Relationship issue... need advice.

[JustMyself]

Ok I feel kinda wierd talking about this over the internet. But I haven't had a girlfriend in about a year. But now for some reason I can't even seem to hold a steady conversation with a girl, without freezing and feeling like a complete idiot. So my question I guess is, does anyone have any advice on opening up more and becoming more relaxed around women.

[stresshead101]

do you have many friends who are girls? For what its worth I find its easier to talk to women who you don't know/are interested in if you already have female friends you are relaxed with and who are like 'one of the lads'.

[dancingdoc2]

Most women are naturally chatty creatures. Give them an opening and they'll generally do a very good job of conversing. All we fellas have to do is LISTEN.

If you listen well and take mental notes of points made, you can then interject a comment or a question, both of which lead to more information. Keep this going and you will not have to think up a lot of things to say.

Now, let's turn the table and discuss you. Guys tend to talk about "me" much more than about what they do. If you wish to talk about you and dispense information then do not tell all all at once. Dole out information a little at a time over time. I'm not suggesting that you keep secrets, only that you save topics to talk about during future conversations.

Now, before discussing the actual process of starting a conversation, let me ask if there is/are particular places/events you would be at? Are you talking about meeting someone on campus? The mall? A game? Other? Knowing the situation may make it easier to offer ideas as conversation openers.

[JustMyself]

Just like in general like say I'm at the mall with a few friends and we run into a few people that I've never met before I can never seem to put myself out there and start a conversation and I usually just sit in the background.

[bluetide76]

I used to be the shy type and honestly changed completely to the one starting all the conversations. The trick I noticed is you need to act like there is no need to care. Pretend like the brand new people are just friends or old acquaintances. It takes time to get used to it, but step up a few times and join in with what you want to say. There is no perfect way to be in a conversation, so dont be afraid of saying something stupid. In fact if you do, shrug it off with a laugh and you just broke the silence. Also try to bring up topics that is related to everyone, if you are quiet and listening while they are talking about something they only know, then introduce a sports game or something you saw on tv. Do your best, and try to relax, no one is judging, and even if they do who cares? If they are random strangers you dont have to care about making a fool of yourself because there are plenty of people out there. Good luck

[EvilEvilKitten]

What's the worst these women can do? They can say no. They won't actually kill you. Sooo, just talk. The number one irritant for women is that men do not talk. What you talk about doesn't really matter all that much. Your job, a bit of your history, something funny, would she like to dance...whatever. What matters is that you seem relaxed, calm, and confident. Do not get personal as that looks desperate but don't hide from direct questions.

[machine_rat]

Originally Posted by dancingdoc2

Now, let's turn the table and discuss you. Guys tend to talk about "me" much more than about what they do. If you wish to talk about you and dispense information then do not tell all all at once. Dole out information a little at a time over time. I'm not suggesting that you keep secrets, only that you save topics to talk about during future conversations.

Indeed.

Don't give entire your life story or offer up all of your best jokes/memories/anecdotes up front.

[Roadbobbles]

The best advice I can give is to basically act like you know them already, and treat them that way kinda. Try it out a few times, you might sound stupid at first, but you'll catch on real fast. The best thing you can do is make them laugh though. That will loosen everyone's mood and definitely score points.

p.s. Yes once you do start talking to them don't spill your whole life story in one sitting. Leave a little bit of mystery to yourself.

[Suki2007]

Treat them like you would an old friend. I often start conversations with complete strangers by asking them what they did today, how was work, is anything exciting going on in your life, etc. I find that works because it isn't the "same ol' same ol'" small talk and it automatically makes them feel closer to you because you are asking a semi-personal question. If you feel weird asking that, ask about what they do for work and if they like it, what they do for fun, if they have any pets/hobbies, what is the last book they read.

You can also just share some short stories about, well, anything. Keep them interesting and funny. Like, I tell people about the weird dream I had or something I saw in a movie/tv.

On another note, topics to avoid for first meetings: politics/your boss/sex/getting wasted. Hope that gives you some ideas to jump from.