Self-conscious about performance - maybe its all in my head

[Roadbobbles]

I'll try and keep this short and to the point, without being long winded. I have a problem with being way way too self-conscious with my own preformence when I'm having sex. I go so far as to make it almost uncomfortable and not enjoyable for myself just to be sure that my partner enjoys it. I also notice that I have more stamina and get "more adventurous" if I consume a beer or two before hand, so I also normally don't even like to have sex while sober. I havn't been i na serious relationship in close to 3 years now and I'm a 25 male. However, I've had an ample amount of sex for being single I guess you could say.

I do fine with fore-play and oral (because in my mind, I think the girls would rather have that be over with as quick as possible anyways). I do have 1 chick I'm consistently with now but we're nothing official other then sexual partners, but I act and do the same things around her. She thinks its because "I have to get drunk to wanna sleep with her" but I tell her its for preformence and we even joke about it. I can't seem to get over it and I don't know if its all in my head or maybe because I'm not in a long term relationship.

Soooo I dunno? I'd love to hear anyone's thoughts, feelings, comments, questions?

p.s. I will be out of town for 5-6 days but looks forward to reading the responces when I return

[Ducy]

Alcohol is a depressant. It lowers your inhibitions (which explains your adventurous quality) The lasting longer affect can more that likely be attributed to the fact that the beer can help "numb" you so to speak. (Too much could even prevent you from getting hard).

What do you mean you think girls would rather be over with foreplay as quick as possible? Most girls (not all of course) enjoy long foreplay and enjoy oral as well. Someone on this board even said if their man had a great tongue, they could care a less how long sex lasts. Men can be up and ready with a glance at an attractive womens body. Girls aren't always the same case. Their sexual response is different.

http://www.sexinfo101.com/forum/new_...t_humping.html

(the fourth post from doc discusses this)

As far as your self consciousness, that just requires a spot of self esteem. There are also a bunch of threads on this sight that give great advice

http://www.sexinfo101.com/forum/inde...ed_topics.html

[EvilEvilKitten]

Obviously you are not receiving enough 'feedback' from your lady there. If you were receiving adequate information, then you would not be here asking this question. However, you did get one important piece of info from her - and then you ignored it.

STOP DRINKING ALCOHOL BEFORE SEX.

It has become a 'crutch' for you. So, just stop doing it. Now then, drink water, only plain water, and hydrate before sex. Read and follow the sticky post entitled The Program. Never, ever rush sex. You should be spending AT LEAST 23 minutes on foreplay alone. You move from one step to another after each of her orgasms. Do not stop doing any one thing until she has orgasmed. Apply lubricant, do additional outercourse as needed but only change steps or positions after she has climaxed.

Do this and you will never have to worry about your performance ever again!

[Ducy]

EEK I must say....I love the number 23...its so random...Why not 25 minutes?

[leviti]

Originally Posted by Roadbobbles

I'll try and keep this short and to the point, without being long winded. I have a problem with being way way too self-conscious with my own preformence when I'm having sex. I go so far as to make it almost uncomfortable and not enjoyable for myself just to be sure that my partner enjoys it. I also notice that I have more stamina and get "more adventurous" if I consume a beer or two before hand, so I also normally don't even like to have sex while sober. I havn't been i na serious relationship in close to 3 years now and I'm a 25 male. However, I've had an ample amount of sex for being single I guess you could say.

I do fine with fore-play and oral (because in my mind, I think the girls would rather have that be over with as quick as possible anyways). I do have 1 chick I'm consistently with now but we're nothing official other then sexual partners, but I act and do the same things around her. She thinks its because "I have to get drunk to wanna sleep with her" but I tell her its for preformence and we even joke about it. I can't seem to get over it and I don't know if its all in my head or maybe because I'm not in a long term relationship.

Soooo I dunno? I'd love to hear anyone's thoughts, feelings, comments, questions?

p.s. I will be out of town for 5-6 days but looks forward to reading the responces when I return

I think you need to understudy and know the real essence of sex. It is meant for the pleasure of two people, so once you make any effort towards pleasing the other without a corresponding effort to get yourself the same pleasure, it destroys the entire pleasure associated with it.

I f you are still making efforts to pleasing her, then i doubt if you really know what she wants in sex. You are supposed to know her pleasure zones and explore them with new techniques whenever you meet, and likewise she. If that is done, once you meet, everybody knows what do do and every moment to get the partner satisfied without feeling anything odd in your head or needing to take anything enhacements before the performance.

[EvilEvilKitten]

Beats me why it is 23 minutes, Ducy, but that is what research has shown to be the minimum amount of foreplay necessary to ensure a woman's pleasure.

[HardNgood]

23 x 3 = 69

[Ducy]

So HNG does that mean if I do 23 minutes of foreplay 3 times throughout sex well 69? I never knew sexual positions were so...mathematical lol

And EEK...why do surveys and studies always have to have minimum? I mean who in the world would want a minimum? I mean would you want the minimum amount of orgasms during sex? If I was a study about sex I would never go by minimums I would go by what would be a decent time for foreplay...or a decent number of orgasms per session....say 5...maybe 10

[EvilEvilKitten]

Why the minimums? So guys know where to begin. Of course, I demand more than the minimums, as do most experienced ladies.

[machine_rat]

I suppose that because you aren't in any kind of committed relationship there is more pressure to perform. A girlfriend is usually going to be more understanding about an occasional sub-par session, but out in the open, you have to put on a good show to get repeat customers.