Moving on after divorce, not easy!

[guitarman69]

I am newly divorsed and feeling kinda out of place every where I go! I think I am an attractive man and have a few good qualities, but my wife of 16years cheated on me with her boss and we have went through a divorse, it tore our family apart and Ive been in a tail spin since. I really loved her and I am angry about what she did, but on the other hand I really miss her! I allways thought it would be easier to go through what I have gone through, but its alot harder then I thought!!!!! I have gone out with friends and I have had a few dates, but I just always feel out of place like I dont belong, I hope this will change! It's been 8 months since we first broke up andd now divorsed, if any one has any words of incouragement I would like to hear from you!

[sera300]

8 months is not nearly enough time to re-group for any serious dating. Come to terms with what has happened, find hobbies, and just date. It takes about 2 years minimum before you are really headed for any type of serious relationship. Until then; most relationships will be just rebound relationships.

Make friends, interests, and mostly a life for yourself that belongs to just you. Not a life where there is any type of serious relationships; otherwise, you will be just hurting others through leading them to believe you are looking for one.

Find out who you are as a single, divorced man, and live with that for a while. Until then just date many, casually, & see what is out there; meanwhile figuring yourself out---letting go of the anger. It will only hinder you.

[prettygal]

Take time to get your life back in order. This is a very difficult time, especially with the trauma that you've been through. Don't rush things...re-discover yourself. I was married for 15 years, have been divorced for 3 years now. I'm just now feeling comfortable dating. It's hard when you loose your partner after that many years.

[maupassant]

Originally Posted by guitarman69

I am newly divorsed and feeling kinda out of place every where I go! I think I am an attractive man and have a few good qualities, but my wife of 16years cheated on me with her boss and we have went through a divorse, it tore our family apart and Ive been in a tail spin since. I really loved her and I am angry about what she did, but on the other hand I really miss her! I allways thought it would be easier to go through what I have gone through, but its alot harder then I thought!!!!! I have gone out with friends and I have had a few dates, but I just always feel out of place like I dont belong, I hope this will change! It's been 8 months since we first broke up andd now divorsed, if any one has any words of incouragement I would like to hear from you!

I think you really loved your ex as you say and it is going to be difficult. On the other hand, what she did was unforgivable and maybe she did not really love you after all. I don't blame your anger and hope you meet someone who matches your own high standards of fidelity. Good luck.

[constantlylearning]

First and foremost, I would like to wish you all the good fortune and happiness
the world has to offer. To me, your post really shows the loss you feel. Loss
in any form is hard to endure for anyone. It is far easier to say the word
goodbye than to actually let the feeling you have die or fade away. There
probably are no perfect words but perhaps you will meet a very special lady
who will help you chase all the dark clouds away and you will find even more
happiness than you previously had. Good Luck Man and God Bless.

[EvilEvilKitten]

Ah! A traditional male out there competiting with other men for the available women. Good luck! You will need it!

You need two years to recover. You need to change, yes CHANGE, where you go, who you go around with, and what you now do. Separate yourself from what you and your wife used to do together - completely. New friends, new places, new hobbies - all of it.

Your ego has taken a beating, I'm sure. But before you go out hunting, think for a moment about what is out there waiting for you. Divorcee's w or w/o kids (like your ex), "trainwrecks", sundry wackos, virgins, liars, and women who may or may not want an older divorced guy. Until you are ready to deal effectively with it - stay home and out of the dating scene because it is brutal out there esp for you traditional guys. You will eed your ego, older and wiser now that you had time to reflect, intact and your goals in mind. Work on that first. Then work on making yourself someone the women want to get with! This is harder than you might think. Refine your goal , hunt where she's most likely found, and appeal to her and only to her type of woman.

As for your ex-wife. Did you never ask her why?

[constantlylearning]

All the above seem to be good suggestions. I would add that, it is a
time to start over. The new friends and hobbies perhaps will give you
a new outlook and broaden your horizons somewhat. Sometimes, those
dreams that you once held so close to your heart and that now have
been broken are simply better left behind. So, leave it behind and start
again and have fun because life is meant to be enjoyed.

[EvilEvilKitten]

I've run across many divorced men. Their egos take a huge hit which they then try to cover-up by thinking the female populace will beat a path to their door if they can just find the 'magic formula'. So they buy these books telling them to be a challenge, be the boss, etc. So sad.

There is no magic formula.

Since he's a traditional male, there are also no shortcuts available to him.
For him, it is going to be the long and painful road back to normalcy.

[sera300]

Originally Posted by EvilEvilKitten

I've run across many divorced men. Their egos take a huge hit which they then try to cover-up by thinking the female populace will beat a path to their door if they can just find the 'magic formula'.

Yeap & then when there are the not so welcomed women in life since they [the men] settled "to get a bit of companionship"...then, they turn the opposite! The population of women are out there; it's just you have to bring something to the table [post divorce] other then baggage! There has to be an interesting person underneath who understands themselves!

[Roadbobbles]

I'd like to say I feel for you. You sound like a decent enough guy, just fell into a bad situation. The only thing I can really think of s to tell you to try and keep everything positive and think of the good things you do still have. That will help alot in keeping your overall attitude twards life more up-beat. Keeping your life more positive and fun will help more then anything else as you try to get over the whole situation. Try a few new hobbies, but make it things that keep your mind occupied - not mindless activities where your mind can wander.

Best of luck through your tough time