never been in a relationship

[moontides]

I'm a 22 year old girl who's never been in a serious relationship....it's probably depressing me more now than ever.

In general, I have confidence about myself. I used to have issues with whether I was pretty or not, but that has gone away with age, and plenty of my friends think I'm cute. The only thing that I'm still somewhat hung up on is that I'm 5'1', but whatever.

Anyways, it's discouraging to me because despite my efforts, it seems that I'm invisible to guys in the room. I'm cordial, mildly flirtatious, and always kind. I'm a good Christian, have a great relationship with my family, and am generally a "good girl". All of my friends love me dearly, and everyone tells me that one day I will find the most perfect man ever. Well....after 22 years and no more than the occasional date that I usually had a hand in setting up, no one has ever pursued me. On a random note, I have noticed that a wall is automatically thrown up when I tell people I'm a medical student...like I'm being thrown into some category no one wants to be associated with for some reason. I don't say it in a way that makes me sound high and mighty, I just have to give an answer when people ask what I do. I feel like I have a lot to offer someone...loyalty, sensitivity, good morals, a silly sense of humor, fun, and support in everything he does.

So, it's confusing....I don't know what my problem is. It's frustrating when there are numerous guys that I like, and when I even go so far as to ask them out myself, they don't get the message and if they do something with me, it's more to be nice. It's even more frustrating to see my girlfriends get spotted from across the room by guys and be approached by them without doing anything in particular to grab their attention.

Any advice on how I can get guys to want to get to know me? Be interested in me? Pursue me even?

Thanks in advance....sorry if this is long

[Psychosis]

Well I don't think it has to do with the fact that you're a medical student. Maybe guys avoid you because you seem too serious (or inexperienced) and these traits are not what they're looking for.

There are many guys who are also unsuccessful with women, I bet any of them would be grateful if you (or any girl) paid attention to them. Haha. I don't think you should lower your standards, though. It's true, you do have something to offer, but these are not written on your forehead. Plus they're really unimportant, unless the guy is looking for a serious relationship/marriage.

Just chill, you'll find a way to deal with this. I'd say I'm in a similar situation (although I am younger) and I know it's not cool but hey, in the end it comes down to our own aspirations. If you don't mind marrying your first man, you might as well wait. But if you want to earn some experience, well yeah, it can be really frustrating.

[Ducy]

Why are you hung up on being 5'1"? I have a few friends who are 5'1" and I actually find them all very attractive (even dated one)...Im 6'1" so needless to say height doesnt make much of a difference.

And psychosis is right....just chill...it will all work itself out. Perhaps you are trying TOO hard to get a man...

I went for 17 years without a date. And I ALWAYS was trying to get a girlfriend. Then when I relaxed and just enjoyed life....I found a wonderful person to date

[sera300]

Moontides:

First of all focus on eduction. Now look around you in med school, you find peers. Why are you overlooked? Attitude. Skip the "good Christian girl" part and portray yourself as a nice woman with something to offer. Learn to relax, have fun, and flirt. Sort of roll with the punches. Why? You are just beginning school; honestly, as you begin more in depth studies you will be called and challenged beyond belief. Just learn to be a good woman and have fun...RELAX. I don't think you really know how to yet. You are too intense...only be intense about Medicine, the rest is just play & fun for now.

And have confidence in yourself.

[dancingdoc2]

Ducy does make a couple of good points. Relax and let events run their course. Next, enlist family, friends, and coworkers, in your quest to find Mr. Right. It's called networking and the more eyes and ears that are working on your behalf the better. Let these people know you are available and interested in dating and see who turns up.

You might also ask friends (male and female) with whom you have a very trust worthy relationship for their observations on how they see you perceived by others.

[Brandye]

I recognize that wall when med student is mentioned. Hit it a few times. At University my social life was overdone; in med school, it bombed. Ended up living with another med student for convenience, finance and sex. We were abot the only ones in the class "getting any." Everyone expects that you are on a career track and not interested in a social life. Other med students are as busy as you and finding time can be an issue.

Force yourself to develop outside interests and gain contacts through that activity. Mine was (is) bicycling. There are clubs and churches for anything and everything and you have to do something other than study. I assume Christian men hang around churches. And they are not too different from other men when it comes to urges.

[EvilEvilKitten]

Okay here's the scoop - you are scaring or boring the guys.
Being cute and small isn't your problem.

Your intensity and desperation is scaring some of them off.
Your obvious virtue & sexual ignorance is boring the rest.

Expecting men to chase your skirt when you aren't going to lift it is a waste of time. Not going to happen. Remember this: guys do not chase what they see as not worth the effort to catch.

You are going to have to wait until the men are wanting to marry a "good girl" which is, apparently, not yet.

Besides, as a med student, you most likely do not have the time for a "serious relationship".

[cjb1981]

Anytime I have ever heard "medical student", I always assumed that basically meant, No free time, and it's always ended there.

[Thresher_V]

Hell after all the stuff I do, I could use the help of a med student to patch me up. Whether work or weightlifting, I'm always pulling or cutting something.

As much as people think, no 2 men are alike. Ducy and doc are right....just hang in there and some guy will notice you and then you'll have new challenges to handle.

[browneyedgirl]

I agree that presenting yourself as a good Christian girl may not be the best thing. Not to say you should be ashamed of your values, but those who don't share them or aren't as devout as you may feel like you will judge them. If anyone seems a little too perfect, it's scary because we don't feel comfortable with them and we clam up because we doubt they can relate to us. Finding men who go to your church is a good option, as Brandye suggested, so that it's something you have in common and don't have to broach later. If you just meet a guy and aren't sure of his religious views, tho, you will probably do better to wait until at least the second date or until the topic is brought up. Religion can be a very polarizing issue; it's not really first date material. Same goes for any other strong philosophical, moral, or political views.

As for the med student thing, don't let it get in your way. If a guy has a problem with that, it's HIS problem. And it may be for any number of reasons - the assumption you don't have time for him, that you're too serious, or that he is threatened by your career being better and more lucrative than his. If he has a problem with it, then you don't want to be with him. I agree about trying to find someone from your med classes. And when your friends set you up on dates, make sure that they have given your date enough background so as not to waste your time.

PS I'm 5'1" too, and I know it's kinda weird having everyone towering over you sometimes, but I've never had problems finding dates.