Does sex ruin relationships? Or does it strengthen them?

[PistolSmoke]

Had an agrument with my freind who said that sex ruins relationships but i think it would strenghten it. Whats your opionion on this?

[dancingdoc2]

That's a no brainer in more ways than one.

Sex was and is primarily for continuing the species. It was only sometime later that benefits to the psyche and emotions were discovered. Physical benefits also were recognized. So, yes, sex is beneficial if it is good sex.

[PistolSmoke]

Originally Posted by dancingdoc2

That's a no brainer in more ways than one.

Sex was and is primarily for continuing the species. It was only sometime later that benefits to the psyche and emotions were discovered. Physical benefits also were recognized. So, yes, sex is beneficial if it is good sex.

well i know that, but can it ruin a relationship? i thought it brings couples closer together and my gf thinks it ruins a relationship if done to soon or something

[xkatex]

I think half and half. In a health and positive relationship were two people actually care for eachother and is done without influence (alcohal, drugs etc.) then yes it can strengthen a relationship. But if done too soon it can definately at the very least make things aqward. Such as if you and a guy have been seeing eachother for a week and after a "drunken night" you end up having sex. Things may get a bit aqward and pending on the level of maturity it can create some uneasiness and cause one or the other to drift away.

It can also have the opposite effect where the two people becoming closer after a "mistake" night. It all just depends on the people involved, the situation its performed in, and the general relationship between the two people.

Just my opinion ofcourse...

[EvilEvilKitten]

In and of itself, sex hasn't the power to do either! It is all that usually goes along with it that ruins or strengthens a relationship. Not the sex.

[Brandye]

A healthy relationship can be enhanced by sex; a not so good relationship can be destroyed by sex.

Which comes first, the feelings or the screwings?

[Beckeh]

If sex ruins your relationship, it's because that's gotten to be the main focus, usually, and that's not a fault of the sex.. just means your relationship is crap anyway, lol.

My boyfriend.. we'd known each other over a year and always had a bit of an attraction, liked each other properly for months, got together.. had sex two weeks later. Hasn't made a difference. 'Cause he's my best friend and we'd be together no matter what.. the fact that we're having sex is just extra fun and another way of being close.

So yup, the connection between the two people dictates the relationship, I reckon.

[dancingdoc2]

Originally Posted by Brandye

A healthy relationship can be enhanced by sex; a not so good relationship can be destroyed by sex.

Which comes first, the feelings or the screwings?

It has been said that in a successful happy relationship sex is 10% of the relationship. In a troubled relationship sex is 90% of the problem.

[dancingdoc2]

Originally Posted by EvilEvilKitten

In and of itself, sex hasn't the power to do either! It is all that usually goes along with it that ruins or strengthens a relationship. Not the sex.

I completely agree.

Although, having agreed with EEK, let me say that if one or the other's sexual interest and/or expertise is lacking, this can often make sex bad and bad sex an important reason for a troubled or ruined relationship.

We've heard from boys and girls in their teens who complain about sex. Usually it is the girl complaining about guys not caring, not putting in the effort, not involved, wanting a "wham bam, thank you m'am" quickie, or the guy who actually is involved and interested yet has not yet learned the tools of the trade so to speak. Her impatience and their not communicating and knowing how to fix things leads to troubled relationships.

Jump ahead a few decades, marriage, children, house and responsibilities, and an unhappy sex life and/or an unhappy romance will cause much friction. Even if the relationship is not actually ruined, it will not be a really good and satisfying one.

My recommendation is for the men to learn as much about romance and the how-tos of this; and, to learn as much about sex, making out, and all that follows, and how to deliver the goods. Both parties need to acquire a large "toolbox".

[dancingdoc2]

> well i know that, but can it ruin a relationship? i thought it brings couples closer together and my gf thinks it ruins a relationship if done to soon or something

Your girlfriend can be right. "Too early" can mean two things: 1) too early in the bourgeoning relationship, or 2) too soon and before young teens are ready for the responsibility and consequences.

As for the latter, what happens more often than not is that once making out, foreplay, and/or intercourse is introduced, then it becomes all consuming and the primary focus, particularly for the guy. If he pressures the girl day in and day out to do "it", or go further, then it can strain, sour, or ultimately ruin a relationship.

This eventuality can be changed through understanding the differences between the genders; unfortunately boys rarely acquire this knowledge until much older. For the first several years after puberty, they believe sex holds the same importance for girls as for boys. While this may be true in some cases, the difference is that for boys the drive is physical whereas for girls the drive is emotional. When these differences clash without an understanding of why, the relationship suffers and can often end.