do what you want to do, however you want to do it...

And it is always assumed that you have no exclusive relationship with anyone until both people verbally agree that that's what they want. You don't need to tell these guys a thing about the others. Just have fun and stop so damn being serious about everything - you're in college for christssakes, you're too young to start settling down...

[Beckeh]

I think Curious meant she can date them all at once, but in a non-serious way, such as mainly sexual..

You sound like my friend tbh. So I'll tell you what I told him.. if you can't "choose", it doesn't even matter which you do, 'cause none of 'em can be all that special if they don't even stand out. You're too deep into something not that important, have fun and quit worrying.

[Brandye]

Look, I ended up at university dating more than that (sexually active with all of them) and I consider it part of learning about our sexuality and relating to the world. That was the only part of my life when I douched regularly!

Clear the table! Dump them all and started over again. There are lots of great guys out there but you are not going to find them from the apex of a love triangle. Erase their numbers from your cell, tell them to do the same with yours. Wait three weeks and then go on the prowl - selectively.

[uncreativename]

Originally Posted by Brandye

Look, I ended up at university dating more than that (sexually active with all of them) and I consider it part of learning about our sexuality and relating to the world. That was the only part of my life when I douched regularly!

Clear the table! Dump them all and started over again. There are lots of great guys out there but you are not going to find them from the apex of a love triangle. Erase their numbers from your cell, tell them to do the same with yours. Wait three weeks and then go on the prowl - selectively.

brandye - haha
i have already dumped one of them so i feel a bit better about that..just gotta sort the other two out.

[EvilEvilKitten]

Good lord! You made a fundamental error here, dear. You began juggling men before you were quite ready.

First: Change your attitude. YOU are a free agent, your time is your own to control. Your life is your own. Therefore, YOU CAN DATE AS MANY MEN AS YOU PLEASE.

Dating men does not of necessity mean that you have to sleep with them. What you are doing is precisely what we encourage young men and women to do. Date as many people as you can talk into it.

Second: give over with the 'hearts & flowers" boyfriend stuff. You DON'T have to love them. Liking them is sufficient at this point. After all, you have university to get through before you can seriously consider marriage.

Third: NO SECOND CHANCES. Not for them and not for you. Once you break up with someone - that's it. Move on. This is especially true if there was any mistreatment involved. "You ruined it, buddy. Bye bye." is the attitude for this situation.

You do not have to justify your decisions or your desires. None of these men are in a position to make any demands. They date you at your pleasure. I know this seems harsh but it is what you have to do if you are going to walk on the wild side and juggle men.