Dating your best friend?

[Confusedone]

Hey all i am new here but i had a question that i wanted to hear an unbiased answer to.

background:
over the past year i have become really good friends with this girl, who i shall call w (no relation to her name). Like the two of us chill all the time, some times just by our selves. We apparently come off as a couple to my other friends parents. i know this because a few of my friends have told me there parents have asked if me and w were an item.

Question
i ask if it is bright to date your best friend?

more background
the reason i ask because recently i decided for her 18th birthday i would bring her to my college and take her out for the night, (You know out to chill somewhere, then dinner and a present. Maybe a few other random things depending on what we feel like doing.) and it hit me why am i doing this spending a **** load of money on my friend...do i like her...so i kinda feel like i have mixed feelings.

there are other reasons for my thinking i like her
- I talk about her a lot
- i have flipped out in the past when someone asked me if she kissed someone
(not intentionally flipping out)
- i defend her a lot (without realizing it)
- when my friends get me drunk i tend to admit to finding her attractive

so again what do you all think....dating a best friend...bad idea to look into..or good idea to look into

[EvilEvilKitten]

YES it is okay!!! In fact, dating your best friend is the BEST!!

Why?
1. because she knows you well and still likes you anyway
2. because she trusts you enough to talk with you and to be with you even without sex being involved
3. because should love develop, and the chances are good it will, then you have a double bond between you two

Go for it!!!

[sera300]

I second evil thoughts. You already know each other well and have been through ups & downs together already! Good love comes from a solid friendship.

[info_junkie]

Originally Posted by sera300

I second evil thoughts.

Sorry that just made me laugh.

My friend is in the same situation as you. She says she has never been happier and has a closer bond than she has ever had to anyone else and they had a close relationship before the sex began.

Go for it!

[Aviator29]

I married my best friend, seriously. I'll tell the story, because I love telling it. Its kind of long, but its a great example of something similar to your situation.

We became friends in high school. I was a Senior and she was a Junior. I sat behind her in history class. I was always playing with her hair and for some reason she put up with it. She was not one of those "popular" girls, but we had a few mutual friends, who I dated. She was a hard worker in school, always getting excellent grades. She had 2 boyfriends in high school, but they never went out for more then a few weeks. I on the other hand was always changing girlfriends every few weeks. I was dating one of her best friends my senior year, so we would all hang out together quite often. When I broke up with her friend, I still remained friends with Casey (my wife).

I think during high school, I was struggling as a young man to find out who I was, like any young man. I knew what I wanted to do in life (be an Airline pilot), but I didn't know who I was. Casey on the other hand I think knew who she was. And when we were in each others company, I felt different too. Almost like I didn't have to act different, I could just be myself. I lost my Grandfather, whom I shared a passion of aviation with and 2 weeks later I lost one of my best guy friends in a car accident. I had nobody to turn to emotionally, but Casey was there. She was a shoulder to cry on and someone who would listen. She was slowly becoming an important part of my life.

After high school we became much closer friends. Suddenly she went from the nerdy type girl to a beautiful young woman in college. Every time we hung out, be it going to the movies or just watching Tv, I couldn't take my eyes off of her. Not only was she my best friend, but she was the first person I've ever connected with emotionally. We were there for each other, we supported each other.

One night we were hanging out at her parents house and teasing each other on the couch (tickling and what not). Out of nowhere I just got this sudden urge to kiss her.

I always found her attractive and we had so much in common on a moral and emotional level that we just clicked. There wasn't much that I couldn't tell her and feel comfortable about and we honestly missed each other when we weren't hanging out. We would spend a lot of days together just doing whatever we felt like. I wasn't sure how she would react if I talked to her about us being in a more serious relationship, so I never spoke up.

I had her pinned down on the couch tickling the heck out her. It was really cute because she was red in the face from laughing and she wasn't resisting me much. So without any thought to it or hesitation I leaned over and kissed her. Totally caught her off guard. To my surprise and definitely to my happiness she kissed me back. We ended up making out on the couch for quite some time. After the kiss and subsequent make out session, there was a weird feeling in the air that definitely warranted some conversation. I didn't know what to say, so I said the first thing that came to my mind..."I love you". She replied "I love you too".

Since then, we dated for 4 years, I proposed to her in 2005 and June of last year we got married. I couldn't have imagined anything better happening in my life then her. When I was in high school, I was searching for the "perfect" girl. I had the perfect girl right next to me the whole time. It just took a few years to realize it.

Its funny because we talk about the past a lot, and she admitted to me that she had been attracted to me since the day I sat behind her in History class. She was just too shy to say anything. And all those times hanging out with her, tickling and playing around, cuddling on the couch watching Tv, she had always hoped that one day I would kiss her.

