Is this worth pursuing? How do I play this right?

[sunshowers]

I'm 20 now, but I started dating this guy when I had just turned 17, and I was a Junior in high school. He was two years older than I was, had already graduated, and was about to leave for the Marines in a month or so. I had never had a boyfriend before, and wasn't really looking for one, but it was one of those situations where I saw him and a little "zing" just went through me and I knew that I liked him. We were volunteering together for a week, and I spent that entire week thinking about him and very subtley flirting with him, but I never thought it would actually happen. That next weekend I invited him out for coffee, which led to a movie, which led to our first kiss. I was really young and I fell pretty hard for him.

For the first week after our first date we saw each other about every other day. I know it's silly, but some of those nights that I spent with him were some of the best of my life. We just clicked. But he was busy, and I was busy, and I didn't see him for about 2 weeks. A couple nights before he left, we went out again and ended up back at his house hooking up bigtime, though we didn't have sex. Then he left. Because he was in Marine boot camp, we couldn't call each other or even write email back and forth. I wasn't really expecting to hear from him again, but he started writing me letters, which was very uncharacteristic of him.

So...that was about 3.5 years ago. We have kept in contact ever since, but he's had other girlfriends and I've had other crushes and I've been traveling the few times he was home, etc. We lost contact for periods of time. We also haven't seen each other. He recently started texting me quite a bit, and then he spent some time in our hometown in December, but I was still away at school across the country until after he left. I started thinking about him again, and I could tell he was thinking about me. Finally I ended up calling him after missing a few of his calls, and I decided to just be honest with him. I told him that I liked him, and that I still thought about him, and that I wasn't ready for him to leave when he did. He said that he liked me as well, and that he still thought about me though he wasn't brave enough to admit it. He said that I was one of the most interesting, smart people that he knows, and that he doesn't just meet someone like me everyday. He said that I'm one of the only people that he never has an awkward pause with even if we haven't talked for a year. Considering he was never that honest or verbal when we were dating, this really surprised me. We ended up talking for 3 hours that night, and then he called me the next night and we talked for 2 hours. Also uncharacteristic, he told me about a girl that he had just broken up with, and talked about relationships and his past and just generally what he wants in a relationship. He also said that he didn't want a serious relationship. And he wanted to know about my dating history as well. This was something that we had NEVER talked about before...ever. I basically told him a lot about my life, including some things that I only tell to close friends. It was just the most honest and intimate we have ever been before. I really enjoyed talking to him. To put it simply...I can't stop thinking about him since that night.

He hasn't called me since, and I haven't called him because I don't want to scare him away. He seemed surprised that I told him everything that I did, but I don't regret it, and he said that he liked it, but he couldn't reciprocate on his own- I would have to ask, because he isn't as open (which I definitely know.) I would love to talk to him once a week or so, but I'm not sure if he sees this as real enough. I don't want to come on too strong or clingy, which I am very worried about, because I'm not good at playing things cool. It's not like I call him everyday (I haven't called him at all) but I will text him once in a while.

What do you think? I would love to see him later this year when we're both home, but I'm afraid I'm just setting myself up to be disappointed. Do people say things like that when they're not for real? He sounds like he is sort of generally miserable and also very pessimistic about love, so I feel like he's going to be a hard nut to crack, but I feel like I'm up to the challenge because he is a really great person that is often afraid to be honest or close with girls. Is this worth pursuing?

[EvilEvilKitten]

Relax and wait to see him when he's there. Do NOT get "serious" yet. You really do not know him very well at this point. For example: does he, as far as you know, fit into your life goals? You cannot answer that yet so don't try to. Just see where it leads.

[sera300]

He clearly stated what he does want in a serious relationship BUT recall he did state he does not want one now. Don't set yourself up to be the rebound relationship. Play the field & let him do the same. Be friends and see where you go. No exclusive dating until you have both been out there & decide later. Just be a nice friend. Wait on it all and keep going on with your life.

[Roadbobbles]

Yeah I agree - don't close down all other roads just putting all your eggs in his basket. It seems like you guys both really like each other but your lives drawn you both in opposite directions. If its meant to be, it will eventually all come together.

[browneyedgirl]

Don't try doing the long distance thing at this point. Be nice to him, talk to him on the phone and text if you like, but don't start thinking about a relationship, compatibility, whatever, until you are face to face. Wait for him to contact you and let you know he's going to be in town and wants to see you. And if you think you have serious feelings for him, avoid being his booty call while he's in town. Don't start thinking about a phone relationship.