Confused about this one..

[summerbreeze]

Ok so we have been together for a year now and lived together for almost 4 months. I have found out a few times that when he gets on the net and I'm not around he is chatting with girls. These girls are states away and are random. (He has never cheated on me physically) He keeps messaging these girls on messengers about sex. They exchange photos, talk dirty (he said once how he wanted to penetrate her in detail), and before they would cyber (sex on webcam). He knows that I'm hurting over this and I concider it cheating. Well he told me that he loves me and he only wants me, but he doesn't know why he does it. He says it's like he can't control it, he knows he shouldn't but something takes over him and he does it anyways. He lies to me and says he doesn't and then I find out he tells me all (I'm guessing b/c he knows I know something and doesn't want to get caught in an even bigger lie). He says that he feels the need to because he likes knowing others find him attractive. I tell him all the time how sexy he is. He even knows that as soon as I see him I'm instantly turned on. Our sex life has taken a toll because he's so stressed all the time. He has been working on it and sex has gone from once a week to at least twice a week (I am 22 he is 28). He is working on that part, but I told him it hurts that he would chat with the girls on the net doing sexual stuff (sending pics of his penis to them and they send really nasty sexual pics to him). He also tells them how beautiful and sexy they are, but he doesn't comment on me that much at all. He says that he thinks I am beautiful and sexy he just didn't know he had to say it all the time. I've explained that not all the time is needed but once in a while maybe once a week or so if I fix up would be nice, or just out of the blue. He's a good man, I just don't understand why he can't stop this and why he has the need to know others think he is sexy. Can anyone help please???

[oedipussy]

How is what he does on the internet in his free time any of your business? You don't own the guy...

Don't know what to tell you other than if you're not happy with this guy, why are you still with him? Sounds like you need to find someone who fits you better as far as morals and expectations are concerned. And for christssakes, don't move in with someone after being together for only 6 months. Be your own damn person - not a clingy vagabond... Get your own place.

[summerbreeze]

It is my buisness when he is on the couch masterbating when my son could wake up and catch him instead of me. We're talking getting married so it IS completely my buisness. People like you are why people don't ask questions because instead of answering the best you can, you attack them and are rude for no reason what so ever! As far as me moving in, he bought a house for me and him to live in. He suggested it and I wanted to. All this has nothing to do with the question anywas. I simply wanted to know why someone would do that and how to help them stop! That's it! Thanks for nothing oedipussy!

[Ducy]

Summer...take what oed said with a grain of salt. He seems to be in an aweful mood. All I can say on the subject is to have a long heart to heart with him...try to truly get to the root of the problem...and thank yourself that its just the computer and not actually having sex...I mean its kinda like watching porn on the computer...except they do what you want...

[oedipussy]

Yeah, OK. I fail to see how I was rude...

Why does he do it? Who knows? Ask him. I imagine he'd be the best source for information on that subject.

You're getting married to this man - that means that you need to accept him for who he is and what he does. He's obviously not going to stop doing what he's doing - he said himself that he can't control it. If you can't live with it now, how do you think you'll feel about it when you two are married? A good rule of thumb to live by is to not marry someone when things aren't working out.

As far as the living situation goes, clearly you two need some space. 6 months of dating is way too soon to move in with someone - you just can't know enough about who they are or where things will end up. Where are you going to stay if this doesn't work out?

I don't really care whether or not you like my opinion - I told you the truth, straight up. Ignore it if you wish....

[sera300]

Originally Posted by summerbreeze

It is my buisness when he is on the couch masterbating when my son could wake up and catch him instead of me. We're talking getting married so it IS completely my buisness. People like you are why people don't ask questions because instead of answering the best you can, you attack them and are rude for no reason what so ever! As far as me moving in, he bought a house for me and him to live in. He suggested it and I wanted to. All this has nothing to do with the question anywas. I simply wanted to know why someone would do that and how to help them stop! That's it! Thanks for nothing oedipussy!

Not really...you choose to take him for what he is. If his behavior is unacceptable---move out and end it. A residence is not a good enough reason to MARRY anyone. If he is into doing this? That is his issue not yours; what you decide to do for your future and your son's is your choice.

Either accept him "as is" or leave. The choice is yours. If he is a pervert you need to make a decision...recall you are not married, rather, you see him as a provider for you & your child.

If his idea is making such moves they are his; if they interfere with your life? Time to walk on your own.

BAD IDEA & THE POOR CHOICES BELONG TO YOU [and the child will suffer your choice] !

[sera300]

Originally Posted by summerbreeze

It is my buisness when he is on the couch masterbating when my son could wake up and catch him instead of me. We're talking getting married so it IS completely my buisness. People like you are why people don't ask questions because instead of answering the best you can, you attack them and are rude for no reason what so ever! As far as me moving in, he bought a house for me and him to live in. He suggested it and I wanted to. All this has nothing to do with the question anywas. I simply wanted to know why someone would do that and how to help them stop! That's it! Thanks for nothing oedipussy!

You chose to reside with him---too early in the relationship if you ask me. You are responsible for walking if you are offended and believe this is a bad influence on YOUR child. You have not even known him a year, resided together in his digs far too soon to make an informed choice.

Why? You are too dependent. Don't care for his actions? Walk...you ARE NOT married to him and what he chooses is up to him not you. Stop placing others reaction on everyone else...you made a choice not fix it and take ownership for it.

Your choice is the FUTURE OF YOU AND YOUR CHILD [AND BEING A PROVIDER FOR YOUR CHILD] unfortunately children pay for a screwed up choice...want it to be on your head????

Marriage is insane at this point.

[sera300]

Originally Posted by sera300

You chose to reside with him---too early in the relationship if you ask me. You are responsible for walking if you are offended and believe this is a bad influence on YOUR child. You have not even known him a year, resided together in his digs far too soon to make an informed choice.

Why? You are too dependent. Don't care for his actions? Walk...you ARE NOT married to him and what he chooses is up to him not you. Stop placing others reaction on everyone else...you made a choice not fix it and take ownership for it.

Your choice is the FUTURE OF YOU AND YOUR CHILD [AND BEING A PROVIDER FOR YOUR CHILD] unfortunately children pay for a screwed up choice...want it to be on your head????

Marriage is insane at this point.

Sorry for the dual posts...computer was running slow....

[browneyedgirl]

I would have been out of there a while ago! Who knows why he's doing it - only he can answer that. But if you aren't OK with it (and I wouldn't be either) get out of the relationship. You consider it cheating, and so do I. Do you want to be with someone who cheats on you? Worse than that, he claims that he can't control his actions, which would be a major red flag to me. He needs to take responsibility for what he does! If you aren't OK with his behavior, then you owe it to yourself and your son to leave now. I also think you need to tread very cautiously when it comes to your son's welfare. Masturbating on the couch where your son can see him or leaving dirty pictures on the computer aren't the actions of a responsible, caring man who would make a good father figure. They also aren't the actions of a man who is sensitive to your feelings and considerate of your needs.

[sera300]

Originally Posted by browneyedgirl

Worse than that, he claims that he can't control his actions, which would be a major red flag to me. If you aren't OK with his behavior, then you owe it to yourself and your son to leave now. I also think you need to tread very cautiously when it comes to your son's welfare. Masturbating on the couch where your son can see him or leaving dirty pictures on the computer aren't the actions of a responsible, caring man who would make a good father figure.

This is a giant red flag...agreed Browneye! I would never have put myself in that position especially since you have a son [daughter or child]... I would not trust him with a cat or dog for that point....