We've been together for almost 7 years and I can count on one hand how many times we have argued. And those few times when we have, it has been over something silly, and we end up cuddling on the couch together just a few hours later. Some people say true love doesn't exist, my wife and I are proof that it does. I find her more and more attractive everyday and I couldn't imagine ever being without her.

So to answer your question, is it okay to date your best friend? Absolutely! But I would make sure its something that you want. You know her already. If you don't think you could be with this girl forever, then don't do it. If its just about sex, then don't do it. The reasons for dating your best friend have to be the right reasons, otherwise you'll lose her for good. In my case, I just felt such strong feelings toward her that one day, I couldn't hold them back any longer. Luckily she felt the same way.

Chances are, that deep down inside your best friend is hoping that you'll do the same. I think when a girl lets you into her heart, and lets you into her life as a "best friend", then she is someday hoping that the two of you will be together. If you think about it, being best friends first builds the perfect relationship. There are no pressures about sex or anything else that comes with being serious. You get to know each other and connect emotionally first. Once you get to the point that you're always together, every day, then its obvious that there is a connection of love there.

[Confusedone]

Aviator29...the age difference between you and Casey is similar to me and my friend, we kinda have a similar friendship except i didn't play with her hair in class (we didn't share classes)

anyway ...i appreciate everyone's opinion that i should basically go for it...since these relationships always end up being the best ones. i dunno if i will go for it during her birthday celebration...unless something happens to result in it.

i don't wanna complicate things..but i just know it wont last forever because of religious differences, and religious future plans..but i figure knowing me and her and a few extra complications...that it should end on good terms if we start something

[sera300]

Aviator; what a really nice thing to hear. It's really refreshing to hear such a nice adventure--I wish you both all the luck & love in the world.

Uhmm, Infojunkie: I did not even see it until you pointed it out, LOL!

[Aviator29]

Originally Posted by Confusedone

i don't wanna complicate things..but i just know it wont last forever because of religious differences, and religious future plans..but i figure knowing me and her and a few extra complications...that it should end on good terms if we start something

Why should Religious beliefs or plans get in the way? Love is....love. Love isn't based on Religious beliefs. My wife is more important to me then any of my religious beliefs or plans. My parents are dedicated Catholics, she is Baptist. My parents wanted us to get married and raise our kids catholic, but my wife doesn't belief in the catholic ways. We ended up getting married by a Pastor, and as far as raising our kids, we'll cross that bridge when we get there. I wouldn't worry about that. When two people love each other, you'll find a way.


Sera, thank you for the comments! Part of the reason why I wanted to tell the story is because I've been away from my wife for a month now for a training event. I have 1 1/2 weeks left before I go home. I'm missing her something bad. It distracts my attention from studying for class. I don't come off as being an emotional type of guy, but my wife knows I get really sensitive when we're apart for more then a few days. I think about her nearly every minute.

[sera300]

Originally Posted by Aviator29

Why should Religious beliefs or plans get in the way? Love is....love. Love isn't based on Religious beliefs. My wife is more important to me then any of my religious beliefs or plans. My parents are dedicated Catholics, she is Baptist. My parents wanted us to get married and raise our kids catholic, but my wife doesn't belief in the catholic ways. We ended up getting married by a Pastor, and as far as raising our kids, we'll cross that bridge when we get there. I wouldn't worry about that. When two people love each other, you'll find a way.


Sera, thank you for the comments! Part of the reason why I wanted to tell the story is because I've been away from my wife for a month now for a training event. I have 1 1/2 weeks left before I go home. I'm missing her something bad. It distracts my attention from studying for class. I don't come off as being an emotional type of guy, but my wife knows I get really sensitive when we're apart for more then a few days. I think about her nearly every minute.

I am sure she misses you equally! And I agree w/the religious issues. You find a way. As long as no one asks me to convert, I never cared. Kids? As long as they have a background, does it really matter which it is? I know many Catholics who married into the Jewish faith. Kids were raised with knowing both the Church & Temple. When of age they chose which they identified most with. This was not 1 or 2 people but many couples. Much depends on how strong the individual identifies with their religion, not their parents, and their willingness to compromise.

[Confusedone]

religious beliefs complicate things when your jewish and your jewish mother....wants you to marry jewish ....with this great passion...

i try not to let it dictate things...but it runs on my mental backburner because i am in a sense a religious person...

and i did state other complications...meaning there are other things in the background that could result in a break up just they are really stupid...so i don't worry about them or bring them up...