Attracted to the waitress

[Massdebator]

I've been going to a bar/restaurant with a small group of close friends to relax and play darts on a regular basis this year, and I'm attracted to one of the waitresses there. I've tried making small talk with her, made jokes to make her laugh, and I even helped clean up the table for her on one occasion after my friends and I had finished eating. She's really amiable, and she recognizes me, says hello when she sees me, etc. I want her to know that I'm interested, but I just have a few doubts. I can't tell how old she is, although I'm pretty sure she's older than I am. I know that if she is much older, she probably won't be interested. I also know that women who work in bars typically get hit on a lot and I would definitely need to stand out from the riff-raff if I intend to ask her out sometime.

I'm really no good at initiating dates (or any kind of relationship), and I don't want to come off too strongly like I normally do, so any advice is appreciated. I've thought about asking her if she goes to any of the local universities to gauge her age, but haven't actually asked. Should I just ask her if she wants to meet up and grab some coffee sometime?

[sera300]

It would depend on what hours she works. Many work as a waitress to offset income. Also your age? It would depend on how old you are. If you are hanging out playing darts; I assume your at least 21? Most are stand offish to thwart being hit on by drunk individuals...just begin when you are there and everyone is gone; what her interests are, how does she like working there, why did she pick there, etc. This should allow her to open up to some of your questions. And to gauge her age. If it's a large gap? maybe do-able. Ask her some of the above and see if she is interested [told through her responses]. If she is not she will avoid answering, if interested she will say oh this is why I do this...etc.

Be polite, smile, and see where it goes. If all seems well ask her out for coffee. Coffee is neutral since you may be interested in getting to know more about her as a friend or if it goes well, ask her on a date.

[Massdebator]

I'm 20, I don't drink (Although sometimes I wish I still did), and I usually go in the restaurant anywhere between 9pm and 1pm. I go there for the good atmosphere, the darts, and most of all, the food. I get a vibe that she's at least 24 and this is a fool's errand, but what the hell, right? I need more excitement in my life.

Thanks Sera. Some good ideas there. Yes, I definitely want to get to know her better before I ask her on a date.

[sera300]

Originally Posted by Massdebator

I'm 20, I don't drink (Although sometimes I wish I still did), and I usually go in the restaurant anywhere between 9pm and 1pm. I go there for the good atmosphere, the darts, and most of all, the food. I get a vibe that she's at least 24 and this is a fool's errand, but what the hell, right? I need more excitement in my life.

Thanks Sera. Some good ideas there. Yes, I definitely want to get to know her better before I ask her on a date.

Let us know how it goes!!!!

[Browser]

Be honest - good luck.

[Knight]

Don't mean to be a pain, but aren't waiters and waitresses SUPPOSED to be friendly?

Go for it anyways, you have nothing to lose.

Best of luck.

[EvilEvilKitten]

Rule One: do NOT hit on the help!

How does she know that saying no to you will not result in her losing her job?
The girl's just doing what she has to do to get tips.

Now if SHE decidedly hits upon you - that's another thing entirely.

[machine_rat]

Along with what Knight and EEK said...

If there is money involved, whether shes a waitress or a barista, a sales rep or a stripper, never assume that her pleasant attitude is honest interest.

[Roadbobbles]

Also to play the other side of the coin, since she probably spends alot of time there, and it seems to be a social atmosphere don't assume that is can't happen either.

There is a very fine line between people who "have to be nice because they work there" and people who are nice because they work there and think you're cute. Its very hard to tell the difference too.

[sera300]

Many years ago...I waitressed while in HS & entering College. Yes you have to be polite to all; however, there are wonderful opportunities to meet men. Don't hit on her, fast turn off, and flirting while she works can be construed as wanting a better tip from you or can cause her grief from her employer.

Let her make the move; if she is interested she will make more conversation with you to open the door. You are supposed to be polite & professional but I also encountered a few of the men I worked with [waiters] which would be charming to get better tips. Tough to distinguish...and yes being distant is generally what a women will do since it's the one drunk slob which tries to cop a feel or makes rude insinuations.